Skip to content
My WebMD Sign In, Sign Up

Announcements

Visit our Crisis Assistance Link for resources. For immediate help, get to the ER.

*No Dr Outside Contact Please*
Grown daughter with bipolar that has 4 children and married
avatar
An_247740 posted:
I have a grown daughter that has been diagnosed with bipolar since she was 18 years old. She has 4 children and a horrible unsupportive husband that is verbally abusive. I worry about her all the time and the children. She has never harmed them or herself. Her manic episodes are terrible. She is on meds, but I see that she may be going towards manic again. She gains weight (she exercises and eats healthy) but yet is still gaining weight and she is extremely irritable. I asked her today if she was ok and she said she is fine. I have been with her for over 15 years and she has been in the hospital over 6 times because of this horrible demon disorder.

Take the Poll

Is there any thing I can do or anyone I can talk to as a mother of a grown daughter with bipolar. I feel like I am losing it.
  • Support group in Indiana
  • support group online
vote
View Poll Results
Reply
 
avatar
melly2210 responded:
First of all, I want to say congratulations on your continued support of your daughter.

As for the husband, there is nothing that can be done there but wait until she has had enough of the BS and she does something about it, like toss him out or leave herself.

Weight gain is typical if she is on medications that we need. I, personally, am on two that make me gain weight and it's a horrible side effect, but one I live with because not being on medication is much worse.

As for her manic episodes, I can say from my experience that irritability and mania go hand in hand. Not sleeping just sets all of your nerves on edge like you couldn't believe. Most "normal" people can barely handle one night on no sleep or disturbed sleep. Imagine going days with absolutely little to no sleep. Mania is just as bad as severe depression when it reaches out of control levels.

She is very lucky not to have harmed herself! Some of us, unfortunately, ride the complete roller coaster of bipolar which includes periods of deep, dark depression. Although, mania can make us think we can do things that we literally cannot. Spending sprees, disappearing on trips for days etc. are just come things I've either done or others here have done. All you can do is keep a watchful eye out for symptoms like you have and encourage her to seek the help she needs through her pdoc, tdoc or a crisis center.

As for her hospital stays? I've been diagnosed for about 5 years. In that time frame, I have been involuntarily committed twice and one of those times was a court ordered 30 days for {{{{TRIGGER}}}} a suicide attempt. I have voluntarily committed myself for either depression, severe mania, or dissociation a total of 4 times. Most of those times, I did not have a regular pdoc because of insurance issues. Now that I do, I just give him a call when I recognize a severe episode coming on and we do a med tweak, but if he ever felt I needed more intense help, I would check myself back in in a heartbeat even though I hate those places. So please don't put too much leverage on her hospital stays.

I hope this helps and that you continue to be there for your daughter as support, even a tiny bit, can mean so very much and can help her to seek the further help she needs.

Mel

Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
 
avatar
melly2210 replied to melly2210's response:
I missed the poll question. Most definately seek support in both places. Everyone's experience is different, and hearing others in your position or going through it, will give you an immense understanding of the illness AND give you coping strategies to keep you healthy so you can continue to help your daughter.

Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
 
avatar
ibex7 responded:
Keep in mind that family may not be the best support for your dd and, if she could respond socially to a local, perhaps weekly group, her recovery could be enhanced.
As a personal note, I grew well in a local support group and was able to leave the group and start again following my last hospitalization within a year. That was twenty years ago and I consider it a change in my life's directiion. I have had online connection for the past seven years and it, too has been helpful. It is also obvious how deeply you care. Best wishes, ibex
 
avatar
bcirrin replied to ibex7's response:
Thank you for your kind and wise words. Who can not love their children? I wish I could take this away from her. I pray all the time that God helps her rid this. I do tell her that she knows her own body more than I do, she has to see the warning signs. I get really upset with society not realizing that bipolar is a physical condition. When she is in her manic state, she can move a mountain all by herself, her pupils become dilated(i am sure from lack of sleep) and she becomes very strong. I know meds is the only answer, but how do you not recognize the warning signs. Does it go from 1-10 in 2 seconds. I appreciate you! My daughter will not go to a support group. She is trying, because of her goofy husband, that will not watch the kids while she's gone, to be normal....
 
avatar
bcirrin replied to melly2210's response:
Mel,
Thank you for your kind and wise words. Who can not love their children? I wish I could take this away from her. I pray all the time that God helps her rid this. I do tell her that she knows her own body more than I do, she has to see the warning signs. I get really upset with society not realizing that bipolar is a physical condition. When she is in her manic state, she can move a mountain all by herself, her pupils become dilated(i am sure from lack of sleep) and she becomes very strong. I know meds is the only answer, but how do you not recognize the warning signs. Does it go from 1-10 in 2 seconds. I appreciate you! SOrry I thought my response went to both of you. I wish you success in battling this disease! It is a demon that!
 
avatar
melly2210 replied to bcirrin's response:
You are most welcome! Can you go from stability to mania or depression in what seems like 2 seconds? Technically, I don't think so. There are other warning signs that can be very subtle. Irritability and flying off the handle at the littlest things are usually my first signs that I need to step up my self-care and coping strategies. But sometimes you can be both - manic and depressed - it's called a mixed episode. When I hit this zone, yes, it seems like I go 1-10 in 2 seconds.

This illness is complicated and individualized. No one has the same symptoms, signs, indications. I wish it did, as we'd all have a set protocol of meds and therapy and poof! We'd all be cured. But it doesn't. Yes, it is a battle, and with children (as they can try the heck out of you in the best of conditions) and an unsupportive spouse, it adds to the daily struggles she is going through.

I don't know how old your grandchildren are, but NAMI (National Association of Mental Illness) has local chapters that offer Family-to-Family classes. A family who has experience mental illness and special training, teams with families who are struggling, like you are. Perhaps contacting them and scheduling to take the course (it's free) with you, your daughter and the kids would be helpful. You can find your local chapter at http://www.nami.org/ . Some chapters offer more support in this as well as in person support groups.

The Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=home offers both local in person meetings and online support groups. The support groups are for your daughter and are held weekly on particular days. They also have a caregiver/support group for family/friends that meet online twice a month. Check the site for more information.

Hope all this helps! And remember, while she is manic....all things pass.

Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
 
avatar
An_247694 replied to melly2210's response:
I My sister has the bp1/SE disorder. I have bp2. We are 30s, We also have a older half brother who is schizophrenic and 40s. Seems like its from our mothers side. Our mother was always authorative, verbaly abusive, and demanding, and physical. We always love her and still do but we know she has mental problems too. Just be loving to your daughter, just show your love. My mother never showed her love, no kiss or affection, no I love yous" to us growing up. She say her mother was mean and verbaly abusive. She the same like her I guess, I never met my grandmother. I ended up married to a wonderful husband. My sister is unlucky, she is stuck with my mother and they fight each day. If my mother just realized she has mental problems maybe she could helped us emotionally. My mother can be so wicked but my sister loves her and wants to kill her at the same time. If she scares my mother and my mother calls the police and locks her in the hospital. It been 8 yrs. What to do mom is just love your daughter. I wish my sister could get better but she will not help herself so she can leave my mother but my sister gave up yrs ago.


Featuring Experts

Joseph F. Goldberg, MD, is a Clinical Professor of Psychiatry, Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai, New York, NY. He also maintains a private prac...More

Helpful Tips

TO DROP MY WEIGHT, I DROPPED THE DIET SOFT DRINKS.
Been on Zonegran for about five years and a type II diabetic for 35 years using metaformin and insulin. It appears the jury is in for me on ... More
Was this Helpful?
6 of 10 found this helpful

Related News

There was an error with this newsfeed

Related Drug Reviews

  • Drug Name User Reviews

Report Problems With Your Medications to the FDA

FDAYou are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.