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    bi polar two cant sort this out new here
    cantdoit posted:
    my problem is major events mental,physical,emotional,and sexual I am 45 and my childhood trauma is branded in my brain cant get rid of it no matter what I take or how much I talk about it. my father beat me for many years for everything feared for my life you would have welts that would stand up a quarter inch high, then he would say if you keep crying I will give you something to cry about and he would come back and do it more I would do anything to get away I would climb trees,hide,I would run behind my mom and say momma save me save me and she said don't come over here so I would run around the couch just terrified then he would catch me this happened from 2 until about 12 yrs old my mom would hide in the closet to make us think she ran away we would freak grand parents lived next door we thought we would be safe and they were in on it too. my grandpa even make a board with holes it for my dad. then I was sexually abused by my uncle and its strange but thats not as bad to me as my father but all still bother me to this day.then I was acting out at school like fighting, and biting ,I was being teased all the time I don't want to offend any one please I was hurting animals and trowing rocks into crowds of kids and didn't feel bad.But I feel horrible now and cant live with this stuff and then in jr,high and high school drugs took over and it was as much as I could get and alcohol. whenI turned 18 I got married no drugs and no alcohol and been married ever since but now the bi polar 11 has consumed my life with ptsd and anxiety and absolutely cant shake my demons and my mom passed away I think four years ago now and my father blames that on me too because of cancer don't know what to do its just crazy cant sort this out Help
    slik_kitty responded:
    welcome to the board. are you in therapy? you have alot of issues to work on and you don't have to feel the way that you do. therapy will help you to work on what is hurting you inside and put it behind you so you can be happy.
    mercygive responded:
    Dear Cantdoit:

    I agree with Kitty that a therapist may be able to help you. If you can't afford a therapist, even if you do have insurance, you may want to find out if there is a local bipolar support group or NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) in your area. I did find one near me that offers free DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) in a group type setting. If you find one, maybe your spouse can go with you because your past may be affecting your marriage in ways you may not be aware of. I do share some of the memories you have and they're hard to deal with, and especially, if you still have those past relationships that trigger your episodes. I hope you find help to cope with your memories and triggers. There is hope and you 'candoit'.

    Choose life, God's Grace and humor - mercygive

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