Bipolar Disorder Community

Hi everyone,

Just thought I'd share a bit of what has been going on for me the past couple months or so.

First, you may remember a few months ago when I went to DVR (Division of Vocational Rehabilitation) for the purpose of getting help to get back to work. The first appt ended up being my first and last because it was clear to the case worker and myselef that I wasns't ready to go back. She said that when I could volunteer 15-20 hrs per week with good attendance, to contact her and we could start all over.

So about a week ago when I was thinking, I realized that for me, that stradegy would not work. I was not one who could transition from volunteer work to employment because of my personality and my lack of inner motivation in certain areas. I have been like that all my life - it's who I am.

So I emailed my case worker and explained to her that the reason volunteering doesn't work for me as a stepping stone for employment is because it requires internal motivation and drive. I have no outside "carrot" making me go and stay I could come and go as I pleased and would end up not going at all, which is what happend at the place I was trying volunteer at. When it comes to external motivation; I'm loyal, devoted, hard working, and on time! The external motivation for me with a job is not just a paycheck, though that is part of it, but it's also consequences for if my attendance is bad or my work is substandard, etc. I can be the hardest worker when external motivation is leading me.

Anyway, I continued on with the letter and spelled out in detail what I want and don't want (what will work and won't work for me) - these are things that I know DVR can do for me. I reminded her of my extreme pre-employment fears and how I needed more one-on-one help (as also was recommended for me by a Neuropsychologist)

The following day I got a reply from her and agreed to let me re-apply for DVR services and have her still be my case worker. Reapplying is just procedure - I will/do qualify. So I have an appt with her (Mary) on the 10th of Oct to start over. I told her that my goal in coming in for help was to get a part time job sometime within 1 year of when we start. I decided that I want to work part time as I'm not ready for full time and that may be the case from here on out. With working part time and keeping my gross within a certain amount, I will get to keep all my disability benefits and get the paycheck. That will make things much easier for me financially.

I'm scared, but I need to work, so I'm going to let Mary help me. I told her to expect me to be stubborn at times due to fear and that I may be slow sometimes due to my dyslexia, but I am a hard worker. She's Ok with that.

Thanks for listening
Debbie