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I feel there is no hope
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lotus posted:
I spent my day having all this psychological testing. It is so depressing and exhausting. Some more possible diagnosis. Who cares. I was pretty normal slight situational depression tx. with prozac. No real problems before. I was happily married, had two boys, professionally successful. My husband,Mike and I was raising our boys together. One was severly physically and mentally challenged. But we were doing it. I was a RN Branch Manager of a Pediatric Clinic. I had worked for 25 years as a pediatric nurse. Mike and I had some major challenges during our marriage but we handled together.
In 2000, Mike died suddenly of MI. After that I lost everything. My first of over 40ish psych hospitalizations was may 2000 for major depression, PTSD, severe grief. My dx changed to bipolar a few years later. The pyschologist today said I might be part neurotic part psycotic. That sounds like I am getting better. In June 2000, my special son was given up because I couldn't take care of him. I lost custody of him when he turn 18. In dec 2000 I could no longer work and was put on SSDI. I sort of took care of my other son in between hosp. I was a terrible mom. I have tried to return to work 3 times over the 12 years. I only lasted 3 months and I crashed and was hosp. So at this point in my life I am no longer a wife, a mother, or a nurse. Basically I am nothing. I feel that I went totally crazy over night, that I should just wake up and be normal. The other part that sucks is that all the treatment that I had, I really not much better off than 2000. Well I am not as catatonic. I remember when I have been in the hosp. I am a lot poor paying for all the crap. My cat loves me no matter what. Thanks for listening to my ranting.
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slik_kitty responded:
welcome to the board. you will find understanding people here.
 
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ddnos responded:
Hi Lotus,

I'm sure this quote may seem like an empty platitude, but have a look at it anyway.

It says, "Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.[br>Dale Carnegie

I can understand how in your situation there seems to be no hope all all, but there 's always hope. Sometimes we just don't see it; but look for it and hang onto to -even a shread of it, and you will find that it helps get you through even the darkest times.

Hold onto hope!

Debbie
Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown
 
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Anneinside responded:
I am no longer a wife (divorced), my only child died, and I am on SSD and no longer a professor. But I am still a mother and still have my education (Ph.D) so I am still "Dr." You still have children, you are still a mother. You still have your education and are still a nurse even though you aren't working.


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