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Overwhelmed and pissed and helpless
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melly2210 posted:
I'm really just venting...I haven't been posting much of anything here at all. I feel bad. We're all in a bad place again, and I think we've sync'd our moods like women sync their periods.

I saw my ortho today and I need surgery on my wrist. I have De Quervain's Disease and to relieve the tendon on my right thumb, they need to cut another tendon which will grow back. Copay? $150. Occup. Ther after? Copay $45/each visit.

Things with all the kids have gone to heck in a handbasket. dd isn't speaking to me cause I won't be responsible for her unsupervised visits...she's not ready. Which means she's likely going to miss the celebration Saturday for our wedding...and she'll be pissy about that cause she was in jail for the wedding. Everything should revolve around her. NOT. Ds1 did not get credit for his Algebra class last year. Apparently failed the end of year exam, but got a B in the class. JUST finding that out, and ex is oblivious. ds2 is failing reading and has a d in math. Why? Cause no one at his home checks his homework. And the discussion with the ex today ended with "let him fail" (dad's direct quote). We need to move and ASAP because no one at their house cares about them, apparently. And there is no room here.

That being said, financially, we can't afford to move.yet. We need to furnish a 2 br apt. So I am upset that I can't proceed to start legal action to gain full custody of them.

The adverse reaction I had with the hallucinations backed off, but the mixed episode returned with a vengeance. I'm walking around fighting tears all day, mad at the world but mostly myself for getting sick to begin with. You know that viscous cycle where you know you shouldn't be if-only-ing but can't stop yourself cause if it hadn't happened, life would be soooooo different and better right now.

I know I have reached a breaking point. I'm at my wits end over money and the boys. Tired of having the same old fight over and over again about them with the ex, about S and his mom's constant, neverending litany of BS and complaining and substance abuse. And I am sick and tired of being tired. Sick and tired of feeling totally helpless. I want a d@mn do-over button!

Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
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DizzyJgirl responded:
(((Melly))). You have your hands full for sure. I wish I had some advice for you but you do have my thoughts. I understand how it is to be overwhelmed like that...and feel alone in it. I get overwhelmed and tired on every level. I just hope things ease for you. You find some help. Know we are here for you. xo
Live Life Loud
 
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bpcookie responded:
Hey Melly honey, Ohhhh goodness girl, you have a lot going on right now. Too much. No wonder your pissed, I would be too. This should be a time of happiness in your life. You and S are still newlyweds. On Sat., push all the stress aside and think only about you and S and your celebration. Big hugs
The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning. ~Ivy Baker Priest
 
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melly2210 replied to DizzyJgirl's response:
I appreciate the thoughts. It's good to know that others feel like I do when things get like this.

Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
 
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melly2210 replied to bpcookie's response:
Ya know, it finally dawned on me why I am so freaking pissed. At least for most of it. Not only am I feeling helpless in a lot of this, I am absolutely tired of the control games. Ex is playing them through the schools. I'm going to have to physically go there with the divorce decree and force my way in to correct all the problems. I think he wants the kids to fail or just doesn't see that this behavior is probably a cry for attention. The MIL is about her substance abuse. She does it because of her addiction and does it while I'm present (the stuff gives me an instant migraine) so it pushes me out of the room. She controls when we shower, do laundry, attempt to do dishes. It's insane.

I am excited about Saturday and am trying to push the BS aside. My sisters from another mother are both going to be there. R is flying in all the way from TX and T is coming down with the entire family from Ocala. My boys are going to be there. My mom and step-dad will be too. Frankly, I don't give a rat's butt about S's family since they are all either playing along with the control games or are indifferent to how and what S and I are going through.

Thanks for the hugs.

Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson


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