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Worried for my wife.
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An_248416 posted:
My wife has trust issues. Recently she broke into my email and found some conversations that were innocent to a coworker that she ended up turning into a pretty huge ordeal and even considers taking a break. I have never cheated on my wife and aside from some innocent flirting, which I find natural, I am eternally faithful.

She has acted this way in the past and I used to get angry, but I ended up noticing a pattern in when she brings this to my attention. Usually when she is at her most stressed period at work, or finances or weather changes etc. when these all come to a head she ends up accusing me of cheating, lying and stops eating and cries and gets overly emotional and irrational so the point where nothing I say is positive. Any way I try to disarm or prove to her I'm faithful it ends up being me on the defensive or lying in general.

As of late when this ever comes up I just try to be patient and hope it passes but this ends up feeling like I'm just enabling her actions and the more I apologize it feels like I'm simply proving her feelings to be correct.

I'm concerned that maybe it is a form of bipolar that I'm unaware, or some mental health issue other than that or if she is simply just that sensitive and emotional. She has admitted to me that she has self esteem issues.

Our own sex life is good. Typically we are very happy as we are best friends. I cook for her (as I love too), I work on the home and take care of her any way I can as I feel any man should do for a wife. We tell each other we love one another daily and nothing ever seems out of place or boring until I get accused of these things then I'm blindsided and confused and scared.
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CanadianDyanne responded:
Hi there,

Hum, have you ever tried to discuss her fears/concerns when she is NOT acting this way? I know you probably dont want to stir the pot so to speak, if things are going well, but maybe that is the best time. Maybe there is a deeper reason she gets this way.
Sounds like you two have been together for quite a while, maybe its just a state of unassurance she is going thru. Maybe there is an issue with herself, ie she has gained weight (a huge thing for women) that she could be experiencing hence thinking it effects how you feel about her?

As a female, I can only suggest making her feel appreciated when things are 'normal'; possibly approaching the issue while things are calm; thirdly, if/when she acts this way, dont respond. I agree with what you said about apologizing. If you are innocent, then why do so? Just let her know you dont know hat to say. "I dont know what it is you want to hear so maybe I should not say anything at all." type of comments. Silence sometimes makes the other see that they are being irrational.

Good luck and dont give up!
 
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billlarson533 replied to CanadianDyanne's response:
Thanks. I was worried no one would reply. My wife has not gained weight, her body drives me nuts in the best way and let her know that yet she still calls herself fat occasionally.

I haven't talked to her today. I'm hoping she's starting to realize she's irrational rather than stewing more and concocting more worries or allegations.


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