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Avoidance
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sandtiger posted:
Lately I find myself avoiding people more and more, and I think it's starting to irritate people, both my friends and those who I just know because of work and such. A great deal of this, I thought, was because of financial hardship - I couldn't go out to writer's meetings or such because I had to conserve gas for work, and felt bad every time someone bought a coffee for me because I couldn't.

Now, today, I look back and realize maybe its been going on longer than that. At work I had a secretary call up and speak very forcefully to me - not AT me, she wasn't mean, she was fussing about someone having not completed something weeks ago, and I completed it this morning but for a later date than what they needed because I had no clue. I shrank. Literally, even though she was only on the phone, I shrank in my chair and let her rant and couldn't sum up even a word or two either in my defense or to apologize.

I'm getting easily irritated on a minor level and yet I shy away when conflict looks possible, and just want to crawl in a hole and disappear. Its kind of beginning to rot inside of me, this mix between despising others and being afraid of them.

And the worst of it is, I can't try to go out and do something positive to cheer myself up like I would normally try to do, because I can't use my gas up and I have no money to spend even on a 'me-time' basis...

~ San
:: Living is more than just being alive - Anberlin ::
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lexismom11 responded:
Can you try to do something nice for yourself at home? Maybe taking a nice bath and wrap up in a blanket. Watch some tv maybe. These things would not require any gas or even having to leave the house.

I can understand the irritability part because I get the same way. Then I have to tell myself that what I am getting irritated about is not a big deal. It doesn't always work but at least you are recognizing when this is happening to you. That's a step in the right direction.
 
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mercygive responded:
I agree with you about bleeding the consumer gas prices - another example of shameless greed. I am considering looking for another job that is closer to home because my gas expense is more than my monthly utilities combined. Let your friends buy you coffee because they know you are having hard times. On their birthdays, or whatever occasion, give them a box of special blended tea, or give them one of your beautifully crafted bracelets or your time lending an ear or shoulder. Whatever you do, a friend will kindly appreciate your thankfulness. Perhaps you could invite your writing class over to your house once a month. No gas expense and you still get the social interaction. I really like to go to the park or to a book store to get out for some 'me time' but I also have to consider the gas cost and I don't do it often. When the budget is tight, I enjoy shopping at Good Will, Salvation Army and the dollar stores, and I have found a lot of good buys.

I used to sink into deep depression that would lead to thoughts of a quick and painless exit if anyone criticized me, looked at me the wrong way, or especially, if they deliberately shunned me. When I am confronted unexpectedly, I can feel the blood rushing to my head, my face tingles and my stomach does the breathing for my lungs. It feels worse than anxiety for me. Even if I had witty comebacks in response to rudeness I would still have these feelings inside. People who are gifted with witticism and sarcasm often offend and hurt others who are sensitive, and not so sensitive. Your shyness can be viewed by others as attributes of discernment and wisdom. Withdrawnness, I think sometimes, can be a sign of anger. I had a 10 lb bag of sand wrapped in tape and black garbage bags that I made myself. I used it as a punching bag and it felt wonderful to wear myself out on it.

On another note, I notice that my group leader appears to be irritated with me when I miss the weekly women's study. I always call to let someone know that I won't be there or that I will be late which is rarely. She seems irritated with me when I don't contribute to the discussions as much as everyone else on occasions. She seems irritated with the inconsistency and unpredictability of my moods; energized cheerfulness actively involved humorous swing to dull, quiet, down and dreary. Regardless of what her opinion is of me or what she observes in me, she should respect my times of solitude and quietness (often tiredness) without being offended by it, just politely concerned, and be there waiting as a real friend when I come back to my light-hearted self. I would extend that common courtesy to her and others because I know how important it is. Although, we do need to tell people what we need and not assume that they know. We have to share who we are. I have major trust issues and cannot fake it all of the time which is often the crux of my irritability.

Hugs and don't despair -
,
Choose life, God's Grace and humor - mercygive


 
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bpcookie responded:
Hey San Honey, I totally understand avoiding ppl. If my health issues are bothering me, or I'm depressed, I just don't want to be around anyone. Hope things get better for you soon. muahs

Lexismom hun, You have some very good ideas. Taking a hot bubble bath and surrounding yourself with scented candles is very soothing. hugs

Mercy Hun, I have missed you so much. I haven't seen you on the board for a while. The leader of your womans group should def. respect you and if you don't want to contribute or don't feel up to it, then she should shut her pie hole and leave you alone. Big hugs

About gas prices. Its day light robbery. A scam. When oil prices are high, they jack up the prices of gas far too high. They use the excuse that more ppl are using gas. Then when oil prices go down, gas prices hardly budge. They are ripping us off.
You may go through life hearing a 1000 NO's but don't give up because your YES is out there waiting for you.- (Something my father told me.)


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