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It's a Mystery-Poem-
ddnos posted:
This is a poem written with my tdoc in mind. The reason is because suddenly, out of the blue, after many years, this is the FIRST time that I have gone day after day, and going on 3 months now, without feeling the NEED to see her. This poem describes some of my feelings around it.

It's a Mystery

I'm afraid of not needing you
What happened?
I keep waiting for it to come back
I keep wondering if I hid it deep inside
What if it comes back and you are gone?
What if the less I need you, the more you push me away?
If I need you tomorrow, will you tell me I don't?
It's a mystery to me
In days past - in years past - my heart could not beat on its own
Now your heart beats separate
It's still within me
But I don't depend on it for my survival
When did this happen?
How did this happen?
Is this just temporary?
Or have I taken a step of independance?
Have I learned that my heart won't break without you?
I enjoy not needing you, at least for now
I feel empowered
I feel stronger
I feel free to need you when I need you instead of being controlled by that need
I feel in control of my own ups and downs
I can take them on myself
I don't always need you anymore
I've learned how to get up when I fall
And I've learned when I need your help
The two paths are independant of each other
But I'm still afraid of not needing you
What if I'm just blind and I need you now more than ever?
What if this experience is a fraud that will lead me to destruction?
It's a mystery to me

Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown
ddnos responded:
I sent the above poem to my tdoc and she wrote me back saying the following:

"Good Morning to you too, Debbie.

I love your poem and your words, and I am delighted to hear where you find yourself. Your poem is all about healing, and did I not tell you that one day you would get to this point? You are using all you have learned and have taken it into your heart. Your hard work is paying off, and you are stronger than you have ever been. This does not mean that there won't be moments of feeling like you did before, but the good news is that you know that you can reach this point again and stay there for a long time. It is part of letting go, of separating from your therapist which is part of the therapeutic journey as well. At some level inside you, you have decided what you want to do, and you are doing it.

To feel what you felt before again is not a failure, only part of the letting go process. Savor the mystery rather than being afraid of it.


I appreciate her so much!

Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown
slik_kitty responded:
that's wonderful. i hope all is going well with you. haven't heard from you in a while. hugs
ddnos replied to slik_kitty's response:
Thank you Kitty! I will email you within next day or two, ok?

Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown

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