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    Serious Thursday daily post. May contain triggers.
    jselleck posted:
    Morning all. Hope everyone is doing well.

    Weather: Cold but supposed to get warmer next few days.

    Sleep: Crazy cycle. Off and on. Slept all day yesterday, then was up at the crack of dawn this morning. Think I might be coming to the end of my mania.

    Mood: So-so. Sleeping a lot which is a sign that I may be coming out of my mania cycle, (fingers crossed) So tired of all the insanity lately. Hoping things will get better soon.

    Plans: We picked up the truck this morning, fortunately only cost $235. Still between the two repairs we've wiped out our savings. Matt's aunt may be sending us a CD that his grandmother got for him several years ago which may save our behinds. If it ever gets here. Not much else going on. May clean house if I get the energy to do so. Don't know. Really tired. Hope everyone has a great day. Hugs to those who want/need them. Peace out.

    monkeybee responded:
    Weather: Cold!

    Sleep: little, but more than the night before.

    Mood: was great until I started schooling my girls and my 2 year old started throwing a fit: because he wanted out of the gate, because he wanted juice, because he wanted me to hold him. UGH...he would not stop the fit throwing and it was all I had not to lose my mind. I put him in the bedroom, closed the door and went downstairs, where there were no kids. I took deep breaths, to no avail, and then threw my head against a wall and threw a juice cup across the room. Very sane reaction, let me tell you. Now I'm in a fine mood again but I'm irritated by the kids if they inconvenience me (please note the sarcasm, I realize I am being ridiculous). It is maddening to be home with 4 kids under 6 anyway. I talked to my pdoc when I was there about if I was safe to be home with them...and since I have never been a danger to them, he thought yes. He wouldn't just be nice, would he? My husband says "I wouldn't leave them with you if it weren't safe." I know I wouldn't hurt them, but I'm not always nice and I'm wondering if I am starting to lose my mind again. I couldn't be right? I've only felt sane for a short while. I was online late last night looking up demonology again...that is the wrong direction for me...way, way, way wrong direction. I have to remind myself, yes, I have a mental illness and yes, I need medicine.

    Plans: Not to lose my mind again and later visit with a friend and her little girl.
    lexismom11 responded:
    Good afternoon;

    Weather: Not too bad, 49 degrees.

    Sleep: Good, too much

    Mood: anxious

    Plans; My daughter is home sick from school again. She has a lot of homework to make up so we are working on that. Will make dinner and have her take a shower. Hopefully she will be in school tomorrow.
    lexismom11 replied to monkeybee's response:
    I don't think your doctor or your husband would let you stay home with the kids if you weren't ok enough to be around them. You may feel like you are going insame sometimes, but there is a difference between feeling that way and acting on it. Try to take breaks when your husband is home to watch the kids for a while.
    monkeybee replied to lexismom11's response:
    Thank you lexismom11. I hope you feel better soon. It is terrible to be depressed, especially an anxious depression. I hope you get some joy in your day and that your daughter feels better soon. I noticed that no matter how you are feeling, you seem to offer good advice to me and others. That's so thoughtful; I imagine your daughter is blessed to have you as a mom!

    I think you're probably right about my situation. To be honest, I think I have become obsessed with the prospect of losing touch again and its all I can think about. I know some of this stuff is normal, and especially circumstancial. Its hard to know what is normal and what isn't when you don't realize you're unwell until you're well again. I am afraid of it.
    lexismom11 replied to monkeybee's response:
    The best thing to do would be to talk to your therapist about all of this. He or she can help you sort it out so maybe you don't feel like you are losing your mind. It sounds like there are people around you who will be able to let you know if you are losing touch with reality. Just try not to think about it too much, you will only drive yourself crazy.

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