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Could Trigger- Need to vent where people understand...
cddarlyn posted:
It has been years since I posted here, in fact if it wasn't for this board I wouldn't be in as great as place as I am, but today I am really having a hard time.
How do you deal with a spouse who doesn't see when you need support. I am so tired of doing this alone, my therapist is wonderful but she isn't there everyday, and like right now I am hitting an overload and because my husband who has his own problems (work and health) doesn't notice me, it hurts me that I have to tell him and then he doesn't ever do anything that help and that makes me angry even more. I am not a child I am 60 we have been married 33 years.
I wasn't diagnosed until I was 42, two years after a physcotic break. LONG story. I am mostly stable now, but getting depressed, so upped antidepressant this am. Dealing with LOTS of stress other than normal,
and thought I was managing ok until this morning... and got all weepy and angry.
Pity party time... whine and cheese anyone.
It always helps being able to "talk" about it, my oldest daughter has heard this over and over, but other than saying I am sorry mom, and offering for me to come to her house (she lives 5 hours away and not a possibility for me, I have home job and pets) and youngest daughter won't listen, I have NO one other than therapist to listen, I am only child with both parents gone now, no close friends who care, some wonderful phone friends, but they have heard this before, and they have great spouses...or are not married.
I keep telling myself I can do this, I can, but then I get sucked into something that I can't cope with, this time, it is being alone today, husband wanted me to cook for Thanksgiving, full dinner for the two of us, and for some stupid reason I said OK, but then this morning, looked at the house that is a mess, (really bad) and realized I am NOT doing all that wor alone, he can help me tomorrow and we can have an evening meal. He said OH I am sorry I can't take off to help you...
I am getting dressed and going to town and getting out of here for a while. Maybe see if there is a movie I want to see... haven't ever done that, since we have been married.
Thanks for listening, hard to belive it only took me 60 years to learn to stand up for me.
Hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving and I know we will work this out, my husband loves me he is just dumb and thoughtless... we are going through a lot, I had thyroid cancer this year and fixing to go through another screening, we are trying to get a loan to build a house, we live in a 30 yr old mobile home, and my husband just got put on insulin for his diabites. We also have had a recent decrease in pay and with the health care law change can't put as much in medical saving for next year, that really has us stressed as the 5000 we put in last year was gone by Sept. and we can only put in 2500 this next year...
I just needed to vent cry and rant a while, most of my depression is caused by anger held in ...I am good at not realizing I am angry...takes me a while, wish I could learn to say H#LL NO!
God Bless and Hugss.
Christine
How do you deal with a spouse who doesn't see when you need support. I am so tired of doing this alone, my therapist is wonderful but she isn't there everyday, and like right now I am hitting an overload and because my husband who has his own problems (work and health) doesn't notice me, it hurts me that I have to tell him and then he doesn't ever do anything that help and that makes me angry even more. I am not a child I am 60 we have been married 33 years.
I wasn't diagnosed until I was 42, two years after a physcotic break. LONG story. I am mostly stable now, but getting depressed, so upped antidepressant this am. Dealing with LOTS of stress other than normal,
and thought I was managing ok until this morning... and got all weepy and angry.
Pity party time... whine and cheese anyone.
It always helps being able to "talk" about it, my oldest daughter has heard this over and over, but other than saying I am sorry mom, and offering for me to come to her house (she lives 5 hours away and not a possibility for me, I have home job and pets) and youngest daughter won't listen, I have NO one other than therapist to listen, I am only child with both parents gone now, no close friends who care, some wonderful phone friends, but they have heard this before, and they have great spouses...or are not married.
I keep telling myself I can do this, I can, but then I get sucked into something that I can't cope with, this time, it is being alone today, husband wanted me to cook for Thanksgiving, full dinner for the two of us, and for some stupid reason I said OK, but then this morning, looked at the house that is a mess, (really bad) and realized I am NOT doing all that wor alone, he can help me tomorrow and we can have an evening meal. He said OH I am sorry I can't take off to help you...
I am getting dressed and going to town and getting out of here for a while. Maybe see if there is a movie I want to see... haven't ever done that, since we have been married.
Thanks for listening, hard to belive it only took me 60 years to learn to stand up for me.
Hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving and I know we will work this out, my husband loves me he is just dumb and thoughtless... we are going through a lot, I had thyroid cancer this year and fixing to go through another screening, we are trying to get a loan to build a house, we live in a 30 yr old mobile home, and my husband just got put on insulin for his diabites. We also have had a recent decrease in pay and with the health care law change can't put as much in medical saving for next year, that really has us stressed as the 5000 we put in last year was gone by Sept. and we can only put in 2500 this next year...
I just needed to vent cry and rant a while, most of my depression is caused by anger held in ...I am good at not realizing I am angry...takes me a while, wish I could learn to say H#LL NO!
God Bless and Hugss.
Christine
3 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Could Trigger- Need to vent where people understand...It has been years since I posted here, in fact if it wasn't for this board I wouldn't be in as great as place as I am, but today I am really having a hard time.<br /> <br />How do you deal with a spouse who doesn't see when you need support. I am so tired of doing this alone, my therapist is wonderful but she isn't there everyday, and like right now I am hitting an overload and because my husband who has his own problems (work and health) doesn't notice me, it hurts me that I have to tell him and then he doesn't ever do anything that help and that makes me angry even more. I am not a child I am 60 we have been married 33 years.<br /> <br />I wasn't diagnosed until I was 42, two years after a physcotic break. LONG story. I am mostly stable now, but getting depressed, so upped antidepressant this am. Dealing with LOTS of stress other than normal,<br />and thought I was managing ok until this morning... and got all weepy and angry.<br /> <br />Pity party time... whine and cheese anyone.<br /> <br />It always helps being able to "talk" about it, my oldest daughter has heard this over and over, but other than saying I am sorry mom, and offering for me to come to her house (she lives 5 hours away and not a possibility for me, I have home job and pets) and youngest daughter won't listen, I have NO one other than therapist to listen, I am only child with both parents gone now, no close friends who care, some wonderful phone friends, but they have heard this before, and they have great spouses...or are not married.<br /> <br />I keep telling myself I can do this, I can, but then I get sucked into something that I can't cope with, this time, it is being alone today, husband wanted me to cook for Thanksgiving, full dinner for the two of us, and for some stupid reason I said OK, but then this morning, looked at the house that is a mess, (really bad) and realized I am NOT doing all that wor alone, he can help me tomorrow and we can have an evening meal. He said OH I am sorry I can't take off to help you... <br /> <br />I am getting dressed and going to town and getting out of here for a while. Maybe see if there is a movie I want to see... haven't ever done that, since we have been married.<br /> <br />Thanks for listening, hard to belive it only took me 60 years to learn to stand up for me.<br />Hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving and I know we will work this out, my husband loves me he is just dumb and thoughtless... we are going through a lot, I had thyroid cancer this year and fixing to go through another screening, we are trying to get a loan to build a house, we live in a 30 yr old mobile home, and my husband just got put on insulin for his diabites. We also have had a recent decrease in pay and with the health care law change can't put as much in medical saving for next year, that really has us stressed as the 5000 we put in last year was gone by Sept. and we can only put in 2500 this next year...<br /> <br />I just needed to vent cry and rant a while, most of my depression is caused by anger held in ...I am good at not realizing I am angry...takes me a while, wish I could learn to say H#LL NO! <br /> <br />God Bless and Hugss.<br />Christine
bpcookie responded:
Christine hun, welcome back. I really feel for you. I can't imagine what it would be like to be ignored when I needed help from my husband. I am really lucky that my husband is so helpful.
I am glad that you stood up for yourself. It really makes you feel like you have a bit of control.
You have had a lot going on, lots of stress and worry and it must be very wearing on you. You really do need your husband to listen to you and help you. Perhaps couple counseling would work?
Also one more thing. Have you ever thought about taking a one night vacation? Just you and perhaps your daughter. Go to a hotel where they have a restaurant and bar area. Rent a room and bring all kinds of snacks and comfort food. Rent an in room movie. Sounds like escaping for a night or two may help you a great deal.
Big hugs to you.
I am glad that you stood up for yourself. It really makes you feel like you have a bit of control.
You have had a lot going on, lots of stress and worry and it must be very wearing on you. You really do need your husband to listen to you and help you. Perhaps couple counseling would work?
Also one more thing. Have you ever thought about taking a one night vacation? Just you and perhaps your daughter. Go to a hotel where they have a restaurant and bar area. Rent a room and bring all kinds of snacks and comfort food. Rent an in room movie. Sounds like escaping for a night or two may help you a great deal.
Big hugs to you.
You may go through life hearing a 1000 NO's but don't give up because your YES is out there waiting for you.- (Something my father told me.)
Report This| Share this:Could Trigger- Need to vent where people understand...Christine hun, welcome back. I really feel for you. I can't imagine what it would be like to be ignored when I needed help from my husband. I am really lucky that my husband is so helpful.<br /><br />I am glad that you stood up for yourself. It really makes you feel like you have a bit of control.<br /><br />You have had a lot going on, lots of stress and worry and it must be very wearing on you. You really do need your husband to listen to you and help you. Perhaps couple counseling would work?<br /><br />Also one more thing. Have you ever thought about taking a one night vacation? Just you and perhaps your daughter. Go to a hotel where they have a restaurant and bar area. Rent a room and bring all kinds of snacks and comfort food. Rent an in room movie. Sounds like escaping for a night or two may help you a great deal.<br /><br />Big hugs to you.
Mini vacation is a great idea with lots of comfort food (I LOVE that), maybe you could meet your daughter half way? Or, could you and your husband go on a date? My husband and I have little ones but sometimes we will have even just a date night at home. The extra attention set aside might give you both a time to express yourselves to one another and renew your relationship. Or maybe you could write him a letter? That sometimes works for me. My husband does care but takes nothing seriously.
I hope things look up for you and especially that your husband will let you lean on him. You need him and he should be there for you!
I hope things look up for you and especially that your husband will let you lean on him. You need him and he should be there for you!
Report This| Share this:Could Trigger- Need to vent where people understand...Mini vacation is a great idea with lots of comfort food (I LOVE that), maybe you could meet your daughter half way? Or, could you and your husband go on a date? My husband and I have little ones but sometimes we will have even just a date night at home. The extra attention set aside might give you both a time to express yourselves to one another and renew your relationship. Or maybe you could write him a letter? That sometimes works for me. My husband does care but takes nothing seriously. <br /> <br />I hope things look up for you and especially that your husband will let you lean on him. You need him and he should be there for you!
I think date night at home is a good idea. Me and hubby have movie night at home, every Friday evening.
You may go through life hearing a 1000 NO's but don't give up because your YES is out there waiting for you.- (Something my father told me.)
Report This| Share this:Could Trigger- Need to vent where people understand...I think date night at home is a good idea. Me and hubby have movie night at home, every Friday evening.
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