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It's been a while - stressed TRIGGER
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ddnos posted:
For those who know, my moms husband is an alcholic (bing drinker) and unlike normal, he's beendrinking since summer, with a few breaks in between, once going to detox for no reason cus started drinking day after he got out. He's been more aggressive, mean, moody. I was at my moms from 2 days before thanksgiving till yesterday and thanksgiving middle of the night, i heard jeff threatening my mom. he said he was going to burn the house down and everything that's hers and would do it on purpose. he also said he was going to kill the cat and kill her too. I was freaking out layen on couch with alarm remote in my hand, not knowing what he wouldd o. finally he stopped. i called my brother next morning, he came over had talk with jeff (too many details) and then convinced jeff to let my brother take alcholo out of house. but by evening, jeff went got more. jeff was mean with mean, i was scared of him, afraid to turn back to him. afraid to be in dark sleeping. then i told my brother jeff start drinking again and he said he wil call jeff and that he will bring booze back to him and tell him to drink till he die. i say no please don't do that because gonna just make worse for mom. he said that she chose her life. i said but she not capable of defending or protecting herself against jeff. he said that she is, all she have to do is get pan and whack against head. i says, 'yeah right? you think mom gonna do that? she wouldnt even think to do that or anything like that, plus, hes big. mom don't deserve no more extr stress from us. i say yplease don't call and bring over booze. but he said he was. i email his wife to give him message not to, and i email my ssiter to tellhim not to, she said she would call. but hopefully its not too late. if that azzwipe lay one hand on my mom he gonna be regret it. i am so stressed and anxiety a bout this i had to take 4 lorazepma last night to sleep. i wonder should i stay at moms till jeff dies to make sure she safe.? jeff is unhealthy and appear dying fast, wish faster. if he been threatening her before , then that is obvious reason why she just enable him - i mean, at last big part of reason, because she don't want consecuqneces if she say no. I feel lik such a bad person for wanting him dead and out of picture, but i do. Of course, im not gonna do anything aotu it, but just as bad wanting it in heart.
debbie
Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown
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slik_kitty responded:
hugs dd. so sorry your time over there was so bad. you staying there is only going to make you miserable and won't help your mom. she has made her choice and won't stand up to him, and there is nothing you can do to change that. if you fear for her life, then you call the cops and get him locked up in detox or a mental ward. you being there won't stop him from doing anything. it will only get you caught in the middle of it all. so it's best that you go home and take care of you, cuz staying there will hurt you.
 
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ibex7 responded:
Debbie Dear,
Please take Kitty's advice to escape the stress at Mom's. You sound so agitated, try to get away from the source of your worry. Seek peace for yourself but be ready to help your mom should she call. Do not hesitate to call police if you think you should. Look for safety for everybody. (((ddnos)))
 
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jselleck replied to ibex7's response:
Debbie, I agree with everyone else. I was in a position similar to your mom several years ago before I got back together with Matt. The guy I was living with was not only an abusive jerk and drunk, but a pedophile as well. What finally woke me up to the problems in my life was my birthday night. We had to go to Indiana from our home in Georgia for a court appearance and to visit my grandmother in the hospital. He pitched a fit over me going to the hospital and after we made it home we got into the worst fight we ever had and he tried to break my arm. That was the final straw. The next day I packed my bags and left him. But not before turning off all the utilities in my name. You should have seen the look on his face when he came home and had no electricity, no phone, and no cable. Who says I don't have a mean streak in me??? I pray to God that your mother will get the help she needs to stand up to her husband. It hurts to see a loved one in pain, especially when there's not much you can do about it. Hoping that things turn out for the best for your family. Muahs....

Jessica
 
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bpcookie responded:
aaaawwwww Debbie honey, nobody should have to go through what Jeff is putting everyone through. He is making those around him miserable. On top of that he is threatening your mothers life. What a horrible horrible low life he is.

The situation that your in is very touchy. You can call the police but will your mother just end up defending him? Or would she be truthful and tell them that Jeff did threaten her life. Any time family is involved it can become very messy.

I would love to give you suggestions but I'm not in your situation. I will say this though, please stay safe and if you believe that you are in danger then remove yourself from harms way.

big hugs honey.
You may go through life hearing a 1000 NO's but don't give up because your YES is out there waiting for you.- (Something my father told me.)
 
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ddnos replied to slik_kitty's response:
thanks Kitty. I konw that staying there would only aggrivate him and stress me out; but i can't stop going there like i do now, i.e.about once a month for 4-5 days. I do that for my mom to help her with cleaning and any exra cleaning that needs to be done and for her to have some company at last once a month. I will know this time to just not say anything to jeff that will likely tick him off becasue he takes it out on my mom. But I can't just not go there like normal because it would be like punishing my mom for jeff and i cna't do that. she needs the help and support. jeff's health is going down h ill and all i can hope for is that he passes away soon and puts himself out of his misery and everyone else around him. but as far as staying there most of the time i agree, is not a good idea. i just want to explode. ive never met a piece of crap person in all my life and i don't understand why my mom puts up with him. she's wondered that herself and has said in past that she will be relieved when he dies. i've been falling apart over this and can't stop crying at every little thing. i had an appt sched with my tdoc for dec 6 but asked if she could move it to this week, which she can. so i see her on thursday. it will probably just be a stupid crying session. lol
hugs
debbie
Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown
 
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ddnos replied to ibex7's response:
thanks you goat, jessica and cookie - like i said to kitty, i won't stay there long term, btu i will contineu to go there every month 4-5 nights because my mom needs help with every day stuff and companionship - she gets none of that from jeff. i know my mom is afraid to leave - not even sure if she wnatns to, but she has given hints like she wants to but doesn't know how. i told her to think about what SHE wants and not worry about what anyone thinks, and then if she decide sh don't want to live with him anymore, we, my siblings, can help her know what to do. i know she don't want to divorce becasu she don't want to give up half her house and retirement money - stupid, i know, but that's who she is. but maybe she could either legally separate or put restraining order against him, but it would have to be done very careful and she would have to be out of that house where he know she is, she would have to move where he couldn't find her, and like you, jessica, turn offf the power so he can't just live in there while she not there. so far, he is refusing medical hel p and i hope he continues - i know, i'm mean to say that, but ifyou knew him, most would likely say the same thing.

Ive had to be extra sedated at nigth so i sleep. my doc called me last night at 11:30 p.m. because i emailed her and told her how much i was taking and was that ok, and sehe called to say no, that not ok and said what ok to take.

Ok, i need to go now. thanks again everyone for support
hugs
debbie
Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown


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