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Pointing Fingers
sandtiger posted:
Over the past six months I've been see-sawing the blame of my deteriorating condition alternately on myself, and on my doc. I was doing so well before he started changing my meds, but then again something had to have happened to make the changing of meds a 'needed' thing in my view, because I wouldn't just change for the sake of change... only that was over a year ago and I can't remember what it would have been.

Since then I've been progressively getting worse, due to the medications he's been putting me on and the side-effects and the kick-backs and ... I have FMLA at work but I've been using it left and right since March because I have been having so much trouble. Focusing, staying awake, being too anxious, being (major) depressed ... the list goes on.

I always want to put blame on myself first and foremost, especially when I'm having trouble. But when things are 'clear' (as they are for a brief spell now), I remember that HE'S the one who kept switching me from one sedative to another, when my BP is primarily on the depressive side of the scale (depressive BP + sedatives = sluggish/stupid/suicidal San). HE'S the one who kept brushing off the symptoms and not listening when I said I was falling apart. HE'S the one who has YET to fill out my short-term disability paperwork so I can get paid for the MONTH LEAVE that my boss made me take when I had an episode at work.

I don't want to blame everything on him because I know somehow at somepoint its got to be partially my fault ... but now the blame is swinging in his direction and I can't remember what I could have done to cause all this.

~ San
:: Living is more than just being alive - Anberlin ::
bpcookie responded:
San Honey Bunny, this doesn't sound like your fault. So I don't think you should be pointing the finger at yourself. If you were feeling better before your Dr. started switching meds. then the Dr. obviously doesn't know you well enough to treat you. If he is just poo pooing everything away then that is HIS fault. I can't stand a Dr. who doesn't listen to their patients. Perhaps you need to find another Dr. or get a bit pissy with him. There has been times when I've had to get pissy with my Dr.s because they weren't doing anything about my health issues. Sometimes you have to tell them what needs to be done. They don't like it but it seems to work for me, when needed.

I feel for you honey. I hope things start going your way soon. big hugs
You may go through life hearing a 1000 NO's but don't give up because your YES is out there waiting for you.- (Something my father told me.)
lexismom11 responded:
I have to agree with cookie. I don't think this is your fault. Your doctor is supposed to be there to listen to you. If he is not listening to you maybe it is time for a new Dr. You should be able to get your paperwork done in a timely manner too. Especially since you won't get paid unless it is completed. I've been in the position of needing paperwork filled out or medical records faxed and my doctor was pokey about it too. It's like they don't realize or care how important that paperwork is. You shouldn't blame yourself if you have been telling him how it's been for you.
sandtiger responded:
Thanks sooo ladies, your responses have helped... I'm sure you noticed I was kind of beating myself up about it. lol

I am going to be seeing him today for a regular appt, and I'm taking my paperwork with me. We'll see how it goes!

~ San
:: Living is more than just being alive - Anberlin ::

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