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Trigger: Re-Finding your faith
monkeybee posted:
Hi friends!

I am wondering if anyone else has ever had a psychotic episode that involved your faith. If not, has anyone ever had a crisis of faith? I just went so far in a psychotic manic episode, that now everything I did prior to this episode makes me sick to my stomach. Not only that, but I am thinking and doing things I have said for years I will never do. How do you get back to a healthy place after such an episode if you are still a believer (my personal faith is a belief in Jesus as my Savior)? How do you get over fear that practicing your faith (even prayer) will make you ill? It just snuck up on me before and I am afraid it will happen again. Has anyone experienced this that could spare some advice?


davedsel57 responded:
Hello, Monkeybee.

I think I understand what you are going through. I've had doubts about my faith, yet still maintain my close walk with Him which has been since I was 8 years old. Remember that 2 Timothy 1:7 says "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." Claim that promise and you will have the victory over the enemy, whom I believe is at work in your case. Remember also that the reality is your fear will never be realized. The only thing that will come from practicing your faith is a closer walk with the Lord and blessings.

I hope this helps. I will be praying for you.
Please click on my user name or avatar picture to read my story.


monkeybee replied to davedsel57's response:

Thanks for your kind words! I appreciate and need prayers right now! I know what you are saying about the enemy being at work in my mind, especially when my mind was very weak. The psychotic parts of the episode included delusions, auditory and some visual hallucinations, and paranoia--all of which either revolved around or started with my beliefs. I am now well enough to realize that this was psychosis and that the Holy Spirit was not speaking to me. But, reading my Bible and praying regularly are things that became immensely exaggerated without me realizing, and after months of not sleeping, evolved into delusions and psychosis. In my case, practicing my faith turned into an obsession which led to the worse manic episode I've ever had. I don't want to ever experience it again. Trusting that even if it does happen again He will carry me through, while I know is truth, is very hard right now. I need to come to some kind of middle ground between where I was while manic and now which is farther from Him than I have been since I gave my life to him, especially since I have started doing things that I would normally consider sin (and haven't thought of doing for years)--mostly self medicating. Anyway, sorry to ramble. Thanks for the hope and reminder. I just feel lost and I am frustrated that no matter what I say or do, no matter where I go, nothing feels "right" anymore.

Thanks again,

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