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Trigger: Dr G.: BPD vs BP1
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monkeybee posted:
Dr. G,

I just read your article on BPD. I have never had "relationship" issues (ie: always had friends, happily married, etc) and am not agressive. Also, prior to last year, aside from depressions, was stable; I have always been dynamic, but stable. I would lose my temper to the extreme on very rare occasions (perhaps mania that I was unaware of?) and rarely cried.

However, ever since the symptoms of my Bipolar returned with a vengeance, I have not been stable at all (or only for very short periods). Its not been as bad as it was (no psychosis) but I have been very unstable (OFTEN crying very hysterically for no reason), even when I don't feel depressed. Also, when I was young, I was a cutter and the temptation to resort to that has been overwhelming at times. I have thought at times I am better and then suddenly I find myself thinking about suicide. I have also always had very irrational (very irrational) fears--they come and go. I will say, I am never very aware of my moods. I can never say "I am depressed" or "I am manic" very well, only that I don't sleep for long periods and have rapid thoughts and my husband will say "you have a lot of energy" or I find myself sad, and my house a wreck, but still able to care for my kids (although emotionally unavailable to them). Most of the time, if I feel off in any way, I become very isolated, either way. I just wonder, if it is only Bipolar that I have or Bipolar and something else. If only Bipolar why so much instability even now, when I am on meds and unaware of any major mood. How can I ever know what is going on? I am trying so hard to figure all of this out and it frustrates me to no end. Thank you for any imput.

Sarah
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