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The Moody Wife
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bpcookie posted:
My Fairy God Mother did not show up and I'm out of my Happy Happy Joy Joy pills. I've been moody and crabby lately, so says the hubby. hhhmmm I wonder why. It couldn't be the fact that I'm Bipolar and peri menopausal and it surely cant be my chronic pain in the neck, shoulders, back and tail bone and I know it can't be the constant pain from my LSC, no way in Hell could it be my the guilt that I feel because Im the one draining our bank account on medical bills, or the fact that my husband has to do the vacuuming because of my back pain and asthma, nor could it be the guilt that I feel that my husband has to dust because of my asthma, no no no, it couldn't be any of those things. Also my husband has said on more than one occasion that he will never be able to retire at 65 because of my health issues and how much medical bills and medications cost and how much health insurance is. WOW, that makes me feel really good. More guilt piled on me. Causes even more depression. I feel like he is saying, if it wasn't for all your health problems then we would have more money.

My hubby is correct in saying that I have been crabby, moody and crying over little things, like crying over my never ending pain, or crying about not having any hope of ever getting better, or crying when I have taken all my pain meds and not feeling any better, yea, all of those little things that shouldn't bother me at all.

I've really been trying to practice patience and trying not to get angry over little things and trying not to cuss. I've been doing pretty good I think. My husband doesn't see that Im trying. He has mentioned that my cussing has improved. Thats one good thing.

The other day I was blinging a dress and pushed my beads out of the way, unfortunately I pushed the beads off of the table. So there was thousands of beads spread all over the floor. Big, medium, small, and very very tiny beads, all over, mixed together. I once had them all sorted by color, but they weren't in any order now. Me and hubby got a huge bowl and put them all into it. I just started crying because there was no way possible to sort them again. My husband told me "Your so moody lately. You get crabby when your in pain, you cry all the time over little things" Yea, I get crabby but when Im in serious pain like I am most of the time, I cry when my pain seems to be never ending, I get depressed when I have no hope.

This weekend my hubby seemed to be crabby at me. He was just picking at me for stupid little things. Maybe he was in a bad mood, or maybe he is going through male menopause, or maybe he wanted to start a fight. I have no clue. Ive been sensitive lately and depressed. So on Sunday morning he went to the store, no big deal. Thats when he started picking at me. He got angry because I drank all the coffee. I thought he was done drinking coffee. So I started to make him another pot but he told me not to cause he would just make a cup of tea. He still looked annoyed at me. Then he tells me that he stopped at another store. Ok. but why tell me? His crabbiness and his picking at me made me think that perhaps he wasn't at a second store, maybe he was at a girls house. Maybe he was picking on me in order to make his guilt feel better. Making himself feel like it was MY fault that he was seeing another woman. uuugggghhh. Im sure that he isn't and I'm sure that I'm just being sensitive. I still makes me sad. I don't know what to do to improve myself to make him Mr. Happy. I don't understand why he can't see that I am trying. He has NO idea that I have neck, shoulder and back pain all day, every day. He doesn't because I don't tell him.

Everything is my fault
WebMD Health Ambassador, BpCookie
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ddnos responded:
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Cookie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} It sounds like a very frustrating place for you to be right now, and I'm sorry for that.

You know, when you wrote your second to the last sentence, I was actually quite surprised - surprised that he doesn't know the extent of the pain you are in. How can he possibly even come close to understanding if he doesn't know what you're going through, you know? I don't mean to say that it's something you tell him all the time, but as your husband, I would think he should at least know. Maybe you should talk with him, huh? Maybe he would be at least a bit more understanding if he knew what you are going through. I know that doens't make it all go away, but I know speaking for myself, if I were married, I would want to share every part of my life with him and he with me. So maybe you all could start with a sit down, uninterrupted, heart to heart conversation.?? Maybe he can work on his part of the equation - he may not even see that the things he says to you are very guilt oriented, and that you can't help the amount of pain you have -that if you could, you would.

Again, I'm sorry that first, you are, have been, and continue to be in so much body pain, and secondly, that your husband is not being very sensitive to you right now. I wish you didn't have to spend so much money on medical costs - that totally sucks! I wish I knew of some resources that could help for that.

Have a heart to heart with your hubby, eh?

Hugs
Debbie
Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown
 
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bpcookie replied to ddnos's response:
Hey hun, I would love to talk to him but I will just start crying and that will bother him. If I start crying because of the pain or crying because I have no hope anymore, it bothers him. If he has had a good day at work and is in a happy mood, he hates it when Im crying. It just ruins his day. Its no fun for him to come home.

Ya know, all I want is some understanding, some hugs, to have him hold me when Im sad. Just for him to tell me its gonna be alright, even if its not. I don't want him telling me that I'm always crying and it makes it stressful on him.

Im just this miserable cow who is draining our bank account because of my medical problems. Im always in pain and I sure in the Hell am not a person that any man would want to come home to. I feel like I am my husbands anchor. Because of me, he is stuck at home. No more fun and no more vacations. Im just this heavy, unwanted anchor.

I will try to talk to him but I don't know if it will help or not.

Thanks for your reply sweetie. It means a lot to me. And thanks for all the hugs. At least I can count on you to give me a hug.
WebMD Health Ambassador, BpCookie
 
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ddnos replied to bpcookie's response:
Hey there Cookie - sure, you will probably cry but maybe if you let him know ahead of time (just before you talk with him) that what you want to share with him might make you cry, but that you'd still want to talk with him and you just want him to listen. Maybe once you get everything out - things you've not shared with him before, he'd be or start to be more understanding. I just don't believe that not communicating with each other is very healthy - especially not for married couples.

But the fact that you are in constant pain and require spending money because of it is NOT your fault! You didn't make yourself be in pain did you? Your pain is out of your control and so are the expenses that go along with it. It's not your fault! You are not responsible for whether or not your hubby is happy or not - that's his job, and visa versa. He chooses to be with you because he loves you - it's a choice! Sure, there's no doubt that it would be frustrating for him at times , it always is to be on the other side of the pain or depression or bipolar, you know? I think we sometimes forget that it really can be difficult for the other person too. It's just a different kind of difficult.

If I could, I'd smack him upside the head with a stinky fish and give him what for, but I can't. So I'm hoping that he will figure it out on his own either through talking with you or by some other means. I would just like for you to be happy. As hard as it is, sometimes the happiness comes through acceptance of what we've been given. I know for me, my stress and anxiety levels do way down when I accept. I've always felt that with acceptance comes peace, and I think it's true.

Hang in there!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Cookie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Debbie
Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown
 
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ibex7 replied to ddnos's response:
Add a little neck nuzzle from the Goat. (((((((((huggers))))))))
 
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slik_kitty responded:
if he doesn't know how you are feeling then he can't possibly understand. so i hope you do have a talk with him and explain to him that there are reasons behind your moods and that you would be alot happier if he would simply understand what you go through on a daily basis. that sometimes you just want held instead of criticized. hugs
 
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bpcookie replied to slik_kitty's response:
I know that it has to be hard on him. Men tend to want to fix things and if they can't fix it then they tend to get frustrated. When they get frustrated they don't pick their words as carefully as they would any other time and since I am already sensitive I tend to take everything negatively. So it is both of our faults. I see things more clearly today than I did a few days ago.

Thank you, Debbie, Goat and Slik.
WebMD Health Ambassador, BpCookie
 
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jd0026 responded:
Your husband knows your in pain. He is helping you do the things that you can't. Seems to me he stands by you. Now try to put yourself in his shoes. I bet you'd want him to stop it already. Excessive complaining will drive him away. Does he have any friends or family that he can turn to for his problems? If not that opens up any man to an affair. Their are too many women who would gladly listen to his problems and be there for attention and admiration. Do you thank him for all he does? Are you ever there for him? Sometimes we as women have to just stop complaining no matter what and just keep it to ourselves. He already knows you don't have to nag.
 
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tryforever replied to jd0026's response:
I dont think Cookie is nagging, she is down, in pain and reaching out to us for support.
You sounds like a very negative person. As Cookie has said, she keeps trying. Maybe your just a beaten down women who doesnt stick up for herself when she gets cheated on.

Maybe your just angry...and old school...

L
 
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melly2210 replied to jd0026's response:
Sometimes I think that while they can see and know you are in pain. it's just not understood. No one can experience the depth of the kind of pain you are in physically unless they've experienced it themselves. And even emotionally, there are those who can relate or empathize, but no one hears those voices that run through our heads spreading the guilt, shame, disappointment, anger, frustration. Those voices are hard to turn off because they are our own voice.

Cookie, keep hanging in there. I can understand where you are. In some ways, I have been there. All you can do is keep pushing forward and attempt to silence that voice inside. You are so worth everything to dh!!! And I really hope wih everything I have that you have at least one day of light very soon!

Love you!
Mel (((((hugs)))))

Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
 
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ibex7 replied to melly2210's response:
Melly, you have good insight and great warmth for our friend, Cookie. Just in case she missed the last one, sending another little neck nuzzle along with your best wishes. -goat
 
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monkeybee replied to ibex7's response:
Hugs from me too!


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