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Lost it at work [Trigger]
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sandtiger posted:
I lost it a bit at work this morning. Last night/this morning I woke up around one, and from one a.m. to four a.m. I had constant dreams about self-harming. I woke up shaky and jittery and got through the early morning all right, but when I got to work I started freaking out. I got so jumpy and jittery, like there was an electrical cord plugged into my spine and all of my nerves. I felt helpless and started crying and it stopped almost as suddenly as it started, a minute later.

I took my meds early and it calmed it a bit, but now I feel empty and bruised and am debating asking to go home early. I feel I need to, but then on the other hand I keep thinking 'it's okay - I'm okay - I'll be fine...'

Ugh.

~ San
:: Living is more than just being alive - Anberlin ::
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bpcookie responded:
Hi honey, aaawwwww poor sweet heart. Do you think that your meds need to be adjusted? Its so strange how you felt horrible for so long and then all of a sudden it stopped.

I don't know much about self harming and I don't know if thats one of the symptoms? I just wanted to say that I hope things straighten out soon. Take care honey. big hugs and lots of muahs
WebMD Health Ambassador, BpCookie
 
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sandtiger replied to bpcookie's response:
Honestly, I don't know ... I was on a bad mix of medications, a lot of bad mixes, for so long. Now I'm on a *better* mix, but every week it's something else. A sleep attack or a bout of depression or lingering and flaring effects of mania or hypomania, and anxiety attack (or multiple ones) ... it's just crazy. And I'm not just saying that. lol

I ended up going home yesterday and slept from around 10 to around 4. Had more crazy dreams, this time about a stone that turned anything it was tapped against into gold, so there was gold like *everywhere* to cash in. (Talk about wishful dreaming!!)

Dreaming a lot and in great detail is a symptom of mine, so maybe right now I'm just going through a 'flare-up' of the BP. But still, like I said, every week it's something different. -_-;;

~ San
:: Living is more than just being alive - Anberlin ::
 
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bpcookie replied to sandtiger's response:
(trigger, religious content) OMG!!! Wow, If something like that was going on every week in my life, I would totally flip out. I love your dream. How interesting. My dreams are usually horrifying. Especially if I sleep in the spare bedroom. For some reason that room scares me at night. When I sleep in that room, I bring my bible in there with me. LOL. No joke. I will hold the bible and I say out loud "God is on my side". LOL. I know, it sounds nuts but it really scares me in there.

I really hope that things smooth out soon for you. muahs
WebMD Health Ambassador, BpCookie
 
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sandtiger replied to bpcookie's response:
I'm like that when I sleep in my spare room, too. But if I sleep in my living room I'm fine, which is weird because with it being so close to the front door I should be way paranoid. I think it has something to do with the couch; my couch has been in my life since I was a kid, so there's a certain level of comfort going on with it, you know?

I go see my pdoc again next week; I'll have to make a list of things to talk to him about, since for some reason when I'm actually there for the appointment, I can never remember it all. =/

~ San
:: Living is more than just being alive - Anberlin ::
 
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monkeybee replied to sandtiger's response:
I always forget what I need to say at the doctor too, any doctor! I've started writing down questions as I come across them and not forgetting to bring them with me. It definetly helps!
 
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jselleck replied to monkeybee's response:
( trigger) Hi guys. Totally feel for ya san. I had three panic attacks Sunday and ended up hospitalized til earlier this morning. I haven't had a panic attack in seven years!!! It was really freaky. Third one was the worst, because it caused severe muscle spasms in my back. The poor nurse probably thought I was yelling at her for no reason, I hurt so much. )= Feel better now, and sooo glad to be home again. Joked with hubbie that I should go away more often because he got the house so clean, lol. What a wonderful Valentine's gift. Just really happy I get to spend part of the day with him. (His rotten boss is making him work because he had to call off Sunday because I was in the ER most of the day,before getting admitted to the mental ward.) Otherwise we'd be spending the whole day together.)= Glad you're feeling better San. .Totally agree with the note thing. Whenever I visit my pdoc I have my husband come with me. He knows me better than I know myself most of the time, and is more honest with the doctor. Sooo miss my mood kitty. Bubby knew my moods better than I ever did. Sigh, so miss him. It's been three years today that he disappeared. Whatever became of him, I just hope he didn't suffer. I loved that black and white monster. He was my baby. On that note, I'll say goodbye and Happy Valentine's Day.

HUGS!!!

J.
 
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bpcookie replied to jselleck's response:
Im so glad that your back home. It was so nice of you to ask Matt to call me. I was concerned about you but also I knew that you were in the best place that could help you. So sorry about your kitty. Those yearly anniversaries can really get to you. Its probably best to think that maybe someone saw the cat and took him home and took very good care of him. I had a cat that I HAD to keep in the house because if she got out she would disappear and when she came back, sometimes she would get lost and be at someone elses front door. One time she got out and months went by and she never showed up. Then about 6 months later I hear meowing at the front door. I pick her up to hug her and I could smell womens perfume. lol. So I know someone took her in their house and looked after her until she got a chance to run out the door. lol What a little stinker
WebMD Health Ambassador, BpCookie
 
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bpcookie replied to sandtiger's response:
Maybe I should try sleeping on the couch instead. thanks for the idea
WebMD Health Ambassador, BpCookie
 
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sandtiger replied to jselleck's response:
Monkey - my biggest problem is (surprise, surprise) forgetting to actually write it down! LOL

J - ouch, that sounds terribly rough. )= Hope things are better for you now...

Cooksie - honey-bunny, I've slept in just about every room in the house except the kitchen and the mudroom. If I had a choice, I'd probably shack my happy butt up in the dining room - I has THE BEST night of sleep when I was in there, despite the fact that I was only snuggled in a sleeping bag on the hard floor...

~ San
:: Living is more than just being alive - Anberlin ::


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