Hi, im a 24 yO female, I have alot to say right now. as compared to a few days ago, I doubt I could think up as much as I have. Ive put in some research today on symptoms of mania, I have been dealing with depression since I was a little girl, I used to get teased, bullied, and my mother was very emotionally abusive as well as somewhat physically abusive. Im not sure what age it started, maybe 3rd grade. I had a teacher who called me a tom-boy and thats when the bullying started. I dont remember the physical abuse myself, but my brother who is 6 years older told me it was frequent from my infancy to about 3 or 4 years old. Fast forward to 14 years old, I was so hyper I was like a pinball at school with my friends, and when I would come home I was shut in my room listening to music writing in my diary, not allowed to make phone calls or leave the house to even go outside. My mom and dad had been divorced since I was 2, cause my moms crazy. Dads was a railroader tho so I couldnt stay with him. He got me on the weekends and eventually I was able to make some life long material friends with my dads help, being supportive of my wants and needs, instead of overbearing controlling like mom. I started drinking tho cause the freedom dad gave me made mom jealous of me it seemed, and she was alot meaner to me the older I got. my therapist thinks so anyways. I now regret drinking at 14, I regret alot of things I did when I was younger, I did alot of really wreckless behavior, and just got lucky I never got arrested or something. I had a boyfriend for 5 years who asked me to marry him, I was monogamous with him the whole time, but he started doing drugs when we got older and hit me, so I broke it off with him, and dated thos other guy for about 3 years. During my previous relationship, I started smoking pot. This has continued up to today I smoke pot on a daily basis. I stayed with this other guy for 3 years even though he kept cheating on me. I dated this other guy for about 6 months, he came back and robbed my house 3 years later, but I broke up with him for cheating on me too, it only took once for him, I had had enough of cheating. When I caught him cheating, I was so mad, I must have thought I was gangster. I run into his aunts apartment unannounced, I knew he was there. He was standing in the kitchen and I just run up and starting punching him in the face. It was as if I had superhuman strength, I threw him on the coffee table, the table broke, and I took off out of the apartment like a bat outta hell. Then theres the drinking, lots of drinking everyweekend all night, bar crawling, porchin it.... whatever as long as I was drunk. I got in a really big bar brawl at a strip club once. It was all over my friends racist remark, I should have stayed out of it, but I felt invincible and knocked a dudes hat off, he punched me, an old man punched him, then everyone was throwing punches. I dont know how I got away with out being arrested. the cops even questioned me and I talked myself out of it. That was 2 or 3 years ago. Now I am angaged to a 34 yO man with 2 kids, I love him so much he is basically perfect, but Im having irrational fears of him cheating on me, and I dont feel very sad, but I am irritable, he annoys me, his kids annoy me, and I cant sleep at night, and when I do I wake up at 4 am. I work at the hospital, and I cant help but think most of my patients are stupid, dumb, etc.... this is a bad attitude, my boss doesnt like it, I dont get work done... Im running out of "characters" or I would go into better detail about my work problems. I am wondering if I am bipolar, and that my zoloft is making me feel wierd cause its not for bipolar?
Hi lisameanstrouble. If you didn't see my previous post, welcome to the board! The only way to know for sure if you are manic and if you have Bipolar disorder is to see a trained psychiatrist. He or she will discuss the symptoms you described and your history and will be able to diagnose you properly.
Thanks MonkeyBee! I did see your previous post I appreciate your input! I have seen a professional, and she doesnt think I have it, but I was just wondering if maybe she is not familiar with it, although she should be.... Or that maybe I did not tell her what she needed to know to accurately diagnose me.
Cause looking back now that Im with my fiance, and he is a good man who doesnt drink or smoke, and works hard, doesnt go to the bar, likes to fish and hunt, I dont drink anymore, even though I still smoke pot everyday. And my therapist told me that I should keep smoking it, if it helps me, which I think it probably does, and thats why when Im feeling manic maybe I dont have alot of energy, cause I smoke to mellow myself out?
I have really bad asthma, and recently quit smoking cigarettes, so it would be nice to be able to mellow out with out smoking an illegal substance, even though its legal in 3 states now. Pot is expensive, and you run the risk of going to jail for possessing it. I am not going to lie, I really enjoy the stuff, but now that Im older and more sensible I think I could live with out it for the greater good.
I just feel like something is very wrong and wonder if I am onto something if feeling manic is this way? One of my best friends is diagnosed bipolar and she doesnt take her meds cause she was pregnant and D/Ced them and never got back on, she was talking to me the other day, and I thought we were just having a really good time, cause we were both talking so much and were talking about the most random funny things, then she put her hand on my shoulder and said, " Poor thing Im going all manic on you, probably cant stand to listen, I need to get back on meds" and I thought we were just being normal.I was shocked, and she is the one who raised my curiosity about manic symptoms.
So thats why I ask, am I experincing a manic stage and just dont know it cause I think its normal? That is why I told a few of my crazy stories, cause looking back I think I could have been in a manic state, cause I can not imagine doing those things over again, and regret them very much, and feel very lucky I never went to jail. I had another x-boyfriend I didnt mention before I dated him for a year before I met my fiance but I was single for two years prior to meeting fiance. This guy was a good friend of mine before we got together, and he was quite the delinquent. He would always steal things and I would notice but I wouldnt blow the whistle, I didnt really care. Maybe Ive been robbed for bad karma. Hes also gotten me to do a few other drugs I hate admitting I have tried, like ecstasy,mushrooms and cocaine.... he became addicted to heroin and went to prison and I thought I was in love with him, this is when I decided to turn my life around, and just lately Ive realized what I bad person I have been, while I was single for 2 years I had never previously had a one night stand, but then I decided to have many. SO not like me! Ive also gotten very angry at ex-boyfriends and driven around town like a crazy little woman, lucky I never crashed or got some one killed. And again, never really thought it was uncalled for til now, so when my therapist asked me about mania, none of this behavior came to mind, but now I think it may be relevant- cause somethings up with me, I am having urges to do things I know are bad, that I used to do, that I know I shouldnt cause it would ruine my life, but Im still so tempted, its making me feel crazy.
Hi Lissmeanstrouble. Your story sounds so much like mine, only without the drugs and sex. I too was bullied all through elementary, middle, and high school. I even thought about committing suicide once. Things got better in college, mainly because I had a tight knit group of friends who really cared about me and we watched out for one another. After college I bounced from job to job, and had my first "manic" episode about three months before I was supposed to get married. Basically I got fed up with my fiance's lack of support in planning our wedding and my family's attacks against my fiance. My own mother even said that she wouldn't attend my wedding!!! Can you believe that??? Anyhow, I called off the wedding, bought a new car that I really couldn't afford, and decided to move in with my cousin and her new boyfriend. Within two months my cousin had moved out, and the boyfriend and I were dating. By september I was moving to Atlanta GA with him, and he was being both physically and mentally abusive on a daily basis. Fortunately after he tried to break my arm in a real dousey of a fight, I left the jerk and moved back to Indiana. Man, I was so messed up. It wasn't until 8 years ago when I moved to Texas to be with my husband that I was finally diagnosed with Bipolar and while I wouldn't say it hasn't been a struggle, with the support of my darling husband and my friends here on the board, I've managed to cope. I hope that you can find the help that you need and get your life back on track. Best wishes,
Hi liss! Sorry I messed up your name! That is frustrating to have seen a professional and still not feel like it's resolved. It might ease your mind to get a second opinion. Write down as many questions and examples as you can to give to your pdoc and that may help you get better explanations and know if you do need different meds and a different diagnosis.
Lots in drama in you growing. Mania is basically an elevated state. When manic-depression is stated it just states that the state of depression is extreme. You remember in the old movies seeing a telephone switchboard operator with all of these lights lit on the switch board and wires with phone jacks all twisted and knotted and plugged into the wrong lights on the switchboard? Hearing your story reminds me of this. If all of those phone jacks in your life are removed from the wrong lights and the wires place rightly, all becomes clear. Easier said than done? Perhaps. In truth, you sound pretty straight forward to me. If that sounds odd, suffice to say I have seen many bad seeds in this world and you ain't one of them. Manic? Probably not. It is just your response to what has been flung at you all your life. If you honestly believe you have Bipolar, then you can get a simple blood test that will give you that answer. There is a touch of PTSD in your profile too. It is all a matter of preception.
Take from each day, all that it gives to you, return only to it, nothing less than the very best that you have to offer.
anneinside, Im not sure if you meant to sound condescending, but I just wanted to say that you do, and in return Id like to point out to you that I did search the symptoms of mania, and I thought I did match some of the symptoms, such as irritability, insomnia, and doing things out of character, getting really angry and shouting at people, etc. Jselleck- thanks so much for the story, its funny how similiar we do sound! Monkeybee thanks again for responding, a second opinion may do me good. Dibbits, your comment that I am not a bad seed makes me feel better, as well as the comment about behaving manic, in response to what has been flung at me, love your wording ha ha. Thanks for all of your comments, this has given me lots to think about, but fortunately I do not feel NEAR as talkative as I was last week. Good bye now!
Hello Liss, I hope your still around and you havent left the board for good. First I think you should see a pdoc and get his/her opinion. Because we can only tell you what we THINK and we could be completely wrong because we are not Dr.s Second, I think Dibbits was right on when he said that you may have PTSD. I had a bad childhood which continued into my early 30's and I have PTSD. But again, only a Dr. can tell you that for sure. Being on the right meds can help tremendously. Seeing a therapist will help you deal with your anger issues and teach you some coping techniques. And thirdly, smoking pot can cause you to be more depressed. Im guessing that your smoking pot because you want to forget the passed, but that won't help you. Its called self medicating. If you could stop the pot smoking, I think it would help you a lot.
Look at your life? Even though you do not remember your mother's abuse, it is there somewhere. Esp. a time you could not defend yourself. I see more anger issues more than anything. It is bottled up and can not release for some reason. Your always feeling it and throwing it out. You have had much trauma of course there is unresovled issues. Somehow you must take that step to say, "this is the day, a new day, new birth" and see the world different. See what you want to be and will be and work on it. Plus to help with the anger, you might have to see a few people before you find the professional that is right for you. Not all doctors are good with these sort of cases. When you find the right one you will know. Stop medicating yourself, it will put you backwards instead of forward. I am sure it will not be easy because may have became an addiction. But bit by bit slowly keep focus on what you want to be like.
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