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Paranoia and relationships
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An_250647 posted:
I have dated someone for over 4 years. The beginning was very confusing, such as things going great then bam he would destroy it. The reasons were never clear or sort of silly, but the drama and shuts downs are painful. Many times I would get the projecting, how do you defend that you can not. Manipulation in trying to work something out was common. This time a few months ago was the worst, telling me I am cheating, putting a cheaters app on my phone when my phone is not even capable. Gave him and laid out complete truth to him and could easily found out the facts and truth but for some reason it was like talking to a brick wall, how stressful. Not counting the anger and names of someone i would never be and he knows that. I finally drew the line in the sand and there has been not communication so far, first time i have done that and i am sure now he sees it as a rejection. I know he has had trauma in his life BAD, his mother was schizophrenia. Not sure if all from the trauma. I guess I am on the fence with all this, he is a wonderful otherwise. Do they know they are doing this? I mean more after the mania is done do they ever see the light and remember what they said or done? Or is that all lost and they feel they did nothing? not sure on the out come of this. He is pretty bullheaded and would never think (or fears there is something wrong with him)
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ddnos responded:
Hi there,

So I'm curious - does your boyfriend have bipolar? If so, is he on medication and therapy? Someone with bipolar MUST be on medication(S) in order to get it under control....well, at least the start of getting it under control. Therapy is also needed for a period of time so that one can work on the behaviors that medication can't do.

So it's hard to know what to say in re to your post w/o knowing the above things.

Debbie
Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown
 
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onthefence replied to ddnos's response:
To be honest I have never known about any of this stuff even though I have many open friends. I think that is why i have been so confused at the beginning, otherwise anyone else would have walked long ago. I am good nature and huge on empathy so I was a target. Back tracking, putting pieces, i am seeing or lived what they say in paranoia, anger issues and possible bipolar. it is like something triggers it. I know when he isolates I FEEL he goes through confusion, and depression within himself. Pulls out of it, then we sort of floated bad to the way it was. But to me nothing got resolved. I had a dad who had anger at times so learned once things are better just leave it alone, but finding out that is when you should talk about it. That is hard for me to do in my conditioning as young. This last time was serious symptoms like paranoia, even saying he saw things with his own eyes, that i know was impossible. Just do not know how to handle this or if i even should. He will NOT see anyone, for him i can tell for him it means weakness and i know kids of mental ill parents run such a fear of having an mental illness they do not want to seek help, or admit. Sort of like someone so scared of cancer they just rather not find out or hear the word.
 
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ddnos replied to onthefence's response:
Well, it certainly sounds like he needs to see a psychiatrist to be evaluated, but if he's not willing to do it, there's nothing you can do. You then have to decide if you want to live with those kinds of behaviors or not - and it won't get better, only worse, if he has a mental illness. But even if he has a mental illness, that does not excuse his behavior..I've seen and heard of too many woman just putting up with really mean, disresepctful, and abusive behavior from their bf or husband and excuse it because "awww, he can't help it because he's bipolar" or whatever. Well, unmedicated, that's mostly true, which is why even though I don't know you or your bf, you won't have a good relationship with him until he gets help, and you will be unhappy in the long run. Loving him doesn't mean that you'll stay and enable him, i..e just put up with his behavior no matter how rude it is...loving him in this case means saying to him that unless you get some help, I'm out the door - as hard and harsh as that may sound. If he were willing to get some help, that would be a different story, but you said he's not. So unless he changes his mind, there's nothing you can do. I'm sorry.

Debbie
Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown
 
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onthefence replied to ddnos's response:
to be honest that is the point i am at.. sort of felt need to put the line in the sand for the first time..thank you
 
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ddnos replied to onthefence's response:
I'm sorry. Even when we do the right thing, it can still be hard and painful, especially when another person is involved. So don't forget to take care of yourself ok?

Debbie
Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown


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