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    Crazy Rides Again
    melly2210 posted:
    The official dx is Conversion Disorder. Form of dissociation but manifests in physical aspects versus the mental vacation. Oh YAY! Not. They have no idea how long it will take my vision to return to normal. Days. Weeks. Months. No telling. Eliminate all stress in my life. Sure. Absolutely. I'm on that. CHA.... Just looks like the smart but crazy lady gets crazier everyday. I don't know what to do now. I'm exhausted all the time, which apparently, is normal now. Whatever normal means right now. And that too will pass "with time." It just keeps coming and coming with no light at the end of the tunnel in sight.

    Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
    ddnos responded:
    Hi Melly,

    I obviously missed something because I'm assuming that you wrote about why you are having problems with your vision and why you are so this med related? So, instead of writing it all over again, maybe you could refer me back to the post where you originally wrote about it, huh? I'm sorry. I just haven't been able to read all posts for a while.

    I'm sorry that you are going through so much right now and hope that soon things will get better for you.

    Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown
    melly2210 replied to ddnos's response:
    Fri I was taking dh to work because I needed the car for my pdoc appt, tax appt and ortho appt to take my stitches out from my wrist surgery. The med change from the pdoc is working and I was in the stable zone. All ok. Even the crap with the ex has settled down. No worries. Not overstressed. Slightly sweating the stitch removal and the possibility of OT after. It's 5:00 am and we're on our way to pic up dh's coworker and I was going to drop them off at work and head off to my pdoc appt.

    Anyways, driving along and my vision goes nuts - like my eyes were crossed and I couldn't uncross them. I get pulled over and dh had to almost carry me around the car. Go to the ER and they had to roll out a chair because I was disoriented and equilibrium was so off. Rushed through triage to a room where dozens of people decended on me for the works on tests since all the symptoms pointed to stroke.

    Long story short, ER docs said possible undetectable TIA, a severe seizure or Conversion Disorder. All tests were negative so they ruled out stroke. Seizures ruled out which leaves Conversion Disorder. I was discharged after being admitted but the vision in my right eye hasn't changed. Apparently the CD is a form of dissociation. Instead of the mental or emotional vacation with dissociation, CD presents with all different kinds of symptoms like my vision issues that could last anywhere from a few minutes to sometimes permanently. No one knows for sure. That's the short story. No idea when I will physically loose the symptoms

    Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
    jselleck replied to melly2210's response:

    I know I've said this before, but I'm soooo sorry this is happening to you. You've been through so much already, I don't know how you've managed. Or me in that case. Tell ya later. Long story. Short story, all hades has broken out AGAIN. But we're both strong ladies, and we'll both get through this. Having had "vision" problems before myself due to med issues, I know what you're going through. And it's the scariest thing in the world when something like that happens. Especially if you're driving when it happens. Got my fingers crossed that things get better for both of us. (((((((Hugs big time!!!))))))

    bpcookie responded:
    Melly hun, What a horrible and scarey experience for you. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Im at the other end with a flash light. love ya hun. hugs
    WebMD Health Ambassador, BpCookie
    melly2210 responded:
    I just wish all of you were closer. No one other than my kids and dh. Not a single person has called, stopped by or anything. It's so hurtful. But dh says I don't need anyone else. His mom the day after I went through all that, looked at me, asked what happened, we explained. Three seconds later she announced she needed to go to the store. His sister got a text while all heck was breaking loose. He texted her when I was discharged. We live 1/4 mile from her. No calls, no visits. You'd think that since she cooks and hauls dinners to church members when they're ill she'd have at the very least offered something like that for us, expecially since we are family and dh has been juggling work, taking care of me, and cooking, cleaning and cooking since my surgery. But nope. My mom showed up to to take me to the dr yesterday, took a look at the apt we've lived in 3 months and she'd never seen. Total of 10 min and she left. My brother hasn't called. One of my best friends who lives an hour and 10 min away "likes" my depressive statuses on FB but hasn't called either. She hasn't bothered to come and visit either. And if this had happened to her, I'd have hauled ass to her and probably would have stayed a couple of days. I just feel so alone, which isn't helping the depression I'm sinking into at all. And dh hasn't got a clue why.

    Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
    melly2210 replied to melly2210's response:
    I am just tired of being strong. I love dh and my kids, but a lot of times, dh just doesn't get it and I can't dump this on the boys. The oldest I think has more of an understanding than he lets on, but I don't ask. It's better that way.

    I just want someone HERE to freakin care.

    Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
    skypper replied to melly2210's response:
    I thought I replied to this thread yesterday but don't see myself anywhere so now I'm confused. No idea what I said either...Melly that's all I want too, someone who really gets it and really cares near/here WITH me...
    I'm thinking of sneaking home a new kitten or something that I can talk to...I know it's not the same as a person, but I've been trying to find someone, ANYONE near me to spend time with and I came up with nobody, I mean you saw I even broadcasted on facebook about going out for a morning or afternoon and got nothing from anyone near enough to actually join me in person... *shrugs*
    When nothing's going right, go left!
    jselleck replied to skypper's response:
    I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I know it's not the same as a face to face, but either one of you can call me. Anytime. I know what you're going through. Our truck broke down tuesday stranding us at my new counselor's and I tried everyone I "knew" in Texas who might be able to rescue us. Grand total of five people, three who said no out right, one who "claims" she got called into work, and one who actually tried, but had a business dinner til 8 but at least he called after his dinner to see if we still needed help. And here I thought I knew some people in Texas. Heck, I know more people on the board who care more about me than I do in the town I live in. At least us "Beepers" stick together.

    Sky, a kitten or cat is a good idea, just make sure he or she is a good fit not only for you but the rest of your family. A "lover boy" is the perfect prescription for a rotten day. Both my Ralpie and Bubby knew just when I needed cheering up, and how to do it. I miss them both. Ralphie, well he never forgave me for leaving to attend college, and Bubby, well he got out and disappeared. But then he had been sick and we were planning to take him to the vet. Might I also suggest adopting a shelter animal. I can proudly say that with 5 exceptions, every animal I've owned or has been a part of my life in one way or another was either a shelter pet or dumped near my parents' or another family member's home. Shelter animals are the best in my humble opinion. Good luck.

    melly2210 replied to skypper's response:
    Yeah, I posted something like that too. Kind of a hint for everyone I've trucked all over town for years, that I've gone out of my way for to help or listen or put a bottle of wine out. And I got pretty much the same response. Everyone who lives far away would love to, but not a single person here. As for talking to animals, yeah, I would love a kitten who ran around and wanted to play - just because I love to watch that. It fills my heart with joy. But Gigi, ds1, is his lifeline - an alpha female teacup yorkie who can even bully a 80 lb pit is a one pet home. And we bring her down on the weekends and she loves on everyone. Think she would be good for me if she was here all the time, but that isn't happening until summer. I just really need a "goto" person that can get to me, or get me out of my own head for a little while. Cards, games, a glass of wine and a good chic flick. a night out to dance and escape (when at least my arm is not so sore). I just wish...and I know you know. I'm clawing at the walls too. Thinking I am going to get the paint to do my mural and the refinish on furniture and start working again if I can. Apparently it is my right brain function that's been impacted with the CD. So we'll see.

    Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
    melly2210 replied to jselleck's response:
    I hear you Jess...tons...and I appreciate it so much. I am hoping to be able to do just that soon - call you guys. It's just I am sitting on that edge. And I don't know if I can hold it together for a phone call without it sounding something like "I d-d-d-don't <insert hysterical tears> b-bu-but <sniff> <uncomprehensible ramble>" and so on. I can sort of type, but I'm typing through tears, with one hand and one blurry eye from the tears. I told dh last night how hurt I felt. And how I was so physically and emotionally exhausted. I got up this morning, took my meds and went back to bed. I'd accidentally left my cell in the living room so I didn't hear the texts or calls. Needless to say, he called one of his "boys" from where his mom lives and had him banging on the window dragging me out of bed. Dh was at a job about 30 miles away, and if the pounding on the door and windows hadn't woken and scared the crap out of me, he'd have gotten in a car leaving 3 of his coworkers he'd taken with him stranded to come here. I'm pretty sure I am scaring the mess out of him between the arm not healing as fast as we were told to the incident on Fri. Not sure when he'll reach his breaking point, so I've been holding back from telling him it all.

    I just want to feel....better. Physically. I'm tired of being injured. And I want to see again. Be able to use my right hand again. I want to feel "light" again, like I used to in what seems like forever.

    Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
    melly2210 replied to bpcookie's response:
    Thank you so very much cookie! You're all flashlights to me. It's why I keep coming back. I haven't been here in a long while, but I have barely been able to type. Not that it's any better now, but still. I just hope you all feel the same way.

    Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson

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