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Dreams and Interests
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ddnos posted:
If I had a dream, I'd be interested in fulfilling it; but I don't and never have. I have never had anything that I really wanted to do in my life either personally or professionally; I just do whatever I think is set before me at the time.
I have watched countless TV shows or listened to people's stories over the years, and the prevailing message is always to encourage those listening to follow their dreams and/or to find their purpose in life and fulfill it. I hear their messages as I'm sitting in front of my TV doing nothing but listening to them, and I think to myself, "If only I had a dream or a desire or an interest in something, anything, I would do my best to live in that direction!" But there's nothing. Even the results of the World of Work Inventory that I took at DVR showed that I had no interest in any of the stated job fields. Either I absolutely don't want to do it or I could take it or leave it, and that's pretty much the story of my life.

I always dread the predictable questions of, "What have you been up to lately?" or "What's been going on in your life?" or "What are your interests?" or "What do you do for fun?" or any other similar question because I don't know how to answer them without sounding totally pathetic.

I remember one of Marti's comments to me like it was yesterday, but it was more like about 16 years ago. In her unorthodox way of trying to push me into being a better human being, she told me that I was a boring person and that I needed to find some interests and that I should also do a lot of reading so that I would have something interesting to talk about. I believed her, and because I believed her, my belief that something was indeed wrong with me was compounded, and my already fragile self-esteem was shattered.

I have no doubt that I am a boring person in the eyes of most people because what I like to do the most with people is talk. I'm not interested in going out dancing on Friday night, I don't have any hobbies to share with someone, I don't have anything to hold anyone's interest in me for very long, and so they get bored with me. I don't blame them.

Marti said, "I need to find some interests." So how do I do that when I'm not interested? It's not even a matter of that I would like to do such and such but I'm too scared to do it; but it's simply that I don't care enough to even bother. I have no doubt that there are things in this world that were I to be a part of somehow, I'd enjoy and maybe even pursue it further; but nothing has sparked my interest thus far. This is not something new; I have been like this from childhood up until now.

Debbie
Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown
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slik_kitty responded:
then you just pick something. you'll never know if it's something you will like until you try it. you don't have to be interested in something to try it. you might even make new friends. i know it isn't easy for you to get up the gumption to do anything, but sometimes we just have to force ourselves. think of something to do, and get out the door before something else distracts you.

or you could be just like me and perfectly content to sit at home all day and pxxx on the puter. uh oh, i wonder if it will let me use the p word. lol. of course, after too much sitting on my butt at the puter, i do need to get out of the house. one xmas vacation i was going stir crazy, so my son and i went shopping in a snow storm cuz i just had to get out of the house. lol

we don't have to have lots of friends to be happy. we don't have to have outside interests to be happy. our lives may seem boring to others, but it isn't boring to us. hugs

nope, didn't let me use the p word. what is wrong with that word? can anyone tell me?
 
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ddnos replied to slik_kitty's response:
thank you kitty for the reminder...im still depressed though, so you need to go one step further and ship me some ice cream, Ok? Thanks!
Debbie
Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown
 
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skypper responded:
Maybe your purpose is to help fellow travelers along the road, to engage them in conversation and let them know that their stories are important, interesting, that somebody cares. So maybe your purpose is to help others find their purpose and value and that's a pretty great thing. You're always there, always listen, and not like some but you REALLY listen and give your opinion, often long, but always well worded and well meaning.


Debbie, much of what you've written could describe me as well, I feel so boring, I have no life other than driving kids all over and constantly being in between all their bickering and chores and who's interested in that? same ole stuff, day after day...like an old re-run. No job, no hobbies, just me & my computer.
~Sky~
When nothing's going right, go left!
 
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melly2210 responded:
Debbie....

I agree with both kitty and sky. There's purposes in life we fulfill without even realizing it. I know you've been depressed for a while now, but sometimes we have to fight it. As in big time, and just get out. The getting out could be just leaving the house to do something and experiment - like your gardening. Spring is just around the corner to get back into that. Plan a garden. And if it's too much for you to consume, donate the extra food to a food bank.

The other thing is to let those feelings out. Maybe pick up some finger paint and butcher paper and just play. Let the inner child back out. Sometimes that helps us refind that joy in the innocence of our inner child.

Just know that you've helped me sometimes a lot. Inspired me to pick myself up and pull it together. So like sky said, maybe your purpose is to just help others know they are not alone or to inspire or guide them.

In any case, hang in there!!! ((((hugs)))) if you want them.

Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
 
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bpcookie responded:
Debbie Doodles Dahling, I think your an interesting person just the way you are. Don't try to be something that you are not. muahs
WebMD Health Ambassador, BpCookie
 
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skypper responded:
Here's something I shared last night on fb...sort of reminded me of the now and those of use who are going through our downs...

~Sky~
When nothing's going right, go left!
 
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ibex7 replied to bpcookie's response:
You're pretty together most of the time, Debbie. Have you considered matrimony lately?
 
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ddnos replied to skypper's response:
THanksk Michelle...there is one thing that if found the right place of emplyment to do so, is i would love to be able to help people who need help with social security disabilty and other benefits when they run into problems or before, and help with other resources...that's part of what i did at my last place of employment and i loved it. i don't want to work at a beurocratic place of that nature, though because of so many limitations and not really very people oriented....that and helping folks to see and believe in hope....that's sort of on the line what you said.

Re what you s aid about you reminds me of something said when i was chatting with my aussiemate about this the other day. I think that anyone who has a child or children, THAT is thier calling and purpose in life - that's a huge thing to raise children to be healthy, respectful, productive, contributing adults - one that I hae the utmost respect for those who do it and take it seriously.

anywa, thanks again for your input.

Debbie
Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown
 
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ddnos replied to melly2210's response:
Melly, I know you don't know this about me, so no hard feelings, but believe me, I DO get out no matter how depressed I am. Sure, there are days when I don't, but for the most pa rt, I do get out because I know that if I don't, I will only become more depressed. So for me, that's not a major issue.

The problem (in this context) lies for me in when you (or anyone) makes suggestions of things I could try to see if I like - I don't know why, but I have never been able to do anything like "suggestions" - anything I do has to be something that comes from inside me, you know? I'm sure that sounds like i'm being stubborn, but I don't think that I am - I think maybe I've just gotten used to doing things that way. Also, there is a part of social phobia that is mixed into it all to wehre I would REALLY have to want to do something for me to actually do it. Otherwise, I have no interest. I realize that part of that "no interest" is the social phobia....but even still, to this day, I can think of nothing that I've wanted to do or learn but social phobia has got in the way -it's just not there. I really do dread ANYONE asking me things like what do i like to do for fun or what do i do period - because I feel so abnormal were I to annswer, you know? BUT, I'm typically not bored with myself; I'm just self conscious about what other people think because it's not the "norm" I don't want people to think that I'm borning and have nothing to offer, but that's what it sounds like were I to answer their questions. Sigh

Debbie
Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown
 
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ddnos replied to bpcookie's response:
Thank you Cookie!

Hugs
Debbe
Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown
 
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ddnos replied to skypper's response:
I've always loved that quote! Thank you, Michelle!
Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown
 
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ddnos replied to ibex7's response:
Goat - "most of the time?" Sheeeeeeeeeesh! I thought it was more like all of the time! lol

Sorry, still not considering matrimony, but I suppose that would add some life to my life, eh? LOL NOT!

Debbie
Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown
 
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ibex7 replied to ddnos's response:
Dear Debbie,

Sorry my last reply was so gruff. My brother Bill E. taught me never to try flattery with a young lady. So many of them like to play "hard to get" and Bill says those are the absolute best kind of girls to get to know. (Unpredictable and wily, you know).

So you stay a little cheeky and I'll keep a special eye on you. Always your friend. - goat

ps Should you change your mind, call me. Hee hee.
 
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ddnos replied to ibex7's response:
roflol goat! I'll keep you in mind....or not! lol
Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown


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