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    I watched "Silver Linings Playbook"
    Iwannabehappy posted:
    I am new here. Hi.
    I have been dx Bipolar 8 years ago when I was 33. I had been dx ADD depressive a few years before at the university I graduated from because I was having dutifulness testing.

    However, I've dealt with depression since I came US when I was 19 ad began to work. That's when everything started. It got better when I had my children, 16 and 14 now but I was always depressed until I had a manic episode.

    I found the right PCH. and medications so I kinda started to get better 3 years ago when I got remarried.

    My daughter got depression and emo so I began to fall back into depression. She has been in an adolescence residential center for 5 weeks now. She doesn't call me and resents me. She called yesterday right before the movie with Bradly Cooper about a bipolar guy with OCD father.

    I cried sooo much feeling it's my fault my daughter is going through this and I am doing badly. Fear my husband might fall out of love.....

    Now to make it worst I want to stop seroquel, which I've tried once, and I couldn't sleep with all the meds to calm me down and sleeping medication so the dr lowered the dose 300 to 50 mg a night and it worked better. I stopped taking Lamictal this morning and asked dr if she can lower seroquel. she said no. I will take the lamictal later tonight with the night dosage. I just want energy. too much up and mostly down. I am taking energy B12 shots and still nothing. Dr. said that diazepam affects my memory to not take it every night, supposedly for neck pain but helps in general. I cannot pay attention or learn anything......began thinking it's the ADHD and think I don't have BP disorder.

    after this movie I want to become manic because I don't have energy to live. I lost interest in everything. I do "real estate" so I thought. I am not doing anything but wasting time and life passing through. I began to "help" a friend who began treatment, just dx., thinking I am so much better. That helped me more to realize I am not as well as I thought.
    sometimes I often think of possibilities that I could be unconscious and renewed like a coma from anything followed by amnesia or cancer so I can die fast..., crazy stuff

    I don't want to be dysfunctional. Everyone thinks I am eccentric/ egocentric or wired. It was better when I didn't realize nor care what others thought of my behavior.

    Today I don't feel like dying I just want to be up. energy 2 shots
    mid day and nothing. I don't want to do the expesso because gastritis and gives me a lot of anxiety.

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    bpcookie responded:
    Hello Iwannabehappy, Nice to meet you and welcome to the board. I will try to address all your issues but first I want to warn you that I am terrible at writing.

    Your daughter may be upset with you now but later on in life things will be fine and you will have your daughter back and your daughters love. About 8 yrs ago my Pdoc took me off of a med. cold turkey, it caused me all kinds of mental problems. I acted like a totally different person, I would get very angry and take it out on my daughter, then I would get depressed and apologize. One month of me acting like a crazy person was enough for my daughter to move out and move in to her fathers house. It was absolutely horrible. I felt so guilty for so long. My daughter is now 22 yrs old and we are best friends. It will be like that for you and your daughter.

    I understand how you fear your husband will leave you, I have the same fear. My mood is pretty stable but I have so many health issues and it cost so much money Im afraid that my hubby will find someone else. My husband always assures me that he will never leave me and he loves me so much. Your husband loves you. When you get married its for better or worse.

    As for your medication, I think you may need another mix or have the Dr. tweak them a little. Don't go off of meds unless your Dr. tells you to and don't go off of them cold turkey, you need to ween yourself off of them. With the right medication you can be stable.

    Diazepam is a bit like Lorazepam which is what I take. I don't want to take it every day because its addictive but I have to take it to counter act what my pain meds do to me. My pain meds. cause me to be hyper and also causes me breathing problems, Lorazepam helps with it. Mixing the pain meds. and Lorazepam together can really mess up my concentration. My memory is awful too. So I know what you are going through.

    As for not caring about what others think of you, I think you should go back to when you felt like this. Sometimes I don't give a crap what ppl think of me either. Sometimes I don't care if they don't like what I'm wearing, how Im acting or what I'm saying. Sometimes I even act weird on purpose when Im in a store with my hubby just to get a reaction from the *normal* ppl. lol. So try to have some fun. If your eccentric or egocentric or weird, who cares. Just be yourself.

    Once last thing. When your feeling down, open up all your window shade to let the sun in. Turn on the radio or put in your favorite c.d., music can lift your spirit, sing along too. If you can, go outside and take a walk. Those small things can change how you feel.

    Well, if you read this far then your one amazing person. LOL. I like to blab a lot if you haven't noticed. I hope this helped you and I also hope you continue posting on this board. Have a good day.
    WebMD Health Ambassador, BpCookie
    Iwannabehappy replied to bpcookie's response:
    Thank you so much. It's amazing what you share so similar. it is encouraging it's not blab at all lol.

    Today I am better. took my meds and the movie effect is wearing off. I see I can be a little obsesive sometimes but that's good news for me because I thought I didn't care about anything anymore so I am trying to get obsessed with work and see if I make any money lol

    I hope you have a great one!

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