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    Advice please *Possible Trigger*
    monkeybee posted:

    In April, it will be a year ago that I lost touch with reality and became very delusional. I have great fears associated with the anniversary of this. It is also Spring, which tends to effect my mood, and I am pregnant so my hormones are out of wack. Will I become this manic again? My pdoc says no. He says now I am back on meds, now I have a pdoc and tdoc looking out for me and supports also watching for warning signs; that is reassuring to me but I still am worried. Anyway, I've only been back on meds since Oct and I haven't been stable much at all in the last year, even since being on meds. Here is my issue: apparently, you cannot breastfeed on Lamictal. That might not sound like a big deal, but to me, it is. I breastfed both of my babies for their first year. It is best for them and I know how tight things will be if we have to buy (very expensive) formula. So, I am considdering coming off of this med, or maybe all of my meds, under the supervision of my pdoc. He is willing to consider it, although he strongly advises otherwise. My mom also says she would much rather me stable and formula feeding than depressed or hospitalized and breast feeding. My husband says he will support me either way. Here is what I am thinking, I went through the worst episode of my life with no meds, and while I did wreak a ton of havok, my family was blindsided, now they are not. They will recognize if I am in need of serious help. Also, if I'm not stable now, what difference will it make? I am very torn by this, but I am leaning towards not taking them for the next year and a half. What is your advice/opinion on the matter? Thanks for your support,
    bpcookie responded:
    Hey Honey Bunny, Being worried is ok, as long as it doesn't consume you. Being worried helps us to be aware. If you have ppl looking out for you, then I don't think you will be THAT manic again.

    I think its vital that you stay on your med.s Lamictal. I know that you want to breastfeed your baby BUT you won't be stable with out it. Then you won't be able to take care of your baby, yet alone yourself. Just try to remember back when you were manic. How terrible it was, how out of control you felt. Try to remember why you went on meds in the first place. The decision is yours. I am only giving you my opinion and you know what they say about opinions? "Opinions are like ***** ****, everyone has one".

    If you are having trouble paying for formula, get a hold of WIC. They can help you out with formula and other things. You will get these things once a month. My baby was on it and I didn't have to pay for formula and when she got a bit older, they paid for milk, cereal, cheese and some other things. Here is their web site.

    Check it out honey. hugs and muahs
    We will be friends until we are old and senile,.........then we will be new friends!!
    melly2210 responded:
    Hey sweetie...

    I understand the whole *fear* thing, especially about some of the triggers that sent me there and the time of the year. Spring and fall are my rough seasons. Spring because too many significant deaths occurred and fall because that's when I fell completely apart. It's been (knock on wood) almost 4 yrs of being medicated with only one major hospitalization which I self-committed, more out of fear than anything else.

    As for the breastfeeding vs formula. Well, my oldest was a pig. Literally. I couldn't keep up. His fontenel was sinking and dehydration was starting to set in at about 3 weeks of me sitting and feeding and crying over and over because I desperately wanted to do it. When we switched to formula, I was devastated but it became clear that he was too hungry. Was up to 60 oz of formula. He's 16 now, 6'2" tall and while he inherited my genetic bipolar, he was healthy as an ox.

    My youngest was strictly breastfed. Until at 9 mo he refused because he wanted table food. He skipped jarred completely. But he is my unhealthy kid. The one with hundreds of ear infections, asthma, every little cold, vomitting out of the blue.

    So to me, it doesn't make a difference healthwise. As for you, it would make a massive difference. Like cookie says, it's about you remaining healthy enough to be able to take care of you and the baby. Even if there is a spell of delusional manic behavior, think about what would happen if your team missed it. For me, that fear would outweigh any of the benefits that MIGHT be obtained by breastfeeding or financial loss. Call me a control freak (cause I am) but I'd rather see me healthy than unable to take care of my kids ever again. But again, that's my opinion. Stay on your meds please.

    Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
    monkeybee replied to melly2210's response:
    Thank you both so much. I'm really glad I posted this here; you gals gave me much better perspective than I had from my own head and my husband who has been passive on the subject. I really don't want to become delusional again; it is by far my biggest fear! I go back to my pdoc on Thurs and I'm going to discuss this more with him then. I will keep you posted. Thanks also for your support and encouragement.

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