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    depressed in northwest
    ddnos posted:
    yesterday good, productive
    today, sleep a lot, depressed, feel like explode, want to see my tdoc but cant afford it. maybe nex month, but try not to so can save for following month. want to see regular doc cus her is nice and compassionate and she said last time i see her that she want to see me in 6 weeks just to see hw im doing. not for any phycsal reason, but just see how im doing. so made apt for 6 weeks, wen got home, changd it for 4 weeks, talked to nurse this afternoon and was cryen and cryen and wanted talk with my doc but her seeing patients, but then we changed appt again so i see her in less then 2 weeks, i think 1.5 weeks. s o thats better, but still want now. but can't.

    i think maybe hormones is maken things worse emotionally late cus heading toward menopause. so my doc used to work only with womens problems so she know what doing in that area, so prolly she will take tests.

    i think maybe i splode.
    Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown
    slik_kitty responded:
    please don't splode. hugs
    ddnos replied to slik_kitty's response:
    thank you kitty, i try not, but sometimes feel like insies just gonna spode - seems everything happen at once and on top of that, im posed to be looken for a job???? wth? i meet with case works next wed so we can do more brainstorm about where would be good palce for me to volunteer 2-3 weeks for assessment purposes, and thot of that send me spinning in my head and wanting for to amke permanant way out...i not gonna do that, so no have to wrry, i just say that to mean it as like temperature guage of how bad it feels. but i hav NO intention of going there. but them fears an stuff is too badl. right now, im going through sort of an irritation with my tdoc beacuse of how she's been reaction/rtesponding to things i been trying to talk about . seems shes way off base and it making me want to storm out of her office and friggen walk home. only prollem with that is i don't think i could remeber how to get to bus from her house cus it abou 13 min drive. wen we drive, i dont pay much attention. she wouldnt let me walk anyway, but still, sometime she been getting on my last nerve that i feel like get up, tell her a thing or two, and leaeve. i never ahv done that before, even tho a few times hav wanted to. i would not like if i did. but the point is, she seems not the same altely. maybe cus of stuff she going through or maybe cus getting clsoe to retirement. i don't know, but i resent paying her anything for that, which is why im putting off going long a s possible. i will go next month if feel like really hav ot but waiting this month out.
    i am basket case lately. funny thin is some days im nt. some days, like day before yestera, i was great, best day in long time. then yesterday, down on my face again. so far ths morning been productive, but a little doscciated now i think cus of topic. but been up early took shower like good girl and hav things gonna do . today is saturday yes? i thot yesterday was, so not sure if today is sat fri or sun. ok sorry i rambling, but thanks fo rlistning. you woman of few words most times, but i always know yu woman of big heart, and that what matter.
    Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown
    29tlc replied to ddnos's response:
    I dont have any advice but I want to say even though what are going threw is ruff you touched me with how you are feeling because I was just diagnosed and have never spoken to some body who has the same experiences feelings you just helped me by letting me know im not alone because I always feel alone and that nobody understands or gets me. I am sorry that you are experiancing such pain and frustration, but I thank you for sharing because you did help me by sharing your words. hope you feel better soon and good luck with your doctor I dont know if finding a new one is a option but I did go threw about five before I found one that has made a difference and when I am flying of the handle or feel angry she gets it and will just listen and I know she is listening because when im done yelling or what ever she will talk to me about it. So if possible for you maybe try out new doctors because sometimes finding the right doctor is like finding the right meds for you.
    ddnos replied to 29tlc's response:
    Thank you, 29tlc, I'm glad that my sharing my feelings helped you. There are many people here who will be able to understand you - some who won't, but that's ok. Feel free to share what's on your heart here when you want to.

    Re my doctor - I was referring to my therapist i.e. tdoc, and I've been with her for many years and she's a fantastic therapist. I was just frustrated with her re our last session - but she's a keeper.

    My other doctor (ARNP) is new - I've just seen her twice, but I already "love" her! She will be who maintains my meds and is my general PCP.

    I'm glad that you found a good doctor (therapist?) That makes all the difference in the world!

    Have a good day!
    Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown

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