I posted once and someone gave me such encouragement that lasted till now. Thank you.
Tonight I can't sleep again...I thought I was so over triggers and that I wasn't bipolar anymore. in fact, that I was misdiagnosed.
I feel like a loser. I was a teacher 2004 and have been in disability since then when I was dx. then taught part time and real estate now. But I don't do anything and my husband is starting to get bother by my character and lack of motivation. Married 4 years now. He thinks I don't love him and I know I am mean, to everyone, but I am just irritated all the time. my husband left once for all the horrible things I said and humiliated him. I used to think I didn't need anyone but now that my daughter left to her dad's...I realize my husband its all I have and he is so good to me
I changed Seroquel, which it made me more depressed, but now I am hyper and cannot sleep. my dr gave me diazepam to substitute but I don't want to take it every day. she said ok. I can take valerian root, melatonin, which are natural sleeping pills.....
I think constantly I am going to lose my husband.....
I am also newly diagnosed and experiance alot of the same problems, dont give up. You will have to keep changing meds to find the right ones.
Do you go to therapy maybe your husband can go to one of your appt.'s or do some research to learn about bipolar. my husband and I sat down together and researched and read other peoples experiences, which was also hard for me to read. I too say horrible things that just come out of no were and my husband thinks I dont love him im not atttracted to him. but he see that I am trying to work hard on fixing things with thereapy meds and other things. We both have also realized I am going to have ups and downs and to enjoy the ups and those good days together.
Its a rough road I have lost alot of jobs and alot of friends I avoid alot of the things I used to enjoy. And Just hope one day when I find the right meds I will be ok enough to find a good steady job and have a enjoyable social life again. I hope to be the mom I want to be.
I hope the same for you dont give up and the best to you and your husband.
I am looking for a therapist because I became the therapist of my therapist when her mother got sick. it has been hard to find one.
I don't even wanna work or work with clines because every single transaction I have done I've had problems my husband had gone to therapy but he is in denial that I am bipolar, and his is a physician. we just do regular couples' therapy.
Dont give up I went threw alot of therapist to find the rigt one. And alot of medication to find the right ones.
As for work im struggaling with that as well my therapist says that I need something with set hrs. and structure.
I am sorry to hear that your husband is in denial, is it because he is a physician and knows a little about bipolar so he doesnt want to believe his wife could be diagnosed with it.
I some times cry and feel worthless myself because I miss so much work, some days dont clean, can barley get my kids of to school my family is lucky if they have clean clothes some days. But I push threw at hard as it f**** is I try and think about my kids because if it wasnt for them I could care less about my life. Try and think about how your life could be. My therapist does cognative behavioral tharapy with me and once she told me to think five happy thoughts about my life a day, which I still struggle with doing every day but on the days i do it I find myself in a little better of a mood then when my day started. for me some times its the simple things like coffee or I made it to work on time. Set a reminder on your phone or hang it up some were to remind you. Look up cognative behavioral theray, maybe you can learn something new that helps you until you find a therapist. try hanging up any little saying around your house that are up lifting to you. Because your not worthless nobody is every body has a perpose in life.
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.
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