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Questions For Those Who Have Lost A Loved One? Trigger
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bpcookie posted:
Hello my dahlings, Most of you know that my step mother has cancer. She has been slowly going down hill. Her last PET scan showed that her cancer has spread, every where. She can't do any more chemo. She is suffering from extreme pain and so many other health issues due to the cancer. I always knew that cancer was bad but I never knew what actually happened to someones body, all the terrible things the person goes through. Because of my health issues I have not seen her since Christmas but from what my sister tells me, my step mother looks just awful. I have a terrible feeling that my step mother won't live long enough to see Christmas this year. My fear is that she will pass away with in a few months. I hear that when someone has cancer, they can go down hill fast. I kinda wish that she will pass soon because she has suffered too long already. Me and my step mother have never been close, until the cancer hit, then I realized that I did love her. Now I am afraid. I am afraid of what life will be like with out her. How my poor father will take it. Whats going to happen? I know you guys don't know THAT answer but for those of you who have lost a loved one, how did you handle it? How did the family handle it? Who did you lose and how did you lose them? I want to hear your stories. It would really help me.

Please give me support, cause Im sure gonna need it. I need to prepare myself. I feel so lost.
Please join my community called GRUMPY GROUPIES ( http://exchanges.webmd.com/grumpy-groupies ) Fun and serious topics, nothing is taboo. So get on over there. Weirdo's are welcomed.
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slik_kitty responded:
it's never easy losing a loved one. sometimes, knowing the end is coming softens the blow, but it still hurts when they are gone. i lost my grandparents and it was sooooooooo hard cuz they were the two family members i was closest to. there's no special way to get through this. allow yourself time to grieve, but keep on living life and moving forward. just doing the day to day things helps. in time the pain lessens.
 
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29tlc replied to slik_kitty's response:
It trully is the hardest thing. I just lost my grandmother who was my everything. she to had cancer and I was antisipating her death for so long the exiety started to build up so much and she was suffering so much that it was the biggest relief ever, it took a few days for it to kick it in that it happend even thought i was in the room it still was not real to me. Grieving is trully important and every body grieves different so fallow your emotions but slik_kitty is right keep on living life and move on they will still be in your thoughts every day but it lessions the pain.

best wishes to your family
 
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bpcookie responded:
Thanks to you both. Slik, ya know I love ya honey. 29tlc, its so nice to have you on the board.

Ive never lost anyone who was really close to me. I did have to put my dog, Cookie, to sleep and she was like my child. But that experience was personal, between me and my husband. When my step mother passes, it will something shared with my entire family and family friends. So this is all new to me and Im a bit frightened.

Thanks for your support and for telling me your stories.
Please join my community called GRUMPY GROUPIES ( http://exchanges.webmd.com/grumpy-groupies ) Fun and serious topics, nothing is taboo. So get on over there. Weirdo's are welcomed.
 
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Anneinside responded:
Since your stepmother is not part of your daily life it will be easier to deal with it. My father died in January and one of my brother in laws died in September. Neither was part of my daily life and although I miss them their deaths hurt but haven't caused any problems with bipolar. I took some momentos and set up a shadowbox for my father's things - medals, arm patches and I like to look at it. It would be nice if you could get a memento if/when you go to the funeral... it doesn't have to be expense, just meaningful to you.

Now, as for a death of someone part of your daily life. In the fall of 1992 my husband left. Three months later my only child, Serena, 16 years old, died in a car accident. I went from having a family to being completely alone. It sent me into a depression that lasted 2 years and included two suicide attempts. It actually kick-started my bipolar again. It was horrible. After her death, every day I would wake up and remember that she was dead. I went to work. I came home and sat in my chair in the dark until it was time to go to bed. I laid on the bed and stared at the ceiling. I got up, showered, changed clothes and started the day again.

It's been 20 years now. On her birthday on June 30th and the anniversary of her death December 30th I buy her flowers. In the summer I take them to the Children's Memorial and cry. In the winter I keep the flowers on the piano next to the picture of her and me taken just days before she died... and cry. I only cry about her when it is close to one of the anniversaries, the rest of the year I am pretty good. I have pictures and painting of her throughout the house. I feel a twinge of sadness sometimes when I look at the pictures but usually I just think of how much I love her.

I never have understood how people can say "I loved her/him" after someone died... I still love her.
 
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bpcookie replied to Anneinside's response:
I have always taken small memento's of loved ones who have passed. I like those things that remind me of that person. I have memento's from both grand mothers. I loved my grand mothers but something is different when it comes to my step mother. She raised me from when I was 7. She was cruel to me and hated me and I held it against her for a long time but ended up forgiving her. Our relationship was ok for about 10 yrs and then cancer hits.

OMG Annie, I could only imagine how your heart must have felt like it had been ripped from your chest. I am so very very sorry about your daughter. I know what you mean about ppl saying the word "loved" or even the word "was". I've always said the word "is" , as in "She IS pretty". Because even if they passed away, in my mind they still are pretty, loved, kind, etc.
Please join my community called GRUMPY GROUPIES ( http://exchanges.webmd.com/grumpy-groupies ) Fun and serious topics, nothing is taboo. So get on over there. Weirdo's are welcomed.
 
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jselleck replied to Anneinside's response:
When I was 14 my favorite uncle on dad's side of the family was diagnosed with what they called race horse cancer. In other words a very fast, very aggressive form of brain cancer. Over the next four months I watch my uncle John go from a vibrant loving man, to an emaciated skeleton. If grandma hadn't put a picture of him at his sister's wedding on top of the casket people probably wouldn't have recognized him. That was a relief, actually since he was in so much pain. Plus my stupid relatives didn't make things any easier at the funeral. When my uncle Charlie passed, it was a shock, but one we knew was coming. He had cancer and I had just gone to see him on friday, and I got the call sunday afternoon. I remember driving down from college for the funeral, but the drive back was a blurr. When I got to Matt's I was so stressed I was l litterly shaking. I don't know how I got through my shift at the gas station that night. But I have mementos of uncle Charlie, the dearest to me a stained glass sun catcher he made for my high school graduation. I still miss him to this day, but visiting and talking to my Aunt, and visiting his grave when I'm home, helps. As some of you know because I've talked about her, I lost my great grandmother about 7 years ago. We were extremely close, I was even named after her. The best part of the funeral was the two day viewing. So many family members and friends showed up, it was more like a party than a funeral. Really helped with the grieving. Of course I broke down the next day at the funeral service, but I think most of the female family members were. For the flight back to Texas I took a rose from the graveside and safety pin doll that had been in her home for years. I still miss her, but surrounding myself with mementos helps. Hope this helps Cookie. There's no one way to grieve. You just have to do it. Sometimes it's short and sweet, other times it long and drawn out. Take care my friend.

Jess


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