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    Trying to keep going TUESDAY - daily post may contain TRIGGERS
    melly2210 posted:
    Morning everyone....

    Weather: Damp. Waiting for more rain.

    Sleep: Restless. Awake way too early.

    Mood: Depressed, depressed, depressed. Angry. Very very angry. And incredibly anxious.

    Plans: Well, I accomplished most of the laundry yesterday. Cleaned the kitchen. And that's about it as far as the house is concerned. Picked up my neuro-opth. notes yesterday and I am officially legally blind in both eyes. Notes basically said that a lot of tests were not performed that should have been, but he can't assist me further and is referring me back to the neuro who referred me and the orig opth. Spent the day at the Division of Blind Services. I applied and qualified for the state program who will refer me to various agencies to help me get through the adjustment process for free. I should hear from a counselor within the next day or so who will actually come to me at my home to evaluate my circumstances and go from there. I am going to finish laundry. And then I am going to start my phone marathon. Starting with the insurance co, medicare, medicaid, the vision plan, the Lion's club cause there is probably no adequate coverage for the glasses I am going to need to help me see a little bit better, make appt with neuro and opth (do NOT want to go to this idiot ever again), call my primary care because I forgot to have my deferment and forgiveness paperwork signed by him for my student loans, and of course, call ds1 and ds2's guidance counselors to figure out how to register them for online courses they have failed to make up their grades online. Oh, and I have to hound the three tdocs covered by my plan to get back in as a new patient. I need to be seen ASAP. Maybe the BS counselor can help make that happen.

    I am going to TRY to take it easy on myself, but I don't see that happening. I expect that I'm going to cry and lash out over the phone with almost every phone call. I've been taking it out on hubs, inadvertantly, lately. And yesterday he asked me why I was so manic. I thought about it, and finally, in tears said "I am trying to get everything done that needs to be done - house cleaned and organized, furniture places specifically where it needs to be permanently located, finish projects that are visibly incomplete and TEACH him and the boys how to help me stay as independent as I can. I am running out of time. Everyday is worse than the last and I am scared I don't have enough time." I cried hysterically through all of this. And it was like a light went off over his head. I am so worried about how he is going to adapt and handle the new responsibilities he is going to have to take on as well. I think I need something other than clonazepam to take care of the constant, never ending anxiety. Don't see pdoc again for another couple of weeks and I am going to ask for something stronger.

    Sorry for the ramble. And I hope you are all having a better week than I am. Beep beep!


    Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
    nems59 responded:
    Your plate is not just full it's dripping over the sides. I am so sorry you are having to go through all this. I would definitely be overwhelmed with all you are trying to accomplish especially in one day. Give yourself a break and do try to be easy on yourself.
    What I had to start doing again is my to do list. Once I write down the chores, phone call I have to do I don't feel so overwhelmed and when I complete a task, I mark it off that way I feel I have accomplished something even if it's only a couple of things. I applaud you for continuing on despite your circumstances. Sending up prayers.
    bpcookie responded:
    OMG Melly, you poor sweet heart. It just never ends for you, does it? Just like you said, take it easy on your self today. Dont try to do everything at once. It will only make you frustrated. Also, if you want to lash out at someone, give me a call. I will let you yell at me and call me dirty name. Take care honey. muah
    Please join my community called GRUMPY GROUPIES ( ) Fun and serious topics, nothing is taboo. So get on over there. Weirdo's are welcomed.
    bpcookie responded:
    Hello my dahling,

    Weather: too frickin hot

    Sleep: pretty good

    Mood: ok as of right now, later I could be crying, or angry, or happy, or crying

    Plan: need to pay some medical bills. Tomorrow I see my pain specialist, who I have been seeing for almost a year and I am still in pain. I just realized that they must realy suck at thier job. lol hhhmmm come to think of it, all the Gynos that I have seen, vulva specialists and Voo Doo Dr.s suck as well. I need to find a Dr. that doesnt suck. uuuggghhh Im trying to find a surgeon who would consider doing vulva surgery, but they all want to mess around with medication, ointments and prosedures because they all think they can fix me. (trigger) this is MY vagina, I want the Dr.s to quit messing with it and consider doing surgery.

    ok, need to update my mood, I am now angery and crying. gggrrrr.

    Love ya all, muahs
    Please join my community called GRUMPY GROUPIES ( ) Fun and serious topics, nothing is taboo. So get on over there. Weirdo's are welcomed.
    DizzyJgirl responded:
    Melly, I am sorry for all you are dealing with. It is good to see you are going to be getting some help and you are dealing with that head on. As the others said, you have to go easy on yourself. I think being good to yourself is important.
    If you need something for anxiety, call you call the pdoc before your app't?
    I am glad you finally were able to let things out to your hubby. I am sure he wants to help you.

    Cookie, it is hard to believe you are still dealing with all of your health issues. You have been through so much and you have to be your own advocate because nobody else is going to do it.
    I do think it seems to be one of THOSE days...blah.
    Hugs to all.
    Live Life Loud
    DizzyJgirl responded:
    Ok, here is the update from me

    Weather: grey, windy and cold

    Sleep: good

    Mood: not so good, anxious

    Possible trigger:
    Plans: can't focus. Have to take my dog to the vet for a checkup. I am terrified to go. Making one of my older boys come with me. She is an older dog, bad arthritis and is losing her fur (beyone just shedding). I don't know if her meds are helping her.
    Making chili for dinner. Trying to focus on that and plus, it is cold so it seems like it will hit the spot later.
    Live Life Loud
    bpcookie replied to DizzyJgirl's response:
    Hey Dizzy Dahling, I'm keeping my fingers crossed and hoping your doggy will be ok. Stay warm honey. hugs and muahs
    Please join my community called GRUMPY GROUPIES ( ) Fun and serious topics, nothing is taboo. So get on over there. Weirdo's are welcomed.
    DizzyJgirl replied to bpcookie's response:
    Thanks sweets! Doggie is home with lots of extra meds, special shampoo for a skin condition and sprays. I think she scared someone in the waiting room at the Vets. Sorry but I had to laugh. We came out of the exam room and this woman was like "OMG! What happened?! Was she in an accident?!". Poor pup has arthritis and skin allergies and her fur is all mangy looking. She looks scary. I told dh that our puppy gets all the "ohhhs and ahhhs" and our older dog scares people. Dh calls them "Million Dollar Dogs". I say we are paying the Vets mortgage again...
    Thanks again xo
    Live Life Loud

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