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    Nespa posted:
    Hello. I am new to this and I need some help. I was diagnosed with BiPolar two in 2008, and ADHD-inattentive in 2011. I had a normal upbringing but have always been on the moody side and have always talked fast, would stay up for hours cleaning when I was old enough to do so. I had a child at 25 and since then my life has dramatically gone down hill. I still have episodes of being happy once in a while, but mostly I'm overly depressed, unless I'm doing something that "makes me feel better". I can not have a normal relationship with a man. I have done things that I never thought I was capable of doing, and in turn feeling extreme guilt over doing it. I have now lost my job for the second time, only this time I didn't just quit...I lost it because I was on medical leave and my FMLA was over. I'm still not sure I could go back to work because stress sends me over the edge. I am currently taking 750mg of Depakote, 250mg of Effexor, and Amphetamine for ADHD. The meds do help, but I'm alone, I'm a single parent. I have no one who understands what this feels like. I get varied reactions when I explain or try to explain what it feels like...not that that's an easy task... I still (even after five years) have a hard time understanding it, nevermind explaining to an "outsider". My parents are the worst...I know that they love me and care but are completely hopeless at understanding or helping me. I am almost 34 and I feel like a helpless child. I also have a child who was diagnosed with ADHD-combined type, anxiety, depression, and ODD. Trying to help him and understand him is so hard when I can't even control my life!!! I am seeing a therapist, she's great, but not a specialist in this field. There are not many psychiatrists (I don't think my current one likes me) around who know much about this. I live in a very rural area...not much help to be had. I am applying for SSDI OR SSI, I can't remember for both me and my kid, but I keep hearing horror stories about how people are always denied the first time around, and to be perfectly honest, I can't survive much longer without income! I have STD at the moment but that will be up on 6/11/13. After that, it's either unemployment (which I may not be able to get) or welfare...and we all know that has a HUGE stigma attached. I feel so helpless, hopeless...and alone... I don't know what to do! I want to go back to school but, financially I'm not sure I can and fear/stress have me paralyzed.
    bpcookie responded:
    Hello Nespa, Welcome to the board. You are no longer alone because we are here and we have all had our own difficulties, so we do understand hard ships, depression, feeling alone, etc. We are here for you. We may not always have the right answers but we can give you support.

    I have been on SSDI for 14 yrs now. I was denied the first few time and I ended up getting a lawyer and was finally accepted. I went through therapy which helped a lot and found a great shrink. It took me years before I found the right mix of meds. I learned a great deal from the ppl on this board. These ppl are wonderful and have never let me down when I needed support. So you are on the right track. Therapy is key and a good support system such as this one, is also very helpful. Just keep taking one day at a time and keep on fighting, one day you will wake up and think "wow, I have finally made it and am where I want to be". Hang in there.
    Please join my community called GRUMPY GROUPIES ( ) Fun and serious topics, nothing is taboo. So get on over there. Weirdo's are welcomed.

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