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    New here Bipolar II
    latelinda1946 posted:
    Would like information and discussion on how to live with this...I am 66 now and apparently have been dealing with this for years...I always knew I had reoccurring depression, seasonal depression and episodes when I could not shut my brain down to sleep easily, but never was diagnosed as Bipolar...never knew there were types of this...not just from very high to very low....Well, now reading on this and self diagnosing, I realize I am and have been for years now, but worse after turned 55. I have had 40 surgeries, lots of health issues, but have four children and worked all my life, sometimes 3 jobs, made lots of poor decisions/choices, but survived. Always tried to help others and involved in issues to help communities, often overloading myself with responsibilities, setting myself up for failures. Like having 10 boxes, full to sort, saying I can multitask and control, then later, feeling overwhelmed, realize I should have only dealt with three max. I look back over my life and realize I was only fooling myself, it is life's illusions I recall, I really did not know and now it is too late to go back and change...I need help to do what I can now to deal with my life. Linda
    shelanater responded:
    I really feel you I had a pretty wild life as a younger person drinking dancing just having fun I thought but the truth came 13 years ago when I was put in a alchol treatment center for 5 mths then I became a intake counselor at a very well known rehab I too fung myself into everything doing everybodies job and had 6 kids and 5 marriages to alchoholics but didnt think I was cuzz I could pick it up and put it done I got super depressed after my 6th child which is also not wise for bipolar women post pardom depression is crazy and then I had stopped drinking and felt it all 100x more so the rehab doc put me on paxil and thats the sure fire way to find out your bipolar cannot take anti depressants I went nuts it was horrible I gave up my job cuz I was so whacky and a freind gave me a book written by a bipolar psychitrist when I read her story I went straight to my shrink and said this is Im 56 now and have been in therapy and with same shrink for over 10 years. I have not be but I dont en in hospital or suicidal fot 10 years but I can no longer take the only bipolar med that helped Seroquel I gained 200 pounds and was a a walking time bomb so I have ativan for my major anxiety and the rest is what I call getting the will to live. I have no life no interest and rolly bummed that this is my life I watch tv do my housework and lay on my hed I lost all the weight but nothing really is happiness or fun I just found out Im gonna be a gammah I hope I find some joy in that. My marriage is awful brutally abusive no con cern for my health my last son is 18 still at home and is a big jerk he is like hacing another husband to arrack me I wish I could wave a majic wand and be happy again but like you Im just wating to end this life I feel so guilty for my past I have no relationship with my family they dont like me cuzz I dont drink my dad just died and no one ever called me my daughter in law saw it on facebook pretty bad I just stay to myself and dont even try to get my family to be kinder to me. Well now you know yoou are not the only Debbi downer it sucks and I feel for anyone that has this one rhing dont let them give you shock trearments I have seen so many with the cure all and now they just drool on themselves. Np way I have no one that would take care of me just pray and hang in there and get a good shrink not a pill pusher.
    latelinda1946 replied to shelanater's response:
    Well, sounds like you have lots to deal with too. Both of my brothers had Hep C and liver diseases and both were alcoholics. One died at 42 and the other at 54. I have been aware that alcoholism and addiction has been a problem in our family for several generations in addition to several types of mental illness. I know my daughter and two grandchildren are Bipolar, but I thought my problem was just depression, that would be worse at different times. I saw a doctor on tv discussing different types of Bipolar and type two description was describing me. I am trying to deal with life and try to appear as 'norm' as possible, but I am so disorganized and some days do not even open the mail. I feel very overwhelmed with even small tasks and paying bills, not enough income to pay all. Not really any close friend
    latelinda1946 replied to latelinda1946's response:
    Close friends or family and too embarrassed to discuss my problems.....they would not be much help anyway. My mother, 86 has always been into herself and never really wanted children and was not much of a grandparent either. I remember telling her once after I was disabled, unable to return to work, had to file bankruptcy, forced to sell our houses for less than owed, used my retirement to pay medical bills, had parrots and dogs, I said if I cannot find a place for me and my birds, that I felt like killing all my animals and myself, she replied oh don't kill the birds...Well, that shocked me back to reality and I will never tell her anything again. Anyway, I have always been the strong one, the one always helping others, not really anyone to go to with a problem. Guess that is why I am here now discussing this.
    An_252399 replied to latelinda1946's response:
    You should be proud of yourself for helping others but sometimes you have to slow down or take a breather. Don't overly exert yourself because it may do you harm. I've dealt with health issues in my family, my father who was diagnosed with heart disease., finances, and it's really hard to function normally at work. And it has took a toll on me and I would relapse with horrid symtoms such as hallucinations (auditory and visual). These life events can be highly stressful and it could be anything from finances, health, environmental stress factors or work. You should definitely consider talking to a psychologist and not self diagnose. If you don't have insurance or medical funds, try a health facility that offers free counseling. The worst is stressing about your health issues. Been there, done that. You can research online to see which exercises may benefit you. Being active physically and changing to a healthy diet may do you good. I can tell you are highly stressed about your health and all I can say is try to overcome this by lifestyle changes and relax.

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