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    AFRAID I am going to loose you guys - THANK YOU NOT SUICIDAL - poss TRIGGER
    melly2210 posted:
    I am, literally, on the largest font on my computer to see. Even then I am straining, the words are blurring and moving around. I'm scared about a lot of things. But most of all, I wanted to tell you all that I'm scared to loose you guys. Terrified actually. When I need support or advice, I come here and one other place. I love to respond, when I am emotionally and mentally, able to and return the support and advice too. I don't know how or if the text to verbal or verbal to text will function on this format either.

    So.....I want to say thank you for everything. For listening. For giving advice. For the commiserating. For the laughs. For the silly parties that get deleted or edited until the entire thread makes no sense. Basically, thank you for everything. All of you. Old or new. It has meant so much to know that I am NOT alone in dealing with the anxiety, the mania, the depression and BP stuff. Or the host of other family things, medicine things and other medical stuff we come across in our lives.

    If I can figure out how to stay, I will, but I don't know. Things are excelerating fast and I don't know how much time I have. Don't think I've deserted you all because I think about you all every single day. I'll miss you all like crazy and worry about you as much as I do now. I hope you all can understand this. I used to think I would never wish being bipolar on my worst enemy, but honestly, going blind after seeing things for 40 years is not only a hard pill to swallow but is so much worse than dealing with the roller coaster of least for me....the overthinker and creative personality.

    I will stay as long as I can and try to say goodbye when it is time. Love you guys!

    Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
    ddnos responded:
    ((((((((((((Mel)))))))))))))) I feel really badly for you with what's been going on with your site and all - I can't imagine how that would make you feel!

    I have a couple thoughts re text to voice software for those who are visually impaired - but first, are you aware that social security disability offers extra services for those with visual disabilities? With that in mind, I wouldn't be a bit surprised if through either social security or a social security funded program, you would qualify for free or very reduced software that would be highly sophisticated stuff, not the software you might download on the Internet. I would ask your counselor or caseworker, or whoever you work with that coudl help you, because I know that there are programs that would be able to read and write these posts and surf the Internet! I would be willing to help you look into it if after you talk with your case worker (or whoever) and he/she doesn't know (though I would be surprised if they didn't)

    Hang in there!

    Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown
    slik_kitty responded:
    beej has special software that she uses on her puter to be able to see it. i haven't heard from her in a while, but i will send her an email and see what she has. so sorry this is going on. i hope we don't lose you. hugs
    melly2210 replied to ddnos's response:
    Thanks. Social Security is on my list of things to do. According to my DBS counselor I qualify for extra money each month because I am legally blind.

    DBS is working on things, but there is such a list it is ridiculously long. My ds2 is supposed to be working on the windows software, but he's been sick. And even then, certain "buttons" like the pull down tab here to start a post don't even show up.

    Doodle, I may take you up on that offer.

    Slik....I appreciate that so much. Knowing a name of the software and/or hardware makes it so much easier.

    Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
    bpcookie replied to melly2210's response:
    Hey Sweetie, I know this must be beyond scary and the thought of losing your little support group here, on top of that, must make it even worse. Doodles and Kitty have great ideas, also, you can always call me. If you don't have my number, then email me and I will reply with my number attached. Take care my friend. muahs
    Please join my community called GRUMPY GROUPIES ( ) Fun and serious topics, nothing is taboo. So get on over there. Weirdo's are welcomed.
    ddnos replied to melly2210's response:
    Hi Mel, yeah, I forgot to mention about the extra money. lol At least that will be nice. You should get retroactive money starting from when your vision became what SS deems "legally blind" If you got a hold of SS today, I'm sure you found that out, among other things.

    So just let me know anything I can do to help if/when you need/want it. I was looking at various software out there that is specifically for those visually impaired. There's way too much out there, so I'm going to give SSA a call to ask if they know of any program that would provide the software for you.

    Email if you need help

    Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown
    melly2210 replied to ddnos's response:
    Thanks Doodles....

    I went to SS office today. Part of the vision issues is that I see multiple items and they are constantly moving. Good thing I can type without looking at the keys. Anyways, the waiting room was standing room only and my anxiety went through the roof and I was starting to freak out, so we left. Spent an hour on the phone - they did not offer the call back option - and finally hung up to make an appointment. I will try again tomorrow. I have spoken with SS last week and was told I need to be working. DBS says that isn't going to be able to happen for a year and they are full of you know what.

    The social services worker from the insurance co was legally blind, so I've been hitting that lucky. She suggested a few programs she has used. But they're costly. I need to call my counselor with DBS to talk about it with her. The tie up is the whole referral process to Lighthouse for the Blind. They dedicate summers to children which makes sense. But it also makes it harder on me to wait for the things I need to function. I also have been having major financial problems because of the number of appointments I have to go to. I have no copays, but the gas expenses alone have killed us. Add in 2 bottomless pits to the one I already have and OMG we're barely keeping food in the house. I'm having to go to food banks to help us.

    Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
    melly2210 replied to bpcookie's response:
    I'll be emailing you cause an ear who understands the bp part of it, I just need to remember the password to my Yahoo acct. I've kind of stopped using it because of the amount of spam. Same for you Doodles.

    Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
    slik_kitty replied to melly2210's response:
    I emailed her but haven't gotten a response yet.
    melly2210 replied to slik_kitty's response:
    Ok....something has happened to my yahoo account which is where I think all of your emails were. You can email me at

    Geez...I'm not even sure how I am going to coupon either. LOL

    Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
    jselleck replied to melly2210's response:
    I went to college with a guy who was legally blind. With really thick glasses he could see some things, but required help with his textbooks and taking tests. I'm still sorta in contact with him, if I can get him to respond I'll ask him what software and computer he uses. Jason's a really good guy, or at least he was in college. I haven't heard from him in several months though. If you need someone to talk to you should still have Matt and I's new number. Call us sometime. We miss you. Got to run.


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