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    Mopey Monday - daily post may contain TRIGGERS
    melly2210 posted:
    Morning all....beep beep

    Weather: Sweltering. Can even feel it inside

    Sleep: UGH. Stomach bug or reaction to dinner at mom's house to start. Mid-way through a migraine woke me up. Then hubs got up to go to work. Just couldn't get back to sleep.

    Mood: Still way depressed. Anxiety through the roof. Panic'd

    Plans: Phone calls. More dismal phone calls. Call PCP to see if they've gotten the referral to the special "specialist" done, and if not what roadblocks there are. Then call Med Case Mgr with ins co to see if she can intervene and push it through. Also need to check on the VEP referral which I think has been missed with everything else. Call the Ins co social worker back who left me a message Fri. Then I need to call my DBS counselor to find out when Mobility training is to start. I've started having total loss of vision here and there, so I need this to start right away now. Also need to see if they can help me set the computer to the right contrast combo and get the process started for text to voice and voice to txt ordered. And then I get to call DCF. Applied for add'tl food assistance with the boys being here full time, but it's been 3 1/2 weeks and it isn't processed even though I've complied with all they've asked. No food assistance, but they gave them medicaid even though the application CLEARLY states they have medical ins complete with policy numbers, carrier and policy holder info. Idiots. Call and fight with SS about changing my disability from BP to Blind. They make no sense either. And while doing all of this, continue to organize so I can function. Cook dinner.

    I am so completely panic'd about being ready. I know it's irrational, but still. I don't want to follow through with further testing, but what if this is genetic? I need to have the boys screened if it is. So tired, and all I want is to curl up in a ball and say "NO MORE." But hubs ain't handling things well. With the boys here, I cannot afford for him to fall apart if I can't keep it together. Sick of being strong. For once, I want to say I can't do this anymore with absolutely no repercussions.

    Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
    bpcookie responded:
    Hello Dahlings, Beep beep

    Weather: way too hot. Yesterday I was wearing a dress and thought I would test the water by walking down a couple of the pool steps, being careful not to get my dress wet, I slipped on the last one and fell in. LOL. I knocked on the back door, hubby opened it and there I stood dripping wet, asking him to get me a towel.

    Sleep: not too good. Something was on my hubbies mind and he decided to tell me about it at 4:00. am lol

    Mood: ok.

    Plans: Mom is coming over to take me to the hospital tomorrow to have the surgery done and then she is staying a few more days to take care of me. Also my uncle is coming over today to watch a movie with me. This should be interesting, my biological mother and my step mothers brother here.

    I will most likely be MIA for a few days or more. If I do reply, it will be from my IPad or IPod. Either way, I will prob. be in bed and my spelling will suck cause it has NO spell check and Im too lazy to use any capitals. *shrug*

    Love ya guys. muahs
    Please join my community called GRUMPY GROUPIES ( ) Fun and serious topics, nothing is taboo. So get on over there. Weirdo's are welcomed.
    melly2210 replied to bpcookie's response:
    I hope the family gets along for your sake and I'll be thinking all day about you tomorrow. I sure hope this surgery is THE answer!!!

    And I can so see you as a dripping rat! ROFL.

    We'll miss you.....feel better!

    Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
    monkeybee replied to melly2210's response:
    Cookie, I'm praying for you and will be thinking of you tomorrow. I, too, hope this takes away all of your pain! Melly, I'm still thinking and praying for you too hun and I'm so sorry you have to go through all of this! I hope everyone is having a good day!

    Weather: high 70's and very rainy

    Sleep: Restless and filled with crazy dreams

    Mood: Still Manic?? Not good though, filled with pure anxiety and my mind has been preoccupied with random suicidal thoughts.

    Plans: Not much going on today, just hanging out with the kiddos and about to make dinner. Hoping tomorrow is better than today.

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