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    Men and Sex (possibly TRIGGERing)
    melly2210 posted:
    Well you all know I am going blind. And I have been fighting to get the tests and referrals I need for medical care. Not counting that DCF is just not cooperating and losing papers and other horrible things. Added 2 people to the household and LOST all the benefits we were gettting. How does that happen? No one at Social Security wants to update my status to blind to spite written documentation and showing the info directly FROM their website. I'm probably going to have to get another attorney involved.

    We'll add in the stress of the financial burden this is all taking. It is my kids here, right? And things MIGHT be a little bit easier if they weren't. I am basically extreme couponing without the hoarding (no where to put the stuff or I would for the staples) as an attempt to cut down the cost of groceries as much as possible. I am even shopping at stores with perks for fuel.

    And I am still trying to finish the last of the projects I have less before I cannot. So I am manic and not sleeping well, if at all. To spite the manic behaviors, I am severely depressed. Hanging on by a thread. Oh, did I mention I get motion sick now too?

    Anyways, hubs isn't grasping my sudden lack of sex drive. It's energy I don't want to give. I sit hours on the phone everyday. I'm trying to help ds1 replace his final semester grade to raise his GPA. I have yet to receive the mobility training I need because I am getting periods where I don't have vision. And he's hornier than a toad. Today, he announced he was wanting sex. I was literally laying there crying about the whole situation we are in. I'm scared about everything. I feel responsible for the financial situation. I'm afraid of what is going to happen when I can't cook anymore. I don't want to live on raviolis, ramen, and hamburger helper.

    Well he pushes the point, even though I am crying. I had barely stopped before he dove right in. And I gave in, simply because it was easier than saying no and fending off the advances. I went through the motions and got nothing out of it except exhaustion of one more thing I cannot enjoy right now. I cannot explain this to him. I have tried. Over and over. I don't know what to do.

    Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
    monkeybee responded:
    I have a very loving a supportive husband but he can do the same thing at times. Most of the time he gets it right, but sometimes, he assumes that comforting me after I've been crying equals sex. I'm sorry you have to go through this and that your husband doesn't always get it! No matter how much you explain, he probably won't get it. Men's brains don't work like our brains work. I hope it's gotten a little better in this department since you posted this.
    jselleck replied to monkeybee's response:
    Men can be pigs. I'm sorry you're going through this whole mess. Especially since I'm positive this isn't the summer you had planned with your boys. The government just doesn't get it most of the time. I remember when I was living in Indiana and filed for food stamps because I was out of work. They wanted to take at least a month to process my application, possibly even longer. It was December and I was wondering how I was going to get to work 30 miles away and still heat my apartment. It was a mess. The least little thing throws a wrench into the works. I'm sorry you lost your benifits. You shouldn't have. Hope things get better for you on that end. Does anybody else know how to cook?? Your step daughter??? I don't know about Florida but home ec is mandiatory in Indiana to pass the 8th grade. Plus my mom taught me and Sarah to cook. Matt says I still have some learning to do, but at least it's edible I say. Well, once I over spiced something. But only once in my defense.
    Hope your husband is more understanding. I'm lucky I guess. Matt's awesome. Take care. How did the advice on the clogged eye duct turn out??? Hope things get easier. Still waiting to hear because from my old classmate on software etc.

    K_Polar replied to jselleck's response:
    I'm sorry you're having a tough time, but these challenges affect both partners. Your husband is feeling stress too. There are five love languages. If your husband's is physical contact, he needs sex to feel loved, and it is how he inherently shows love. You have to take his needs into consideration too. It sounds like you did, but if this post were written by your husband about you: how hurt would you feel? Would you feel not desired and humiliated?

    The last thing you need right now is an affair, so try to be as understanding to him as you want him to be towards you.
    melly2210 replied to K_Polar's response:, he doesn't get it. Probably never will. If 2 days pass he's whining and complaining. <sigh> I just wish he would understand that at this time, I just don't have any drive.

    Jess....nope, you're definately right. This is not how I planned the summer. My medical issues have definately put a monkey wrench into things. As for the tear duct? It's fine. It's a nerve issue. More run around that I won't get into. As for cooking, I am a sight cooker. I measure nada. So it's hard for me to distinguish seasoning from seasoning especially things like onion and garlic powder since they absorb quickly and are a couple of shades apart in color. I'm in the process of putting recipes down on cards for everyone. As for step-daughter? HA! Not happening, but thanks for that thought.

    K_Polar...I realize he is under stress too. But he does have the out of walking away from the situation. He isn't experiencing the anxiety or fear I am facing on a daily basis. There are times where I am completely, utterly helpless. I can't ever walk away from those things. They are in me, are part of me. He can, at least, get in the car and leave the problems alone to relieve his stress. I go no where alone anymore. My local friends don't come around. And I have to hide a lot of this from my children. As for him seeing this? First of all, he knows this is my support group where I come to share my issues. He is sometimes a trigger for me, which he also knows, and is aware that I come here to voice those issues and get advice on how to better cope.

    Oh, and thanks for telling me he might cheat. That CERTAINLY was a HUGE help. Idiot.

    Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson

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