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Dating & when to tell you SO?
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HelpKat posted:

Take the Poll

In a relationship, when do you think is the right time to tell you BF/GF about your BP?
  • Before going on a date
  • After dating a while but still early in the relationship
  • Not until you're discussing marriage
  • After your married
  • Never/other
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mattthecat responded:
Helpkat I do not think you can set plan on this kind of thing it is piece of personal information that should fit in to a flow of a relationship depending on the person you may need the person you are dating to be really in to you before telling him and have plan to educate him on what bipolar is. You might get lucky and find that the guy has experience with mental illness in one form or another and it may not be a problem for him. One example would be some one like me who grew up around Bipolar in my family and honestly looking back think my now wife's behavior was more of the same from when i grew up and was comforting in way i did not even realize until later. Or it might be test for guy who is boarder line into the first month or two of dating you feel like you can trust him but the relation ship seems to be missing the fire works and being totaly understanding on the bipolar thing might be the thing that puts him over the top or sinks him if there is a lack of understanding.
So to sum it up you may need play any relation ship by ear and tell the person you are dating when the timing seems just right to you. Any relationship is a gamble and either it will work or it will not. When i was dating I never told any one I was dating about my family until i was sure one that the girl I was dating was not going to be a vengeful jerk if we broke up and two that the person cared about me enough to live with my very eccentric family.
That just my two cents on this issue I hope some or all my advice helps. but if not I wish you luck on finding the right person.

Matt
 
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ibex7 replied to mattthecat's response:
Just for the records, Matt, I found out about bp at age 35, divorced after 6 years marriage. Soon after meeting my second wife, I told her about my bp. The subsequent marriage lasted 22 years when she passed of cancer.
Sometimes you don't mean to say what you mean to say you mean.
 
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mattthecat replied to ibex7's response:
ibex7 does that mean that you think helpkat should be honest up front? Or does that mean like me you think the bipolar Issue should come out naturally depending on the person she is dating like I do? Honesty up front has it merits to but it in my opinion it is a bigger gamble and seem like a lot of work if helpkat finds 1 in 10 men open to that. That would seem like a lot of extra dating if she does not find some one open to that until the sixth or seventh try. plus that would mean that there would be a lot of guys out there who know that she has a mental illness.
Although I am glad it worked for you ibex7.
Good post ibex7.

Matt
 
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hereinmyhead replied to mattthecat's response:
Before, but with the caveat that this would only be for a date with someone I assume you have gotten to know a little before the date. A "blind" date, or a spontaneous one doesn't allow the opportunity, so in that case, I would suggest that you first see how the date goes - if you seem to hit it off, then bring it up. If you're skin is crawling or you find yourself ordering doubles instead of single shots just to make them SEEM more fun, skip it. Waste of breath on someone you can't wait to get away from.

(and now I'm 23 minutes late)

OKAY OKAY - I'm off!
 
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HelpKat replied to hereinmyhead's response:
Thanks for the replies. I was trying to figure out if telling a guy friend who wants to now date me (and I him) is a good thing. He knew I was depressed but nothing about the BP. He certainly didn't understand depression (yes he used the terms get over it, that's life, and just go...you need to go to work.) I don't want to lie to him but I also don't want to freak him out. I finally decided to not date him so I don't drag him into this mess right now. I'm hoping once my meds are more stable I can let him in. But we've been friends for years and he said he can't be friends and still try to move on in relationships . So now I've lost my best friend and a potential husband because this BP still scares the crap out of me. Oh well. I appreciated every ones input.


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