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New here: Lost & feeling hopeless :(
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An_252876 posted:
I have Bipolar, am a 36 year old mother of an 18 & 14 year old and have been married to my husband for 17 years, together for 20. A month ago, he decided that my "bipolar" was causing issues so he moved out and went to live with friends "for 2 weeks" to give us some separation and for me to "work on myself". He left me on Monday (6/24)and was fired from his job on Friday (6/28). My youngest was visiting my family out of the state and when she found out all of this, she asked that we sign guardianship over to my Mother, which we agreed to do. So, I have lost my husband and my youngest daughter.

The longer I sat here, the more pissed off I got that he had walked out on me and left me alone to deal with life. I have kicked his motorcycle over, threw his clothes out in the front yard, took the license plate off his motorcycle (all the vehicles are in both of our names), took the truck that he is driving (and cut the wires to the alarm because he took all the extra remotes when he left, I just happened to find an extra key he overlooked), etc. Yes, I am an angry and vengeful bipolar, I know.

I have upset and chased away just about every single friend I had over this and they are all supporting him because of my actions. They have no idea what it's like to live a day in my shoes, or they just don't care...I really don't know which one it is. But the bottom line is this: I AM ALONE!

I am on 300mg of Effexor XR, 400 mg of Topamax and I will be adding 300 mg of Neurontin beginning tonight for a week and then my doctor is increasing the dose to 600 mg.

My husband said he could not handle my controlling nature anymore and my bitchy attitude was the icing on the cake. I was not controlling on purpose, I am a go getter....a leader, per se. He is a follower, I can not help that. As far as being bitchy, any woman can be when she needs to be. I just choose not to allow people to walk on me and use me as a doormat. I stand my ground, even if it means standing alone! I have always prided myself in that. He states that I am the strongest female he knows, so it doesn't make sense.

Has anyone else been in this same boat? I would love any advice I can get. I love my husband and I want him to come home. I do these stupid antics to get his attention. He has given me one FINAL chance and if I screw up again (touching any of "his" stuff, etc.) he is going down to file for divorce. That is the last thing I want him to do. Please help me.

Thank you!!
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flasunshine62 responded:
Hang in there ...I found that stress was a huge trigger for me ...I left my husband in Sept 2009 until 2 months ago but we continued to see each other about 5 days out of the week.We have been married as long as you have ..but I found I did better when I had my own place to go to for peace ..It got expensive to pay for two places ..Everyone is different ...I didn't damage things mostly I got to a very dark place and was depressed and just wanted to stay in bed and shut out the world ...I also lost all my friends to this illness.Noises drive me crazy ...I need peace and calm and everytime my dr would change my meds I would feel like I was going to lose my mind ..I take lamictal and Xanax...I understand what you are going through.
 
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finnessawilliams responded:
Being in a Bipolar situation can often mean we don't see what the people around us are going through and it can be a very lonely thing.
I wouldn't look at it as you losing your family, just that your family's individual needs may be more than you can handle right now, and you have to know that they still love you.
I personally don't and haven't expected everyone to stand there while I destroy my life. I want to, but they know what they need more than I do. It is hard to know that this is hard on my family.
I have to be honest, given what you've explained so far, your actions have not been strong, but aggressive and after throwing his clothes on the lawn, kicking his motorcycle and taking the plates off and cutting wires in his truck, I can see why he left.
I understand that most don't understand. There is no way to describe what goes on in your head. There is no way to make people feel what we feel on a daily basis.
Honestly when it's this bad, I recommend seeing a doctor asap. If you are causing harm to yourself or others or property, it's time to nip it in the bud.
I generally harm myself in slow ways, kind of like watching paint dry, like not showering or doing my hair. I lay in bed all day and stay up all night.
Please get help. I will probably be checking into a hospital myself and it seems like your meds aren't working for you.
I hope things go better for you, just like I pray for myself all the time.
 
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An_252876 replied to finnessawilliams's response:
I harmed his property on different occasions over the course of a 4 week period. When he would do something to upset me, I would retaliate to make myself "feel better" per se.

I have been in very close contact with my psychiatrist and she added the Neurontin today to replace Saphris which threw me in to a manic episode after being on it for 2 weeks.

I, too, do not like a lot of noise or large groups of people. I just want to fix my marriage, get my husband home and be stable.


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