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I need some support :(
stephmlohan posted:
Hi, I'm Steph..brand new here. I've just been browsing WebMD for advice/to help me understand and cope a little better with my situation.

The condensed version of my story.

I dated J 3 years ago, for a little over a year. About a month into our relationship, as we spent more and more time together, I become subject to his BP disorder, that he at the time refused to admit he had. I always described our relationship as..when it was good, it was amazing. He loved me with every fiber of his being and made sure I knew how much he cared about me. But when it was bad, I'd end up locking myself in the bathroom just to cry and wonder what I had done to have him turn on me. But the cycle was always the same...I love you, you're amazing, I hate you, you're trash, baby, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean that at all.

We ended our relationship but I never stopped loving him, never got over my feelings for him. Fast forward to last summer, he tracks me down. By this point in his life, he had developed a hard hard drug habit. We talked here and there and I rallied for him to get clean, get back on meds, but he was so far gone that that sweet part in him didn't even bother to come out anymore. He ended up getting arrested and spent September to March in prison. He obviously had no choice but to get clean, which was wonderful, however he was still unmedicated. I was his sole support system while he was in prison and we restarted our relationship.
He's currently in a halfway house until September. It's nice to be able to spend time with him again, but he is still not medicated. He has spoken to his caseworker and tried so hard to convince her how important it is to get him back on track with meds. It's been bad, there have been countless nights he's been in a rage and almost walked out of the halfway house. He stays irritated, frustrated, just generally down and angry.
I'm trying so hard to stay strong for him...but I don't know how much longer I can stay with him being unmedicated. It's getting worse and worse. Even a couple months ago, we could go three or four days without an outburst, now it's easily every 24-48 hours.
I just don't know how to keep myself from feeling like I'm losing my mind and losing every shred of self confidence I have..advice?
ddnos responded:
Hi Steph,

My advice may sound harsh, but I would break up with him. You (or anyone) don't need a "project' for a relationship, which is exactly what it is. You can't fix him, nor is it your job.

ALso, he needs more than just medication to help him. Yes, that's definitely a start in the right direction, but he also needs therapy to learn new, healthy behaviors - something that medication can't do.

Why do you want to voluntarily put yourself back into a very toxic relationship?
Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown
stephmlohan replied to ddnos's response:
I don't mind harsh advice, so I didn't take offense, but I can't and won't break up with him. I don't see him as a project, I love him and he's the man I care about. Yes, there are times I think about it, but when it comes down to it, he deserves to be loved, just like anybody, BP or not. We actually have our first therapy session Aug 3rd and we'll be going weekly. I'm not walking away without at least trying as much as possible. He recognizes his problems, he's open to change, we just need to get on the right path.
bpcookie replied to stephmlohan's response:
Hello and welcome to the board. You say that he deserves to be love but you also deserve to be loved, not being loved every once and a while and then hated. Your giving him supportbut what is he giving you in return?

Therapy is a great start but he also needs to see a pdoc in order to get diagnosed and put on medications.

I wish you luck and hope everything works out for both os you.
Please join my community called GRUMPY GROUPIES ( ) Fun and serious topics, nothing is taboo. So get on over there. Weirdo's are welcomed.
jselleck replied to bpcookie's response:
Having been in a toxic realtionship with a BP guy I can tell you it doesn't get better. Even when he supposedly was on meds he still was a lying manaplitvie abusive jerk. And I was stupid enough to get sucked into his life. I agree with Debbie and Cookie. You deserve better. It took me three years to get my life back together after I finally left "The Jerk" as he's affectionately called. I know you think he'll change once he's on meds, and he says he'll take them "faithfully" but it isn't always like that. My husband's uncle is bp and if he stayed on his meds he'd do great, but he gets feeling good and stops taking his meds. That's a common theme with bipolars. I hope for your sake that things are different. Good luck.

stephmlohan replied to jselleck's response:
I've done a lot of thinking recently and it'd been a week since we broke up. I've realized I need to do a lot of work on the things he stole from self esteem, my confidence and a good chunk of my happiness. He's tried to contact me many times in the last week, so this morning I deactivated my facebook and blocked his number. I need to focus on me and what I deserve. Thanks everyone

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