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3rd one down/My Brother/Asking For Support/Trigger
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bpcookie posted:
Hey all, Every time I need support for something, for anything, I can always count on you.

My step brother started using drugs and started a life of crime back when he was a teen. He is 41 yrs old now, a drug addict and has been in and out of prison. He done the entire family wrong and we disowned him. Back in May, my step mother, who was dying of cancer, wanted to see all her children together again, so of course my step brother was there. That was the first time we had seen him in many many years. Two weeks later my step mother passed away. Then about two weeks after that, unknowing to us, my step brother ends up in the hospital, gravely ill. He had been in the hospital for over two months and then we get a call from his friend telling us that my step brother was going to die. His kidneys are shot and he has to do dialysis every day and he had cardiac arrest two days ago, but pulled through.

I was so angry at him for so many years and now that I know he is going to die, it just makes me very sad. I remember the good times we had. Now I forgive him and the family also forgives him. I talked to him today and he sounded just like the brother that I used to know and love. I could tell that he wasn't doing good, was in pain and I couldn't believe it when he asked me how I was doing. He was wondering if, after he passes away, he will see our mother. It breaks my heart.

This will be my third loss with in two months. My step mother, my friend and now my brother. I don't even want to answer my phone anymore, because Im afraid it will be bad news. Im so tired of this.

Just had to get it off my chest. Thanks my darlings.
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mercygive responded:
Hey Sweetie Pie,
We got a letter from my SIL just Monday. She is a dry alcoholic and has been on disability for the last several years. I am so proud of her that she quit drinking. She said she was writing the letter to us as Step 9 in her AA program. She writes how deeply sorry she is for her past actions and how she destroyed family gatherings, lies, embarrassment and so forth. As I was reading, I just kept thinking that I had never known her as the person she portrays in her letter. I have never been angry at her for anything, maybe worried. There has been distance in our relationship but that was because she was missing living with some guy or homeless. I have always liked her as a person and loved her as my sister. She has wonderful artistic talents in painting and I have always known her as a bluntly honest person, kind and affectionate. She has breast cancer now and also has kidney problems due to years of drinking and drugs.

Alcoholism and anger seem to go together. She is an angry person like my brother, I think, because the longer he is sober the more he sees how much alcoholism has robbed him of what would have been a better life for him, less hardships. He had an IQ of a junior in college when he was in elementary school. He could take anything a part in a million pieces and rebuild it better than it was. He was homeless for many years and every once and while he would call. My parents would be so happy to hear from him, yet so angry because he would only call when he wanted money and most of the time he would call drunk. Nonetheless, they always gave him money thinking it would help him. He has been living with my mom for about 15 years. I am trying to get him to file for disability, but he doesn't want to. If my mom passes before he does (his health is poor too), he is going to need some income. He has only worked a total of about 5 years his whole life. He turned 50 last year. My SIL turned 50 in February. I didn't realize how much of my life had passed until I turned 50 when I had a chance to look back on it one decade at a time, and seeing how much depression kept me from enjoying life and doing the things I wanted to do.

I am going to write her back and tell her how much she means to me whether I hear from her often or hardly ever at all. There will always be distance between us in miles, but not in love.

Sometimes all you can do is just say a prayer for your brother"026
A little yoga goes a along way
 
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slik_kitty responded:
hugs
 
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bpcookie replied to mercygive's response:
My sweet little Mercy Hun, Im so glad to hear that your sister is doing well and is trying to put her life back together. The letter she wrote was important for both of you, I would keep that letter forever. A year before my step mother passed, I sent her a bracelet and she sent me a letter thanking me. Thats the only kind letter that she had ever written to me. I put the letter in a drawer, for safe keeping.

As for your brother, Im very sorry to hear that he is not doing well. I hope that he will follow the path of your sister and seek help. Its never too late to do so.

Ya know, you always see the good in everyone. Thats the kind of good hearted person you are. I would like to think that I'm the same way, but I don't know. I'm trying to improve myself by not judging those who are close to me. I guess I failed when it came to my brother. I talked to him on the phone and he sounded terrible. They are giving him Meth because he is so addicted to it. All those years of abuse has finally torn his body apart. He knows he is going to pass away soon.

There is one good thing that has come out of this. My father HATED him and wouldnt even allow him to come to my step mothers funeral. But now, his heart has softened and he has went up to the hospital to see him. My brother was ssssooo happy to see him. (trigger) They even talked about God. The two most unlikely ppl in my family, talking about God. Its nice to know that they believe.

Take care my darling friend.

Love ya
Cookie
Please join my community called GRUMPY GROUPIES ( http://exchanges.webmd.com/grumpy-groupies ) Fun and serious topics, nothing is taboo. So get on over there. Weirdo's are welcomed.
 
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bpcookie replied to slik_kitty's response:
Slik Honey, I can always count on your hugs and they are very much appreciated. muahs
Please join my community called GRUMPY GROUPIES ( http://exchanges.webmd.com/grumpy-groupies ) Fun and serious topics, nothing is taboo. So get on over there. Weirdo's are welcomed.
 
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melly2210 replied to bpcookie's response:
Cookie....

I'd write you a long post full of insights and thoughts and wisdom, but right now I can't. I just want you to know I am thinking about you, praying for you and your family. I want you to feel better. Keep hanging in there, and I am sending you a million {{{{hugs}}}}

Love you....
Mel

Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
 
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bpcookie replied to melly2210's response:
aaaawwwwww Thank you Melly. I know you are going through some issues of your own and taking time to reply to me, touches my heart. I will hang in there and I want you to hang in there all. muahs
Please join my community called GRUMPY GROUPIES ( http://exchanges.webmd.com/grumpy-groupies ) Fun and serious topics, nothing is taboo. So get on over there. Weirdo's are welcomed.


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