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To Whom It May Concern, With All The Bipolar's In The Room
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casperblue482 posted:
Greetings

I am new here. I've actually just now signed up and started this post without taking the time to look around. Maybe I should do that first, yet I never seem to do anything right, so here I am. Probably doing the exact opposite of what I should be doing.

A lil about me to start off with. I was diagnosed w/ Rapid Cycling Bipolar (I believe I am actually what's called Ultradian Cycling Bipolar as the RCB does not fit w/ what happens to me on a daily basis) along w/ Psychotic Tendencies. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Anxiety Disorder, w/ Social Phobia. I also refuse to take med's for any of this. That may seem absurd to those reading this after me divulging my diagnosis.

On a brighter note however. I do take a high dosage of Fish oil to help regulate my transitions. Also, I am looking into growing my own Thai Basil w/ all its beneficialness (<-- Is that even a word? Sounds so funny saying it out loud, lol) Anyways, I have come round full circle from where I once was to where I am now in my life. However, I cannot admit that I feel it's enough

I've been dealing w/ all this my whole life. My later teenage years and early adulthood days were a walking, and breathing nightmare. In all honesty? I'm quite surprised I'm still alive, or didn't end up in jail more than I did. I don't have a support group. My family doesn't know how to cope, or deal w/ any of this. Often, more than not, I quite literally go through everything alone.

There have been many times, in fact, where I shouldn't have been alone. Yet, here I am. Still standing. Still alive. Guess its true the old saying: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger! How come I don't feel very strong then? Anyways, on a regular basis, I feel like there is someone else in my head. With whom I fight a never ending battle with.

As if I didn't already sound crazy enough, right? Haha. I don't feel like I have an alter ego, or another "actual" person in my head. Yet, it like this: I have my good days where I feel normal, happy, and where Im in the greatest mood ever. Typically Mania stuff there, yet my moods fluctuate on such a rapid cycle that I never know when Im going to be. Happy or downright depressed and suicidal.

Which brings me to the other half of my story. The other side of myself, in why I feel like im sharing my head w/ two different ppl. Altho Im not. When I cycle, or when I transition, It's like I can't help but think of committing suicide. I'm almost 40yrs old and still here, so this is nothing to be alarmed at here. This is normal for me, as Ive said before. Been dealing w/ this my whole life.

Yet still, when I've cycled, and in that other frame of mind. It quite literally feels like some1 else is behind the wheel, recklessly speedin through oncoming traffic. All the while, the normal (happy) me is tied up in the back seat screaming and kicking for dear life. Hopelessly prayin that I don't end up givin in and doing something stupid.

When I'm not all tied up in the back seat. When the other me wants more, personal, interaction w/ me. Only way I can describe it is like this. It's like he wants to dance, and it's all I can do to pacify him w/ me wrapping my arms around him and holding on for dear life. That sounds odd for even for me rereading that just now, with actually putting what happens down in print. Yet as disturbing as it may be, this is how it plays out in my head. Holding on for dear life, I mean.

All the while, going at it all alone. I cant afford professional help, and don't get me started on sliding scale payment plans. Bottom line there, you get what you pay for. Sliding scale plans are a joke. Been there, done that. I really don't know why I'm even here writing this all out. Maybe cause this is me reaching out for someone to talk too. Someone who cares, and will actually listen. I'm just so sick to death w/ going at this by myself. Anyways, who cares? We all have problems, or a story to tell, right?

Welcome to my obscure nightmare everyone
Reply
 
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melly2210 responded:
Is the reason you are not on medications to regulate your rapid cycling because you cannot afford treatment or medications? I think if you were on medications, the crashes from your mania wouldn't be so dramatic. I rapid cycle/mix cycle too, and it is usually not triggered by anything specific. Medications have helped me immensely. I've found that homeopathic options have not made a big difference in regulating my mood.

Just know you are not alone.

Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
 
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slik_kitty responded:
every county in the us has a mental health center. they charge you based on your ability to pay and will also help you get your meds for free if you can't afford them. i used one for a while and they do have good docs there, plus therapy. it's worth checking into, cuz the only way to beat this is with meds and therapy. homeopathic meds do not work to control bp.
 
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casperblue482 replied to melly2210's response:
I refuse to take meds cause its a never ending cycle w/ them. You take med's for what? Too regulate your moods, only for your kidneys or liver to give out? Then what, have to take other meds for that?

Too each their own. Yet, I have done extensive research into these "so called helpful med's" these professionals deem necessary. In all honesty? I don't believe med's are the answer.

I'm quite sure they do help to some degree. However, and this is only my opinion here. I believe meds only serve as a bandage. Or, what others call the Band-Aid Effect. Only covering up the problem with failing to cure it, or even coming close to doing anything but just that. Covering it up.

There may very well not be a cure for bipolar. Yet, as I once read long ago. You can either invest in your own health. Or, some Dr's student loan, or porch payment.

Not that I am against Dr's. As they do serve a purpose. I just believe we have given these Dr's to much of a say in our lives. But that is another conversation all on its own.


I believe in natural remedies. Not saying every single one works. As It was when I first started out down this path. I was taking Flaxseed Oil to begin with. Yet, wasn't getting any results. Not until I switched over to Fish Oil.

Granted, I take nearly 5000 mg a day. Yet, fish oil has helped me in ways nothing else has before. And I've been on a number of med's in the past.

Again, too each their own. However, I will stick to what I believe is working for me. Mind you, yes. I still do cycle. However, I now have anywhere from 15 to 25 good days in one month.

Where as before? I was only able to have a few days a month that were good. And just because one thing doesn't work, its just like taking med's. You have to experiment to find what does works.

Not that I'm trying to talk you into doing anything here. I'm just saying. I have experimented and I believe that even tho i may very well continue to cycle. As I do! So do you, am I wrong?

Sure, it may not be as much, or as often as you were before. Yet still, you still do cycle, right? With everything I have come to know about med's vs. natural remedies. There is nothing out there that will give us 100% without the cycling.

We will always cycle! Thats just a fact of life for us. Its just a matter of what you're willing to take, and what you're not willing to take. What you're willing to live with, and what you're not willing to live with. One more thing tho, before I bring this to a close.

I am continuing to research what may very well help me with the other % of time that my moods fluctuate. And, I will agree with just about anyone on this when I say, there are indeed things that I need help with.

Like my PTSD, or my Social Phobia. Haven't quite learned how to handle those aspects very well, as of yet. With that being said tho, thank you for your reply and I'm glad you found something that works for you.
 
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slik_kitty replied to casperblue482's response:
I did get mine under control with meds and therapy. if you won't do the meds, then at least do the therapy cuz meds won't help ptsd or social phobia, not even homeopathic ones.
 
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melly2210 replied to casperblue482's response:
In my opinion...

I think that you have a very closed mind about physicians and the prescription medications that are offered to help keep you stable. Yes, they may cause other medical conditions. I know this as I am legally blind likely from high dosages of a medication I was on to stabilize me. Yes, they change our medications frequently until they find the right mix to keep us relatively stable. And no, I would much rather be legally blind that for me to crash and {{{{TRIGGER}}} and up ending my life or running off to do something that would completely destroy my life.

As for homeopathic treatment, you said you've been using Fish Oil as your treatment. Did you know that there is a study out there that has linked Fish Oil to Prostate Cancer? And if it is linked to one cancer, as history has shown us, it is likely linked to others as well. No matter what we put into our bodies, there are reactions, both good and bad.

As for the cycling? Yes, I still do cycle. It bites the big one. But as kitty mentioned, therapy has helped immensely. What exactly is the link between therapy and medication? The medication works to keep me stable. But it also helps me to identify a change in my mood, no matter how miniscule. It is my "alarm clock" which tells me I need to bust my butt. I have a host of coping skills that help me to minimize the frequent ups and downs. My roller coaster of mood is no longer running 100 mph, but is now about 40-50 mph. I use the tools from therapy to minimize the impact of my change in moods. Yes, there are times that I cannot slow it, but those times are few and far between and are usually situationally linked.

You are entitled to chose your own treatment. But honestly, it sounds like it isn't working for you.

Good luck.

Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
 
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casperblue482 replied to melly2210's response:
Too Kitty

Yes, I know meds dont work for ptsd or social phobia. Or, homeopathic ones either. And, I know I need help, it's just hard reaching out for it when you've attempted so hard to be normal around others so you wont be looked at as abnormal. Not to mention the cost of seeking help these days

I have been dealing with all this since I was child. My ptsd is due to my car accident I was in when I was 7 years old. In all honesty, I dont remember any of it. Yet, looking back now, I think i was trying to commit suicide.

Sounds odd to hear that a 7 year old child would do such a thing. Yet, my childhood was very bad. My mother was a drug addict, and a drunk. Not to mention extremely abusive. Anyways, so ya. I know I need help. Not so easy when you cant afford it, or what you can afford is bunk around here.

Too Melly

I did not know fish oil was linked to prostate cancer. I know it makes ppl bleed more than normal when cut, or what have ya. I have been thinking, lately, about switching back over to flaxseed tho. Just taking a higher dosage, as I wasnt taking that much back when I first tried it.

I have learned that ground up flaxseeds are far better for you (bipolar ppl) than flaxseed oils are. So, one of these days I will attempt to try that. Just not looking forward to stopping the fish oil as I will have to deal with the constant Ups and Downs until I find what works.

I am, indeed, close minded to physicians and prescription meds. Been to a number of physicians since I was 17. Also been on a number of meds in the past. All of which did nothing to help, and cost tons of money. Not to mention all the side effects they cause. Believe me, since then Ive done a lot of research on meds to feel the way I do about them

Up here where I live, the medical mental health help isnt so great. Yes, I know about payment plans and sliding scale. Yet, up here? You get what you pay for. I had a physician once basically tell me there is nothing wrong with me. Which was on a sliding scale payment plan

Yet, two years later, found a physician who tested me and found that I was Rapid Cycling Bipolar w/ Psychotic Tendencies, along with PTSD, Anxiety, and Social Phobia. That sounds to me like something was, and is indeed wrong. And that Dr. I had to pay out the nose for. So again, you get what you pay for up here.

As for what Im, taking, not working? I have had far more good days than bad ones these days since I started the fish oil. So, the proof is in the evidence with my own personal findings. Granted, I will be looking into flaxseeds now from what you stated earlier about prostate cancer.

There is something out there "naturally" that we can take, just like there is something out there "man made" what we can take. Its just a matter of perspective, along with taking the time to find it. Sorry, but thats what I believe.
 
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mercygive replied to casperblue482's response:
If I could just interject something here, my therapist recommended Country Life Omega-3 Mood and brought my attention to the EPA 6 / DHA 1 ratio for this brand. He said that higher amounts of EPA are better for BP. Usually, I just get the cheapest brand two-for-one deals and notice that most if not all other fish oil brands indicate EPA 3 / DHA 3. What are your thoughts on this? What do you take the flaxseed for?

I have healthy life style habits with the exception of exercise and that requires shear will power that I don't have most days. I had a very bad episode which gradually escalated into psychosis and I had to take medications again. I don't have a choice in the matter. I was a danger to myself and others without medications so the benefits outweigh the risks for me and others.


Like you and everyone else here, I want more than anything for a healthy life style alone to prevent future episodes, but I cannot weather another episode like the last one without medications and pray I don't have to. The cost of my medicines is outrageous, and I am not too crazy about the side effects either.


Thank you for posting your point of view
A little yoga goes a long way
 
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mercygive responded:
If I could just interject something here, my therapist recommended Country Life Omega-3 Mood and brought my attention to the EPA 6 / DHA 1 ratio for this brand. He said that higher amounts of EPA are better for BP. Usually, I just get the cheapest brand two-for-one deals and notice that most if not all other fish oil brands indicate EPA 3 / DHA 3. What are your thoughts on this? What do you take the flaxseed for?


I have healthy life style habits with the exception of exercise and that requires shear will power that I don't have most days. I had a very bad episode which gradually escalated into psychosis and I had to take medications again. I don't have a choice in the matter. I was a danger to myself and others without medications so the benefits outweigh the risks for me and others.


Like you and everyone else here, I want more than anything for a healthy life style alone to prevent future episodes, but I cannot weather another episode like the last one without medications and pray I don't have to. The cost of my medicines is outrageous, and I am not too crazy about the side effects either.


Thanks for posting your point of view
A little yoga goes a long way
 
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casperblue482 replied to mercygive's response:
I have never thought about it until now. With what little i found online, you might give this site a look see and decide for yourself. Careful not to be fooled by others misleading you just to lower or raise stock prices and such.

Yes, that type of thing happens every single day. Its sad, but its the truth. Anyways, good luck. Let me know what you decide, id be interested to know

Thanks for your reply.
 
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casperblue482 replied to mercygive's response:
Opps, Forgot to add the link. lol. Here it is.

http://www.marconews.com/news/2013/aug/06/ask-the-pharmacist-fish-oil-supplements-and/


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