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Causing loved ones pain
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An_253436 posted:
I was diagnosed with bipolar in my early 20's (i'm now 35). I divorced my first husband after 6 years of marraige. looking back i believe i was in the midst of a manic episode when i left him. I'm now approaching my ten year anniversary with my second husband. Who has endured a manic episode which included an affair and about less than a years ago I finally came clean with him that I was abusing opiates. I have not used "H" since november of last year but I have been occassionally stealing my husbands pain meds. I have hurt him SOOOO many times. And I did again this weekend when he saw me trying to take his meds.

Part of me wants to get down on my hands and knees to beg forgiveness - the other half says leave now before you hurt him again.

I have not given up on myself - I will continue trying to get/stay clean. I know I'm a better person clean and I know everyone else notices the difference when I'm not. Combine this all with the constant battle of bipolar.

I don't know what the right thing to do is for him? How many more times am I going to hurt him before I finally get clean and stay clean? Even if I do stay clean there is still the constant battle with the bipolar. It hurts me to know that I will more than likely hurt him again if not 100 times over. It hurts me to know that he will probably never trust me again. It hurts me to know that he puts up with all of this because he loves me with all of his heart and I cant give him a decent wife. I would be thankful for any feedback - positive or negative.
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