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    Friday daily post/poss. triggers
    bpcookie posted:
    Hello dahlings

    weather, too hot

    sleep, good

    mood, ok so far

    plans, what ever my body allows. me to do.

    have a good weekend muah
    Please join my community called GRUMPY GROUPIES ( ) Fun and serious topics, nothing is taboo. So get on over there. Weirdo's are welcomed.
    melly2210 responded:
    Late evening all....

    Weather: I think it was hot, but I didn't leave the house

    Sleep: Eh....rough that's all I'm going to say

    Mood: Depressed as all get up...frustrated and angry too

    Plans: Spent the day settling step daughter and grandbaby into the house. They will be living with us from here on out. Not pleased but I made the decision to do it so she was killed or out on the streets. Domestic violence issues. Tried to take it as easy as possible.

    I was discharged yesterday from a crisis ward where I checked myself out before I was ready. Too much going to the crapper here. Hubs relapsed. In one of his 5 visits back home to wake me up in the first few hours of the binge, he told me numerous times he wanted a divorce. Was just the straw that broke the camel's back, I guess. I left about 12 hrs into it to go to the hospital. And he never knew I was there until about 13 hrs later. He did visit and apologize and I gave him my valuables to take home so they weren't missing. They woke me up at 5:30 the next morning because I had an emergency call. He's crying, which in all the time we've been together, he has never ever done. Says he went out again. Sold groceries to fund it. Did some damage to the car. Begged me to come home. So I made it happen. I am regretting it immensely because I am feeling like I did before I went in. The only thing I have learned is that he CANNOT handle me being sick and away to get the help that I need.

    So on top of everything else, I need to seriously consider the divorce situation. I can't handle this anymore. I am falling apart at the seams. And if I am not better this time next week, I will be going back whether he can handle it or not. His daughter can take care of him while I am gone. I don't know wtf I am going to do.

    Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
    ddnos replied to melly2210's response:
    Mel, I'm sure you don't want to hear this, but you really need to learn to stop taking care of everybody else and take care of yourself! You are attracted to and attract "enablees" (for lack of a better word) because both sides (the enabler and the enableee) can spot each other a mile away - then you latch onto each other - each for his/her own reasons. Maybe you don't feel needed or important unless you are taking care of/enabling people, or some other reason(s), but whatever be the case, I would figure it out and get help on changing that patter so that you don't keep attracting yourself to people you want to enable.

    An enabler thinks (consciously or subconsciously) that the one he/she is enabling that they can't survive or do whatever without them. You pretty much said exactly that in your post, i.e. that "he CANNOT handle me being sick..." In other words, "he can't survive without me" He will NEVER learn to do what he needs to do if you are always there to either make sure he does it or hold his hand through it. Helping him sometimes means NOT taking care of him.

    You might be pissed at me for saying any of this, but that's Ok. I won't be bothered by that one way or another. I'm just sharing with you what I see and have seen - take it or leave it.

    Take care of yourself!

    Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown
    mercygive replied to ddnos's response:
    Melly, you have every reason to be concerned about yourself. You need the best support. Don't wait too long to go back to the hospital. I wonder if you could take a couple of full suit cases next time when you go back into the hospital because you will be staying there longer next time. It doesn't sound like the people at home will take care of your valuables.
    If you have the transportation for the blind come pick you up and take you to the hospital that is best, I don't think you are safe to drive with your husband if he is using and unstable. I don't think his daughter can take care of him if she cannot take care of herself, so you foresee that the relationships in tight quarters will be extremely stressful and you will be caught in the middle of it all and they will expect you to give what you are not able to. For the people that suck the life out of us, we need to come to some conclusion that they either, intentionally, mean to use or harm us or that they don't know any better, or both.

    Make your plans while you are in the hospital, while you have good support and a calm place to think rationally. Talk to the commission for the blind while you are in the hospital, have them help you with housing — everything you need. Your husband and step daughter don't need to know everything you are thinking and planning. They would have you leave the hospital early again, sabotage your plans to take care of yourself. If you decide to leave, divorce, think of it as that you have every right to protect yourself. I know this from experience, where ever there are drugs there is probable violence and abuse.

    I will be praying for your welfare.
    A little yoga goes a long way
    melly2210 replied to ddnos's response:
    I am not at all offended by what you've said Debbie. I pretty much came to that conclusion in a psycho-therapy group session during my stay where I gave lots of wonderful advice but couldn't bring myself to tell the others why I was there and what I wanted to accomplish. At that point I was realizing this. I just didn't have enough time to think about it too hard or to actually find support to break the cycle, Part of the problem is that intellectually I KNOW that these are his choices. But the emotional part of me feels the guilt, and after the emergency phone call, I hit panic and guilt zone. And I wanted to save what was left of the house.

    In other words, this is part of what I need to work on....when I can have the space and help to support that.

    Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
    melly2210 replied to mercygive's response:
    My step-daughter realizes there is something serious going on. I know I've spoken about her issues in the past. The choice to move with us was her way of enforcing her boundaries with the boyfriend as things were quickly escalating. She said to me tonight after her father went to bed that she felt I shouldn't have been released yet. That I needed at least a week. She said that she would completely understand if I left her father, in fact, said he deserved for me to leave. She reassured me that our relationship would remain intact and I would have full access to my grandchildren. That she loved me like a mother.

    If I need to go back, which I fully expect my pdoc to do on Friday to order, she promised she would be here and would take control of the situation here. And she would make sure that no matter how long I needed to stay that things here would be ok. She's changed so much and I am proud of her. I am blessed that she's there for me because no other family member has been. If I go back, I will be taking what I need with me and leaving what I shouldn't take. There will be no releasing my belongings to anyone. And I don't think hubs will be on a list to accept as a visitor. I am sad that it has come to this.

    I appreciate the concerns and prayers. I don't know what I would do without you guys.

    Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
    An_253610 replied to melly2210's response:
    possible trigger:

    my hubby reiterates that he cannot make it without me; yet, he continues to work in the garage though he is checking on me every so often. I try to hide what I have been looking up online.

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