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What am I doing with my life
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ddnos posted:
Our society seems to glamorize the idea of "making a difference" and "following your dreams" to the point where we have "Oprah-sized" it! We inadvertently send the message that unless you are doing something "Great," you're not doing something of value with your life.


I struggle with this all the time. Just when I think that I have come to terms with my own place in this world, another message of "What are you doing with your life?" storms in.

For me, being on disability can at times make it so easy for me to entertain thoughts of uselessness on occassion; but I'm not useless! Am I useless and wasting my life away because it may not be visibly apparent to anyone else that my life has purpose? I will never be recognized for deeds of kindness I have done, or win an award for helping someone (nor do I want to) but do you know how much joy those things give me? Why is it that we — no, why is it that I have to feel ashamed when someone asks me what I do for a living? Why can't I just say to them, "Oh, I'm currently a bearer of random acts of kindness, what do you do?"


I am fighting internally so hard, trying to convince myself that it's Ok that I not go out and volunteer somewhere right now while I'm trying to focus on my health, but I seem to be losing. I could be "making a difference" in someone elses life(s) if I could just force myself to volunteer someplace. But why can't I just spend however long it's going to take for me to get my health back on track without worrying about, "Oh no, I'm not doing anything with my life"? I am to! I'm taking the long, hard road to get myself healthy, and frankly, I don't have much to give right now when I'm sick. So why do I let myself feel guilty? I really do believe that much of it has to do with the message society feeds us as stated in the first paragraph. That's not all of it, but for me, it's a big part!



When will it be Ok for someone to be able to proudly answer the question, "What are you doing with your life?" when maybe what they are doing isn't seen as important to anyone except for the person they touch? That is truly where I want to be in my heart and soul, but I'm so far from there.


Thanks for listening to my introspection of the day


Debbie
Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown
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slik_kitty responded:
it is ok to work on healing. that is doing something with your life. hugs
 
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Excorde responded:
Sometimes, the best thing is to focus on yourself. I tried to rush back into being a productive member of society and ended up back in the hospital.

I then took almost a year to really focus on myself before reconnecting. Everyday is a challenge, but I have developed the tools to make the most of each day...even if that's just attending to my needs.
 
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ddnos replied to slik_kitty's response:
Thank you Kitty - I've been trying to focus on that fact, but sometimes it's so hard when I keep hearing contrary messages all around me - but I also know that most of those messages are the ones echoing in my head.

Thanks!
Debbie
Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown
 
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ddnos replied to Excorde's response:
Hi Excorde,

I agree, and as I said to Kitty, that's what I'm trying to do and not worry about the rest. I'm simply not in a place to do much right now anyway, so to put guilt onto myself about something I have no control over is rather silly! Now, if I can only get that message ingrained into me, I'll be ok. lol

Thanks for your support
Debbie
Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown


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