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Worried about Father Who Has Many Issues/possible triggers
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bpcookie posted:
Hello peeps, As most of you know, my step mother passed away after Mothers Day and since then my father has been doing all kinds of crazy stuff.

1. At the get together/dinner, the day after my mothers funeral, he announced that my two brothers had slept with a family friend who's husband was standing right there. WTH?

2. He told all the family that he doesnt want any kids under 10 yrs old at his house. So that means a few Grand kids and Great Grand kids arent allowed over. Of course this hurt many family members.

3. He is an alcoholic and a habitual liar.

4. He is 70 yrs old and buys a Chopper, then gets a bunch of tattoo's. Ok, thats his business.

5. Then he tells me that his Dr. gave him (a powerful) pain med., because of his arthritis. Total lie. He is most likely using the med. that is left over from when my step mother died. This powerful med. and alcohol does not mix well.

6. Now he is telling me about all kinds of other meds, I have no idea if its all lies or if he is telling the truth.

7. From the way he talks, he has a girl (Friend) who he hangs out with who happens to be married. 15 yrs younger then my father. I believe they are having an affair. Its not the first time he has done such a thing. He has had MANY affairs.

8. He talks about other members of the family, saying they are stupid, jealous, a-holes, etc.

He is out of control!!!! He has me worried. I am having anxiety probs when I think about whats going on with him. I need to STOP worrying about what stupid things he is doing and take care of myself.
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slik_kitty responded:
hugs. take care of yourself. there's nothing you can do to change him.
 
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ddnos responded:
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Cookie}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I'm finding in my own situation with my mom (though not the same as with your dad) that it's a fine line between knowing when to step in and when it's none of my business because she's an adult. I absolutely hate it! If it were in my power, I'd snatch her a** right out of that situation for her because she's too weak to do it herself; but what good will that do? It will make ME happy, but what damage would it cause her? She's simply not ready to do the healthy thing for herself and I doubt she ever will be, and that's SO friggen hard!

I'm sure you'd like to do the same with your dad, but he's an adult and can make his own choices, good or bad.

I don't know if you worry about this, but I'm worried about will I know when it IS ok to step in and make decisions for my mom, you know? For example, were to get dementia or Alhzeimers where she wouldn't be capable of always making the best, most safe choices for herself - then it would be a legitimate thing to step in. But I hope to never have to be in that situation, or you as well.

I know it's hard to sit back and not be able to do anything when your dad is making poor choices, but you have to let it go lest it put you in a tailspin of anxiety. I had to do that with my mom, though it still does creep in from time to time, but it's no where near what it used to be. I can't let anxiety rule about something I can't do anything about.

Hang in there and try to let it go - let go your desire to want to fix it when it's not in your power to fix.

Debbie
Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown
 
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bpcookie responded:
Thanks Slik, yup, there is nothing I can do to change him, as you said. Thanks for everything hun. muahs

Debbie honey, when I wrote this post I thought about you and your situation with your mother. Two adults messing up their lives, two ppl we love but two ppl we cant change. I do worry about the future and what I will have to do to take care of my father. If I'm still suffering from pain, there is no way he could stay with me, cause I can hardly take care of myself. Like my hubby says, "Worry about that when the time gets here".

I wish you lots of luck with your mom. Thanks for your reply. muahs
Please join my community called GRUMPY GROUPIES ( http://exchanges.webmd.com/grumpy-groupies ) Fun and serious topics, nothing is taboo. So get on over there. Weirdo's are welcomed.
 
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bpcookie responded:
Thanks Slik, yup, there is nothing I can do to change him, as you said. Thanks for everything hun. muahs

Debbie honey, when I wrote this post I thought about you and your situation with your mother. Two adults messing up their lives, two ppl we love but two ppl we cant change. I do worry about the future and what I will have to do to take care of my father. If I'm still suffering from pain, there is no way he could stay with me, cause I can hardly take care of myself. Like my hubby says, "Worry about that when the time gets here".

I wish you lots of luck with your mom. Thanks for your reply. muahs
Please join my community called GRUMPY GROUPIES ( http://exchanges.webmd.com/grumpy-groupies ) Fun and serious topics, nothing is taboo. So get on over there. Weirdo's are welcomed.


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