Hello everyone. Sorry I've been away. Just too much trying to cope with, but knew I needed to check in, so here I am.
Weather: Still hot, still humid. But supposed to start cooling down tomorrow or day after.
Sleep: Yeah right. I take mini-naps. The trazadone just doesn't have the same "kick". I guess it is time to up that.
Mood: Anxious and still depressed. I don't want to be here when hubs returns on the 1st and I'm stuck until Dec when my name is no longer on the lease.
Plans: Pruned the palm tree out back. Did you know some species have 2 1/2" spikes at the base of the fronds? Yeah, neither did I until I got scratched to all heck and back. This is what I get for doing things I shouldn't be. Did a load of laundry and hung it out to dry. Will do dishes and take out something for dinner. Cook and settle in later for my SOA!
I am trying not to stress about hubs returning. He has very strict consequences if he relapses which is just going to speed up the process of me leaving. He isn't happy that I am leaving for Thanksgiving which will be a full week, but I don't care. I don't trust him at all anymore, and I don't see that trust returning. And I feel very cold and very distant.
Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all. ~Emily Dickinson
Hi, I am new here, and I am so tickled you are using quotes, a hobby of mine as well. May I ask is the hubs in treatment? Do you go to Ala-Non? If not, I highly recommend it for you.
My husband has been clean and sober for a short two months, and things are still tough. Trust, it has to be earned back. And, I am so numb and used to him ignoring me, I am not sure if I will be able to stay. I am almost thinking that too much damage has been done. My sponsor says give it a year. So, I am and if after a year, I do not feel comfortable, intimate, and trusting of him, I will have to go my own way.
I am 52, finishing up my BA in Applied Behavioral Sciences and finish in 2015, early in that year. I am shooting for a women's studies masters from Texas Women's University, so I am already looking for apts, resources, etc. In fact, we have agreed he would stay behind to take care of his Dad and I will move down there early to work for a while and so I will not have to pay so much out of state tuition.
Honestly, I so look forward to living there be myself to get to know me again, there are tons of meetings there, good therapy, and all. I want peace and freedom for awhile.
Do you have definite plans to leave if he relapses? I assume, like me, you have been to Hades and back. I understand completely. You can get in touch with me, by my profile, if you need to talk more.
Try alanon and insist you two go to therapy. Like me, you need that Thanksgiving time to you. You know, many women and men spouses of active alcoholics and addicts, we so forget how to take good care of ourselves.
Remember, God never shuts a door or window without then opening another door or window...
" The success of most things depends on knowing how long it will take to succeed." and this:
" "To persevere, trusting in what hopes he/she has, is courage in a man/woman." --Euripides
" Seeing's the believing, but feeling's the truth." --Thomas Fuller
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