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Saddest Bday ever! possible trigger?
mozzergurl posted:
So today is my birthday, yay me... But it will be by far the saddest bday I have ever had, and this is coming from someone whose never even had a bday party (yes, my whole life - wait I got a cake on my 1st bday, but that's it and the only reason I know is cuz there's a pic floating around somewhere in all my moms photos). Here's my sob story...

My dad is severely sick and we just found out that he needs a biopsy asap due to a strong possibility of cancer after seeing his recent labs and the findings of an exam + strong fam history, before they can even consider the surgery that he needed so urgently when he was discharged from hospital after being there in ICU for about 7-8 days.

Just found out my little brother is gonna have surgery on Wednesday

Also, my mom basically told me, well I should say she ACTUALLY told me that I ruined her life. I'm the worst child she could have ever even imagined having. She hates me. All I do is drive her crazy. I am a horrible person. She never wants to speak to me again. That I need to move out asap, but will continue to pay her my usual rent even when I'm gone because she needs the money to be able to make the mortgage payment. That she will do absolutely nothing for me, even though I have the only room that is upstairs and am in severe pain and can't be carrying things up and down the stairs while using crutches.

To add to it, my sister is following her actions, yet they demand for me to continue doing everything I have been doing for them, big or small.

Add to that my crazy sleep issues that keep me from sleeping all night til like 6am, no matter how early in the evening I take my medications. Which include Seroquel and Trazodone that are supposed to be very sedating and despite increasing doses. I've been researching and all I can find that fits is Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder.

My foot that is fractured in 2 places, which resulted in my first cast ever that causes me major anxiety especially when I try to sleep. I've been having progressively increased pain and not just where the fracture is, but in all my bones/joints. I had to get a cortisone shot in shoulder before I could start using my crutches because the pain was so severe it would cause painful numbness that radiated down to my hand. I literally wanted to tear my arm off it was so bad.

So yay for me! I'm 31 going 95, with people constantly surrounding me yet feeling so very alone, isolated and unloved.

I guess I'm unloveable
Life is a Pigsty... - Morrissey
slik_kitty responded:
wow that takes alot of nerve. saying you have to move out but still have to pay rent. if i were you, i would be walking out that door and not give them another penny. people who behave like that do not deserve your help. your outlook on life will rise 100 fold once you move out. you are not your family's keeper. the only person you need to look out for is yourself.

sorry about your dad and bro. hope all ends well with both of them.

happy bday anyway. just get out of the house for a while and do something fun for yourself. you need a break. huge hugs.
cher2114 responded:
I know that this is a late reply but I just want to tell you that you shouldn't think that you are unlovable just because of those people. I know I don't know your whole situation, but just hang in there and I believe that everything will be all- right. Like the other person that posted said, you will feel better when you are out of that environment for sure. If you aren't already I hope that you can find a way to move out. After all you can only control your own actions, and to live a life worrying about those of others is one I believe to only be half lived.
Hoping that things turn around for you!

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