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ddnos posted:
Anyone - I am going to my mom's today to monday and i found out that she has a guy staying there (at night) and is helping around the house some things her husband can't do. He's not there too much during the day, but is at night. She says he's nice, etc. I ask if she knows him and where she knows him from.....she doens't know him, her husband just said he could stay over for a while. My mom says she doens't know how long he's saying (grrrrrr, it's HER friggen house, why she doens't know?) anyway, not only am I concerned for her/them, but I don't want to stay over there with some strange guy (early 20's) there at night. I wouldn't care if they knew him, but they don't nkow him! For all they know, he could be a whole list of not so good things. He could also be just a nice guy hard on his luck - but fact is, we don't know! I explained this to my mom, who tends to be very naive, to say the least - she said she woudl talk with her husband and she saiid she would talk with the guy and say he can't stay there this weekend till monday cus she has company...but it's not official yet.

Question i suppose, which probably is too late, is do you think it unreasonable that I would not want to stay over night there if that guy is there at night too? Chances are he's just a nice guy, BUT, as I said, we don't know that. I mean, it's a shame that we can't help people out in ways that maybe we could many years ago because we live in a different world today - it's not safe to let some stranger live in your home even if/when you want to help. Do I make waves or just stay there at my mom's if that guy stays while I'm there? "Waves" would be either he leaves or I do. I feel like such a stick in the mud and I am person who wants to help others, but I want to feel safe in the process too. I don't want to have to sleep with "one eye open" while I'm there even tho I know he very well could be a nice guy. Sigh

Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown
reneegigliotti responded:
Oh my Debbie, No! No! No! Don't put yourself at risk like that. If you're mom wants to take that risk, it's foolish, but it's her risk. You need to protect YOU. I would be honest with her and tell her her roomate makes you very uncomfortable. Be clear that noone KNOWS who this guy is and you do not want to find out the hard way. Please be careful.
mercygive responded:
It's your mom's house and you couldn't make him leave if she didn't agree with you. However, you can spend the day there when he's helping out and ask him lots of questions like how does he know your mom's husband and so forth. He'll either be bold or get frustrated and leave.

My grandfather has had lots of bold strangers in his house for sitters who are down on their luck and need the money. My brother asks to see they IDs. Even though I have not trusted most of them and one of them stole money from him there is nothing I can do to make them leave. He is usually so demanding that they don't stay around long anyway. I refuse to stay the night while they are there.
A little yoga goes a long way
ddnos replied to reneegigliotti's response:
Renee, I'm at my mom's against my own better judgmetn and that guy is here and at dinner things got weird. I just did ask him how long he plans on staying here and he got defensive then finally said as lng as they (m mom and her husband) say, but at end of the month..i mean, teill end of the moth, and they, y mom, ddn't even talk with him abot that. I telling my mom so not safe to have stranger stay here and she don't knwo what kind of person he is. She say she trusts everyone. I say, oh, so is everone good? you trust everyone then that include all sorts of peopel who hurt you, yu think thats smart? she say no, but thas how my mom is, she don't think. I tell her and i say i not comfortable there, and had i known sooner than last minute, i nto wold have come here. she think that was rediculous and i am being rediculous. I dont knw what to do. Im here and no way home cus bus dont run at night. I say if he takes yu al l for anthing, it be your own fault. and why you not have any say so i nthe matter? why that husband only one who say so? She is doormat, thats why. She don't think of safety she turst everone. But im being just as sutpid by being here cus i don't want to let my mom down wth us plans. I dont want to be the bad daughter i want to be the one who help her have less stress for the time im here, so im just as stupid can't say no. I shojudl not have come in the first place. That guy lie bout little stuff they not even notice. husband likes him cus he's a "toy" to play with and listen to all his crap, so he be center stage - he don't even care about safety of his wife or me. He so stupid! But i so stupid for being here so as not to disabppoint my ommom . i am being just as stupid as her. so if you not hear fro m me at all for next few days and days after monday, then yo know there be tragedy and i was stupid more. nice to know you lil bit and i give you woudl my phone number to check me but dont want to broaddcast to the world. but i have my sonnybear and tigger here wif me, but they not can protect me fro m stranger guy. he say that he was going to go becasue i upset, but then husband and mom say "no, no you stay" and that guy KNEW they woud do that. he just was being manipulative. He ask to use phone. mom say i thot you have phone, he say it not working. then he get up get phone then come back with his phone and he text. damn person lied re phone not working. why he lie? i tell my mom it not just cus its her and husband but NO ONE should bring in stranger stay the night if dont know anthing abotu person. she say he nice, and I say, yeah, anyone can pretend to be nce, that not proof he trustworthy. i not saying he not ok person , i saying YOU DON"T KNOW! i don't know what be wrong with her head.
ok i go.
debbie. have good evening and almost friday and you doing good even tho tdoc not here. you is stronger than you realize! good job
Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown
slik_kitty replied to ddnos's response:
you should leave this morning. maybe then your mom will understand that it isn't safe having him there. hugs
reneegigliotti replied to ddnos's response:
Please keep yourself safe Debbie!

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