I looked around and am a bit lost about where and how to post. I'm sure I'll learn in time but hope posting like this is correct. Please tell me and forgive me if I have broken a rule.
I was doing a search for bi-polar and family scapegoating and came across a post here from five years back. 10 Ways to PO a Bi-polar. I gotta tell ya it really lightened my day.
You see most of my life is spent with "Non-BP people. (I hope that's the right word.) Nothing wrong with that most of the time. But I really just need to get to know people that understand.
When I saw that post and read all 4 pages, my darkness lifted a bit. Then I read and saw how nice you all are. And well I was hoping I could be welcomed. Here s a little about me. Maybe it's o.k. to post it.
I'm just a country woman. I raise chickens, ducks, dogs and soon quail. Been divorced for 23 years and never re-married. I have two adult children and three grandkids. I worked in a few different jobs but mostly in the beauty business. At 38 I became to sick to hold a job and stay stable. So I am now 50 and on disability and much better. Yet I have my moments.
Welcome. People here are very supportive. Your post was perfect by the way. I have rapid cycling bipolar I disorder with psychotic features (try saying that 5 times fast, LOL) I work though. I've been a biomedical researcher for almost 30 years. Work keeps me functional. I've been hospitalized more times than I can remember, mostly for psychotic manic episodes, but I always return to work after discharge. People here have been very kind when I've been either manic or hypomanic. I can post interesting stuff manic. No one has ever judged me. People get it. I am also divorced and have a 23 year old daughter who is blind. She's a math major in college. Life can get interesting. Do you have bunnies on your property by the way? I'm crazy for bunnies.
Welcome here, backwoodsdiva! Glad that you have joined us and hope you keep coming back!
Our board has been sort of up and down....hmmmm, kind of like bipolar, eh? lol But what I mean is that we will go through periods where it's slow and then busy - so sometimes it may take a lil longer for someone to reply to your post -just don't want you to think you are being ignored.
I loved to hear that you are raising chickens, ducks, dogs and soon, quail! So cool! Sounds a bit like my sister, though she also has some horses and who knows what else! lol But she's also a photographer where she lives and her animals are subjects to her photos a lot!
Anyway, I'm glad you are doing well! If ok to ask, what meds do you take for bipolar, assuming you take them - and if you are, have you been on the same meds long term or had to change them often? Just curious to know how others deal with that aspect of bipolar.
I've been on the same combo of meds for 23 years - Nardil and Lithium, and they have worked great for me for the most part. I wish there were a magic pill we could all take that made us never experience depression of mania ever again; but darn it, I haven't found any meds that will do that! Hmmm!
I am currently on disability as well (for the past 3 years - well, maybe 4, but the 1st year I was also working part time) - but my goal is to get back to work one of these days hopefully soon! Have you ever thought of going back to work some day, full or part time? Social Security has a pretty good system for those on SSDI who want to get back to work so that you don't have to worry about working and then 2 months later, find that you can't, but lost your disability. Thankfully, it doesn't work like that, but a lot of people on disability think that it does - so they avoid going back to work out of fear re financial security.
Ok, I ramble
Again, welcome to the boards! Debbie
Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown
Thank you for the welcome Renee. The Science field. That must be interesting and rewarding work. And I look forward to the manic posts. I'm sure I'll be posting a few. I too have a diagnosis of Bi-polar One. I've been rather stable for 10 years. But I do still have my days. And around Christmas and Easter I have a week.
I was in the hospital 3 times over the years. Last visit was 18 years ago now. I stay in therapy and have had the same doctor for 21 years. So at this point it's just basic ups and downs. Excluding some great tragedy. God forbid. Like you said they are nice. Form what I read before joining I agree. I was impressed with all of you.
I've had the same psychiatrist for 18 1/2 years. I talk about him a lot in my posts. He's my mentor in many ways as well as my psychiatrist. 18 year relationship will do that. I'm sure you know what I mean, though. I owe him everything, including my life. I have a psychologist I'm quite bonded to as well. Her and my relationship is different from my relationship with him. They both play pivotal roles in my life. Without them, I'd be committed in some long term hospital with no future. I am truly blessed.
Horses. You make me imagine them here in the field. I know little about them but sometimes neighbors ride here. I thank you for your quick response and I understand if the board runs fast then slow. I'll remember that.
My meds are Lithium 900mg., Seroquel 50mg and Valium 5mg. as needed. The Lithium and Valium were first and changed my life. Then the Seroquel was added a few years later when I developed insomnia.
I have thought about going back to work yes. To be honest I know that at this point it is not an option. If that feeling would stay with me more than a few weeks then I might feel ready. I have read about the program to help people get back to work too. And talked with someone one day about it. But things changed.
For now I do my crafts and sale my eggs. It's not much but my life is more peaceful than it ever has been before. I haven't always lived in the country. It was the right thing for me. Before that it was one string of disasters after another. As many here may have been through.
But thank you again for the kind welcome. I have read some of your post before I met you.
I feel the same way. My Doc is a great man. Little story: He was over a county clinic when I met him. I had seen 2 other doctors and wasn't impressed at all. They were sort of bullies. "Do this, do that, don't mess up, don't feel that way, fight it , do better, you can do it." Being bi-polar to me mean learning to live with it. If I'm denying it all day like they wanted then I'm not working on it. They didn't get it. lol.
Anyway, When I was granted Disability of course I was granted insurance coverage. He ask me if I wanted him to refer me to a doctor with a private practice like others do sometimes. I could not leave him. No one wants to leave.
When I met my psychiatrist, he was fresh out of residency and I was newly discharged from an 8 month long psychiatric admission. The psychiatrists at the hospital told me I was far too sick to ever work or parent or have any semblance of a normal life. They placed disability papers in front of me, already filled out and told me to sign them. I refused. When I was discharged to a partial hospital program I met my Dr. G. He was just beginning his private practice. The first thing he said to me was that he had read my case file and while yes my illness was serious, he absolutely believed in my ability to heal, return to work, parent my child, and return to a functional life. I left his office crying, because for the first time in a year, someone shared my goals and said he believed in me and my resilience. I went back to work 2 months later. He has been with me through every admission, psychotic mania, suicidal depression, every accomplishment and step forward I've made. I wouldn't have become the parent I grew to be without him. I wouldn't be alive without him. Yes, we do have our difficult moments, but they only serve to solidify our relationship. I truly believe G-d put him in my life as a healer.
He sounds like a wonderful person. And that is as important as being a good doctor. I giggle when I think of one subject matter my doctor and I discuss. His reaction is always so funny. If I tell him someone has hurt me (usually a close family member that's out of the loop on the reality of Bi-Polar) he'll throw his long arms up in the air and say "They are wrong. It is that simple. They are WRONG!!!!.You are not what they think you are."
Don't know why that always helps me but it does. I already know they are wrong but it's as if I don't believe it until he says it. Or maybe it's just good to know he is on my side. Because even family members that have been good to me don't understand and try to take advantage. Except mom. She never takes advantage but we do fight sometimes.
Disability was never going to be a ticket for me to sit all day. I don't believe that's what most do anyway. No my family won't let anyone rest anyway. haha. They are the busiest, most hyper and active people I know. Good people who are very very religious. Which is great in so many ways. But it can also cause problems for me. I just can't be at church 2 to 4 days a week. It is not going to happen.
You know with Bi-Polar it's sometimes hard to be consistent. I grew up in church. The whole nine yards. Never missed a service, choir practice, or the million other things they plan. The only problem was that you miss one service and the whole church freaks out. Not meaning to they make you feel guilty. Like I need that problem too.
As far as my kids my parents allowed me to live in an apartment they owned as my kids grew up. I was in and out of manic and depressed stated in those years. Not quite stable yet. But they helped me with the kids and so much more. Had that not been the case I think I may have had to fight to keep my kids. So for that I am very grateful. And one good thing about my kids is that they do understand.
I'm glad your parents are supportive. Any acts of kindness from the important people in our lives is precious. I had to laugh at your psychiatrist's phrase. I have a memory bank full of Dr. G expressions. I just replay them if I need them. I told him once that I don't know why I come to appointments, he lives in my head. He laughed and said, "because my prescription pad doesn't". We both laughed at that. He's the only MD I know who can turn Tom Lehrer tunes into something about medication. Even when I'm really depressed, he can make me smile. I think he does it on purpose to gauge what my mood is. If I can smile, we are still ok. He's also tough as nails when I'm manic. I hear that clinical tone and see that stare, and I know I'm in for it. Only when I'm off-the-charts manic do I argue at that moment. It never ends well for me to do so, however.
Well, I've babbled enough. I'm enjoying your posts. I hope you continue to share. I'll always try to respond.
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