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Tired of myself
ddnos posted:
Ever get to a place in your life that for whatever reason, you are simply tired of yourself? Please say yes, or I'm on my own with this one!

Yesterday I had a fantastic day! I mean, it was one of the best, most productive days I've had in a long time; and so I foolishly thought that maybe this is it! Maybe I have finally climbed out of my hole! Maybe the pattern of the past two years has been shattered! Then today happens! How could I have been so naive as to think that 2 years of struggling in a certain area could just stop in one day? Then I thought, "Well, it wasn't just one day. I've been working on this for a long time, and maybe the fruits of my labor has finally been realized." But no. It was just a day. It was just a very good day followed by a day that proved to be no different from every other day before yesterday.

I KNOW that what I've been working on doesn't just change overnight and one day suddenly be all better; so why did I think otherwise yesterday? Why couldn't I know that it was just a very good day toward progress, but not indicative of reaching my destination? Probably because I'm so tired of myself that I wanted to believe that victory had finally arrived! No such luck, I guess.

Debbie, who is still holding onto hope
Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown
backwoodsdiva responded:
Maybe a good day is a sign that you are crawling out of the hole. I can understand the let down after a great day like that though. But still, it doesn't have to be a bad sign. It doesn't mean you failed at anything or that you'll go backwards in your improvements or your hard work.

Maybe it means you are getting there. To your goal. Maybe the great day you experienced is just a taste of more to come. It may not feel that way now. But hard work always pays off. Always! Positive things and actions cause more positive things and actions. But Bi-polar people have bumps in the road. It certainly doesn't mean you should beat yourself up. A day like that could easily to be a good sign.
ddnos replied to backwoodsdiva's response:
thank you backwoodsdiva, and I agree with what you say; I guess because it's been so long of struggling back and forth with this that sometimes I feel discouraged. I don't feel ready to give up - nope! Not me, no how; but sometimes I wonder will I EVER get back on my feet! I also know that it could be MUCH worse, which keeps me moving forward and grateful for how things are; but some days I'm not so sure about anything. Then a new day happens, and the sky isn't so dark.

Thanks again!
Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown
backwoodsdiva replied to ddnos's response:
Right. Girl I know about that. And while it could be worse truth is when we feel bad we feel bad. But looking at the positive when we can does help. It's so hard to do most of time though. I hope your feeling better today.

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