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Just Tired… tired
robbrown68 posted:
I have been with my husband for 13 years and if it wasn't for him I don't know where I would be. However I'm so overwhelmed with trying to explain a thought or feeling that I can't. He is a very logical person and he tries so hard to help/understand me but honestly I'm feel like giving up and just walking away. Not because he is a uncaring person but because I feel as if I'm doing him a disservice. During my mania episodes I obsess over my children. I can't sleep because I check on them constantly throughout the night. I've never made a suicide plan but I have thought how everyone else's life would be better without me. I'm just tired….so tired. I was diagnosed 7 years ago and been on so many different medications I can barely count. I also have other illnesses that cause me to be in pain constantly. It takes all of my energy to try and be "normal" during my work day. This takes so much energy. I read books, I people watch, I even ask other trusted people if my response adequate for the situation. I have a big issue with impulse control. When I use this much energy to be "normal" outside of home my family ends up getting the force of my lack of impulse, anger, mania and depression. I love my family and it seems as if they are suffering right along with me and I can't believe that is fair. It isn't fair that I can't explain "why" to my husband yet he worries and can't help me.
slik_kitty responded:
no, your family will not be better without you. love overcomes all the other stuff.
katie92086 responded:
I've had the same feelings you do. My husband is constantly asking me if I am alright or why I am being so quiet. I have no good answers for him. Most of the time I feel anxious and my brain feels like a jumbled mess. I can tell he is worried and wants to help but doesn't know what to do. Many times I have thought he would be better off without me in his life but I feel like I am getting worse and none of the meds I've been on have helped. He reassures me often that he will always be there for me no matter what. I'm sure no one would think they are better off without you, especially your husband and kids. You are important and loved by them no matter what.

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