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ddnos posted:
There hasn't been an official diagnosis yet, but after the past 3 or 4 years of my mom's memory going downhill, the past year has been the worse - unless there's something else physical going on with my mom, I think she may have early onset alzheimer's. I had her make a doctor app for next month and I will go with her to discuss what may or may not be going on with her. It's so sad, and I'm finding it SO hard to not become more and more angry with her husband for all the excess stress he puts her through because though I know less stress is not going to fix her memory, I do believe that at least some of it is exasperated by the crazy stress she puts up with from her husband. The chaos she lives in does not help her at all, and I want so much to kidnap her and her stuff and move her somewhere that she can live peacefully. I wouldn't be surprised if some of the chaos in her head is eliminated if that were to happen.

I have talked with her husband about his behavior on some occasions, but maybe I need to talk with him again, but this time take off the gentle gloves. The problem with talking with him at all is that he really, REALLY doens't hear you and even more, won't even attempt to make any changes. On top of that, because he is an alcholic (binge drinker) I admit that I get a bit afraid to speak TOO honestly with him for fear that it will drive him to drink. I know that his drinking wouldn't be my fault; that's not the point - the point is that regardless of who's "fault" it is, my mom would be the one who has to suffer, i.e. she has more work to do when he's drinking, which means more stress! So you see, there's nothing I can do short of kidnap my I laugh, but really, that's true. My mom won't take care of herself and her husband doesn't know how to. So again, my mom ends up being the one to suffer.

My mom's memory loss is progressing really fast at this point, and I'm the only one taking care of her (there are 7 siblings!). I need to help her get her legal stuff in order, but do you know how hard that is when everything is in the "too hard" pile for my mom and only she knows where everything is? She is SO stressed and frazzled that anything beyond what she does from day to day is too hard. If I could just do it all for her, I would, but I can't. I fear what's going to happen if indeed she does have alzheimer's and gets to the point of someone needing to take care of her. I have always been the one to take care of her and visit her, etc, but I don't know if I could possibly live with her in that house with her husband and the chaos over there. I'D go nuts! I know that I'm jumping the gun a bit in that is something that may never happen or if it does, maybe not for 5 years - but after the past few days with her, I can see it being sooner than later.

Sigh - I don't know what to do and don't like being the only one in the family having to make these decisions where there are 7 of us! Hopefully the doctor will be able to know what's going on - she better run some tests.

Wiped out
Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown
slik_kitty responded:
where's the rest of your family? can you ask them to help? this is too much just for you to tackle. tell sonny he needs to give you back some marbles so you can think better. he he he
ddnos replied to slik_kitty's response:
Well, 2 of my siblings are excused because they are out of state, but everyone else lives in state (5 of us) - but because I am the only one of us with the time to go visit my mom on a monthly basis, I get all of the responsibility. I fully understand why none of them can go visit her as often as I do, i.e. they have jobs, they live further away, etc., but with my mom's health starting to go downhill, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with knowing what to do. Some of the immediate concern is trying to get my mom's Will related stuff taken care of and some of her health related paperwork stuff done as well. The problem is that I can't just do it myself because I don't know where all the stuff is, and to ask my mom doesn't work because she gets overwhelmed and wants to do it later, and later never comes. If up to me, I'd of had it done a long time ago. Re future stuff, I'm trying to not think about yet because it's future - but if indeed she has early onset Alzteimer's, then the need for more help could come sooner than we like. Who will take care of my mom? Certainly not her husband - he doesn't know how to take care of himself let alone anyone else! So the help will come from me. Who's going to move in to give her full time help? Who's the one available to do that? Me! I will go friggen nuts if I have to live with that arss and live in that chaotic house! But I would be happy to take care of my mom - just don't think I could do it if he's still around. But I can't throw her in a home where she MIGHT be taken care of - not when she has 7 children who could be taking care of her! How could we desert her when she needs us when she took care of all of us as children? So I'm stressed out. I will be calling one of my sisters to help with some of the legal paper. I should have her go there and take care of it so she sees just how "easy" it is to get it done (like she tells me!) It ticks me off when she talks to me like it's a piece of cake to do what needs to be done when she's never been there herself to try to do it! But of course, I've got a mental illness, so the reason I can't see to get it done is because of that!!! (hear the anger in my voice with that one???) Sigh!

I'm done - starting to get angry and stressed out.

Re marbles - I'm afraid I'm out of luck with that one too. lol

Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown

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