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Pondering lessons
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ddnos posted:
I have been in a really weird place lately. Some of it is the same as it has been for the past year, but there's an element of something different.

I have always been more of an indoors person. I love my time at home by myself, but I also enjoy being with people and getting out and about, etc. That's who I am and always have been; but lately, I have been spending more and more time at home. I'm not home because I'm afraid to go out or because I'm depressed, but simply because I have found it extra comforting within these four walls. I have been completely happy being inside more than normal (for me) when usually I would get that fidgeting feeling and need to get out and have human contact.

For a while, I had my usual, hard on myself reaction to this and say to myself how I NEED to get out and it's not good for me, etc. So day by day, I began to be harder and harder on myself because I didn't succeed in getting out. I automatically saw it as a bad thing and that I Needed to just force myself out. Then the words of my former tdoc ran through my head - words that I don't even remember the entire context of, but the meaning applied. She would say something like, "So what would happen if you just let yourself be where you are? What would happen if you didn't fight it or punish yourself for not doing what you think you should do? What would happen if you just went with it?"

Of course, those words don't always apply even to my situation above; but I know her, she was saying to me that if it's not disabling me, if I'm not depressed, if I'm not escaping anything, if I'm feeling content within, etc., then why fight it? Maybe your mind and body is telling you that this is exactly what you need right now. You fear that you're just going to stay in that place and it's unhealthy, but that won't happen because you won't let it happen. You will know inside when it's time to get out, but for right now, it's making you feel at peace - so don't fight it.

(I love her so much! lol)

She is right! Fighting where I'm at right now is counter productive - I fight it only because "the world" tells me that this is isolation or unhealthy, etc; and it would be if it were my entire life or if it was affecting me negatively; but it's not. I'm actually learning to listen to what I need no matter what it may look like on the outside. If I can learn to not fight where I'm at and learn to live in it, then I will be all the better off for it, and I WILL then truly be able to move forward.

One of the things my former tdoc was always trying to teach me in many ways and over many years was to learn to listen to my heart, mind, body, gut and not fight it. It can be hard sometimes to discern the difference between when to allow yourself to be where you are and feel how you are feeling, and when you have to stand up and take action before falling deeper into what is unhealthy - but there is a time for both - just gotta learn to listen to your gut to know the difference.

Debbie
Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown
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mercygive responded:
Hi Debbie,
These sound like positive affirmations. My therapy homework this week is to come up with a positive affirmation for myself. I asked my therapist if my affirmation had to be something I should feel today or want to feel tomorrow and she said that was a good question and then she answered that it has to be something I believe. This is going to be a hard one for me because I might have to focus on my positive characteristics in order to believe in myself which I am not used to doing since I don't trust myself.

Be kind to yourself. That's a good one but only easily said for many. Hugs
A little yoga goes a long way
 
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ddnos replied to mercygive's response:
Hi Mercy, how are you doing on your homework? I'm not quite sure that I understand what it is, but that's likely because written word homework is hard for me to understand.....I mean, reading what my homework is as opposed to someone telling me. lol I know, I'm strange. lol

Anyway, best wishes to you!

Debbie
Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different --Unknown
 
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mercygive replied to ddnos's response:
The assignment was for me to think of something positive I can say to myself, a positive affirmation, to stop my negative thinking. It has to be something I believe. So far, I have come up with "I have the courage to be myself" which I chose because I often compare myself to others. I need to come up with one for worrying.
The other part of my homework is to pick 5 things that are self-nurturing, without stress, that use all five senses. She gave me a long list of self-nurturing activities and I associated some form of stress with almost all of them so it was almost impossible to come up with my favorites but I managed: Listen to music; play with and hold my dog (some stress she jumps a lot); yoga (some stress being overweight); gaze at the stars; watch a movie; and, grow a garden (some stress afraid of snakes). I can make a list or be creative and do something like make objects that will remind me of these things. I even thought of searching for ring tones and notifications that I can use with my phone that remind me of these things. I'm trying not to over think it.
A little yoga goes a long way


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