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    how did his passing effect you? TRIGGER
    ddnos posted:
    Trigger re death - Robin Williams
    Of course , I'm talking about Robin Williams. It was truly a tragedy - but I hope that it's a tragedy that reaps many benefits for those left behind.

    I've never been even remotely shaken by a celebrities death, regardless of how he/she did. Sure, I felt bad for the loved ones and that the person had to leave this world so soon, but they never personally affected me. Then comes Robin Williams. This bigger than life, full of energy, successful, wealthy person. I'm not so naive to believe that money or success can make one exempt from depression because depression does not discriminate.

    I have always had the the strong belief inside that for me, suicide is never an option. I always knew in my heart that no matter how depressed I may ever get, suicide will never be an option. There's only been one time in my life where I really did fear taht I would give in to it and end my life. That was about 5 years ago when I was very sick from having to go off nardil. By the time i was completely off it fo r4 months, something inside shifted and for that split second, I felt no hope. As soon as I felt that despair come over me (the opposite of hope) I determined that I had to start doing something - ANYTHING, that would lead me in the direction of life and hoope again. It was hard, and some days I didn't think I would do it - but my tdoc used to tell me that it's because overall, I want health and wholeness more than depression, and so Im willing to fight for ir.

    I guess the point of this post in light of Robin Williams is that I have had moments of thought where I looked at him, who has access to so many resources, and me, who has far less - but we both struggle the same battle. Then I think if he could stand up against the monster of depression , who's to say that I will be able to? I don't know Robin's heart or how serious he was about treatment, but I do know about me. I know my conviction is strong - I know that intellectually, I can't and won't live a life that ultimately ends in self inflicted death. That is my hope, and I hang onto that forever!
    "Live without pretending; Love without depending; Listen without defending; Speak without offending"--Drake
    ibex7 responded:
    TY, Debbie,

    For being the first whose comments I have read, I think it is important for each of us sufferers from depression to share our inmost recognition of the true person that Robin Williams was.

    We each know the lonliness of his periods of withdrawl, the sometimes manic escape back into society via use of humor to reach back into normal society with his genius. I would herein like to encourage all mentally disordered people to become open with their friends and professional helpers, and to relate personally about both the caring and tragedy of our illnesses. Nahnoo nahnoo.
    Sometimes you don't mean to say what you mean to say you mean.
    mercygive responded:
    Thank you for starting this discussion. I'll just start by saying that I am angry. I am so angry at him for taking his own life because he seemed to have been given so much of it, maybe not any more than anyone else, but he gave so much of his energy and gave me years of laughter so I could break away from my own depression at times. From what I read about him he was kind to everyone and generous with what he had. He had beauty inside and out. Was there anything more that anyone could have said about him to have encouraged him to save his own life.

    I understand what it is to be severely depressed and suicidal. My husband and I have counted 3 suicide attempts over the last 30 years — 2 that appear to be accidental but suicidal all the same (similar to one of my all-time favorite actors, Philip Seymour Hoffman, whose death by overdose also made me angry). We have been married for over 30 years and have great love for each other yet because of severe depression that wasn't enough and then again I was not seeking therapy or taking the necessary medications during those times. I know this from experience that rage and self-hate can result in suicide. I can't image anything that would make Robin Williams hate himself to the point of destroying his sense of self-worth except for depression.

    Maybe he didn't take his depression seriously at the onset. At times, like many, I dupe myself into thinking that depression is just one of life's obstacles to overcome and is easy to step around if only I try hard enough, and why not I am revived with good days that put an end to all my sadness, but when severe depression returns and takes over my ability to think rationally about myself it weakens my mind and body keeps me down and alone and often I cannot receive enough encouragement from others to find my way out of despair because I cannot trust others to accept me and count on them to spend time with me when I am depressed. Depression keeps me silent and embarrassed — and scared. Maybe that is how he felt.

    I agree with most that because he reached out for support, had the love of many, and had the resources to help fight his depression there was reason enough for him to hope for recovery and even I want to blame him and not his depression for giving up. I want to blame myself and feel angry when I think on my own attempts and how easy it was for me to give up when I could have reached out for support, but to reach out for support can make a person feel weak tiresome burdensome. We don't want to disappoint those around us they expect us to be strong and supportive our usual resilient selves we cannot allow ourselves to fail.

    Though some view suicide as failure and a cop-out others view suicide as a way out of the unbearable feeling of gloom and hopelessness — who wants to live that way and who wants to feel the embarrassment and shame of being seen as less and emotionally dependent. Regardless, I do not approve of suicide as a solution to life's problems. Suicide only adds to the stigma of mental illness and a reluctance for those suffering to ask for help. We could save lives if we would only encourage ourselves and others to end the shame, the stigma and the silence of mental illness.
    A little yoga goes a long way
    slik_kitty responded:
    it makes me sad to know that a person with such talent, who made so many people laugh, had reached such a dark point in his life that the only way out for him was to end it all. most of my friends understand what it is like to reach that point where there is no hope. i understand cuz i've been there. in that moment, nothing else matters but to end the pain. there's no hope and only one option left. i don't know what led him to that point, but i do know what it's like to be there.

    comedy is often used as a coping method for people who have suffered trauma. most comedians do use comedy as their own coping mechanism. sometimes it's enough to keep them going, and sometimes it isn't.
    ddnos replied to mercygive's response:
    Mercy, thank you for your honest words from your heart!

    (to be honest, I don't even remember writing the original post!)
    "Live without pretending; Love without depending; Listen without defending; Speak without offending"--Drake
    ddnos responded:
    Just to add one more thing - I truly believe that hope and despair are opposites of each other. I see it in my head as a bridge, with hope on one end and despair on the other; and in life, we are either moving in the direction of hope or in the direction of despair.

    One way that I move in the direction of despair is when I feed my mind with thoughts that are negative, untrue, defeating, etc., or focus on things that are characteristic of despair - that's when I find myself walking on that "bridge" in the direction of despair. As long as I continue in that direction, I will be filled more and more with a deep sense of despair and THAT's when things like suicide become more of a possibility and/or reality.

    Hope, on the other hand - when I constantly feed my mind with thoughts, ideas, beliefs, ect, of hope - then I'm walking in the direction of hope on that bridge, and thus, reaping the benefits that hope brings, i.e. peace, joy, hope itself, - not that things will always go well, but hope gets me through - my attitude is good........and when I have hope - when my heart and life is filled with hope and is walking in the direction of hope (albeit, with some occasional wrong turns) then suicide no longer is an option. I may feel like I want to die on occasion, but as long as hope is what feeds me, I know that I will overcome.

    The above is why I often make comments about hope here on the boards - hope is my friend; hope is what keeps me going; hope is what I hold onto when I'm not sure where I'm going in my life; and hope anchors my heart and soul when otherwise I would likely fall to pieces.

    Love hopes
    "Live without pretending; Love without depending; Listen without defending; Speak without offending"--Drake
    monkeybee replied to ddnos's response:
    Thank you for sharing that Debbie; what a wonderful perspective!
    monkeybee replied to monkeybee's response:
    I so admired Robin Williams and I am so sad over his death. I too am angry that despite all of his treatment options and access to the best doctors and therapists he still suffered enough to take his life. I wish there was more available to us. I know it's no one's fault; I just hate that this illness can take another victim. And I do think that is what he was, a victim to mental illness. I am right now hanging on by a thread and I've been here numerous times in my lifetime. Right now I can only think: I'm 31 years old and I know I will take my own life sometime so why not now. I know that's a lie...right now. But tonight, when everyone is sleeping, I may believe that lie. Our minds are like poisonous venom, attacking us. Not everyone always wins. It is very sad to me. And I too think we need to speak up and be the voice for mental illness but I am too cowardice to speak out myself. I am terrified of the judgment of friends and family who don't already know and of the stigma placed by society.
    skypper responded:
    Sad, it makes me so sad. When Isee his pictures now, they pop up a lot now with quotes and so on, it just makes me feel so sad.

    To know depression and the delusions it can bring. To where we get to the point where even things we never thought we could say, do, etc...become our reality because the pain has overtaken and all you want is for that pain to stop, to go away, for just SOME kind of relief...anything...

    And I wonder, did he isolate himself? Was he all alone and then was found later? Depressed people often isolate, because I wonder, didn't anyone look at him and see?

    idk, none of these are questions with answers, all it makes me think is it's truly disheartening to hear the news that he lost his battle with depression and bipolar disorder.

    And like Debbie said, someone with so many more resources available than the average person, just goes to show you how very serious it is and how important treatment is.

    Illnesses are non-discriminant, and if we learn anything from this, I hope we will learn to be a little kinder to people and not so judgmental, just because a person looks happy in no way means they are or that they have it easy. Every body needs somebody.
    I had to fight like hell and fighting like hell has made me what I am.
    ibex7 replied to skypper's response:
    By recent reports, Robin Williams was not only stricken with depression and that x-factor toward alcoholism, he was recently reported to have symptoms of Parkinson's disease.

    Many of us have more than one illness, yet I can surely feel sympathy for someone who fights the mixture of neuropathy and mental disorder. I think Mork knows he takes much our love to his home planet along with the humor he shared with us here on Earth. Our generation will remember the laughter he gave us. - Goat
    Sometimes you don't mean to say what you mean to say you mean.

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