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funny quotes
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mc1003 posted:
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson

"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'. -Homer Simpson

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. A. Whitney Brown

"Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway." - Joey Adams

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them. - George Bush

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."

just a lil sumthin to lighten up our moods
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grfldnme responded:
My favorite is the last one and the homer simpson one! hahaha! I needed that!! Thanks MC!!
 
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Merrique responded:
Those were cute we laughed at work at them
 
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bpcookie responded:
Michelle, omg, I love it. made me laugh. My two favs was the dying in his sleep like grandpa, and the psychiatrist. LOL hehehe. too freaking funny. Thanks for the laugh my daling.


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